BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
They aren't funny to you, and that's fine.
They're funny to me. That's why they're here.
They're funny to me. That's why they're here.
Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
Alex.J
[14] Master
It's not about funny, it's about being offensive. True humor shouldn't be at the expense of a whole race. Show some class plz.
Nyte
Fu-ma's Shadow
Women's definition of a "real man": Man with tons of money to spend on her.
Women's definition of "equality": Privilege without responsibility.
Women's definition of "equality": Privilege without responsibility.
- Moderator
- #1,044
Marginal
Chikara Sashimi
This offends me. In Russia, men have sex with hedgehogs, and get raped by women who own shops. There is no RPG involved at all.
Alex.J
[14] Master
Its a reference to Al Qaeda. Not everyone who lives in Afghanistan is a part of Al Qaeda. How does this make sense? "Hi, I love you, now I'm going to blow up your father cuz he's from Afghanistan." Not only is it racsit and not funny. It doesn't even make sense.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
My wife tricked me into having sex with her last night.
She slept in our daughter's room.
---
A girl I know posted on Facebook: "My toddler crawled under the garden fence! Lol, nails and wood will be out tomorrow!"
I replied, "I think crucifixion's a bit harsh."
---
Liverpool University have spent £900k on a study, showing that early humans mated with Neanderthals.
I could have saved them £900k of that just by watching TOWIE.
---
Joan Rivers' funeral was attended by loads of other celebrities. No doubt it was deeply emotional for them all but with all that botox it was hard to tell.
She slept in our daughter's room.
---
A girl I know posted on Facebook: "My toddler crawled under the garden fence! Lol, nails and wood will be out tomorrow!"
I replied, "I think crucifixion's a bit harsh."
---
Liverpool University have spent £900k on a study, showing that early humans mated with Neanderthals.
I could have saved them £900k of that just by watching TOWIE.
---
Joan Rivers' funeral was attended by loads of other celebrities. No doubt it was deeply emotional for them all but with all that botox it was hard to tell.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Dear Scotland,
If you go, that's it. We don't want drunken phone calls in a few months saying what a huge mistake it was.
Regards,
England.
---
The Birth Control pill turned 55 years old today.
And the phrase,"Fucking hell you fucking cunt! I thought you were on the Pill!!" turned 54 years and 11 months.
---
Gloria Hunniford said on TV today that she gave her friend Sir Cliff a call to ask how he is coping because he 'loves coming on loose women'.
Take it that Gloria doesn't know him as well as she makes out...
---
Today is the 186th birthday of Leo Tolstoy , famous for writing the unfinished novel 'War and Peace'.
He did actually manage to finish it of course , but no one else has.
---
Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but at least they can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer," and, "Hey, Dad."
If you go, that's it. We don't want drunken phone calls in a few months saying what a huge mistake it was.
Regards,
England.
---
The Birth Control pill turned 55 years old today.
And the phrase,"Fucking hell you fucking cunt! I thought you were on the Pill!!" turned 54 years and 11 months.
---
Gloria Hunniford said on TV today that she gave her friend Sir Cliff a call to ask how he is coping because he 'loves coming on loose women'.
Take it that Gloria doesn't know him as well as she makes out...
---
Today is the 186th birthday of Leo Tolstoy , famous for writing the unfinished novel 'War and Peace'.
He did actually manage to finish it of course , but no one else has.
---
Sure, white people can't say the n-word, but at least they can say phrases like, "Thanks for the warning, Officer," and, "Hey, Dad."
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
I got some bad news for ya bud-
And that came from a moderator. You should see the first dozen or so pages of this thread.
Alex.J
[14] Master
Lobo isn't a moderator anymore, I wonder why.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
A news report says that paedophiles are to be educated to control their urges.
What a brilliant idea, send paedophiles to school.
---
How to fall downstairs.
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8,9,10,11.
---
At 5.5", the new iPhone will be bigger than the dicks of 50% of the men who own one.
---
A man goes into a library and doesn't ask for a book. Instead he uses his own eyes and common sense.
This places no burden on the librarian, who subsequently has no need to say anything.
What a brilliant idea, send paedophiles to school.
---
How to fall downstairs.
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8,9,10,11.
---
At 5.5", the new iPhone will be bigger than the dicks of 50% of the men who own one.
---
A man goes into a library and doesn't ask for a book. Instead he uses his own eyes and common sense.
This places no burden on the librarian, who subsequently has no need to say anything.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
So,it looks like Oscar Pistorius is going to get away with murder.That's very disturbing news..
For my wife,who's just gone for a piss.
---
As I finished raping the woman in the ticket kiosk, she sobbed: "Why me? Why me?"
Wordlessly, I reached into my trouser pocket and handed her the coupon which read: "One free adult entry"
How we both laughed.
---
Racial profiling:
Separating white from wrong.
For my wife,who's just gone for a piss.
---
As I finished raping the woman in the ticket kiosk, she sobbed: "Why me? Why me?"
Wordlessly, I reached into my trouser pocket and handed her the coupon which read: "One free adult entry"
How we both laughed.
---
Racial profiling:
Separating white from wrong.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I don't know why people keep getting worked up about immigration...
All my neighbours are English.
All the kids in the local school are English.
All the local shops are owned and run by English people.
I love it here in Spain.
---
News: New iPhone 6 screen won't crack or scratch as easily.
Or as my kids put it, "Challenge accepted."
---
How many Daily Mail readers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but 300 people will comment claiming they know better or blaming it on immigrants.
---
Some universities have Women Studies, but no Men Studies. That's pretty sexist, but then I realised we do have Men Studies.
It's called History.
All my neighbours are English.
All the kids in the local school are English.
All the local shops are owned and run by English people.
I love it here in Spain.
---
News: New iPhone 6 screen won't crack or scratch as easily.
Or as my kids put it, "Challenge accepted."
---
How many Daily Mail readers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but 300 people will comment claiming they know better or blaming it on immigrants.
---
Some universities have Women Studies, but no Men Studies. That's pretty sexist, but then I realised we do have Men Studies.
It's called History.
Nyte
Fu-ma's Shadow
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I like dating black girls. Because I don't have to meet their dads.
---
Katie price has called her baby Bunny.
Nice bit of meat to go with the vegetable that she already has.
---
Bunny?
I thought they came out of a wizard's hat, not a wizard's sleeve.
---
Doctor doctor, I'm suffering from premature ejaculation.
Well, don't come in here.
---
What do you call four priests and a paedophile?
Five paedophiles.
---
"Phones4U" is changing its name to "P45s4US".
---
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible.
But if you do that with your girlfriend, it's called "cheating".
---
Katie price has called her baby Bunny.
Nice bit of meat to go with the vegetable that she already has.
---
Bunny?
I thought they came out of a wizard's hat, not a wizard's sleeve.
---
Doctor doctor, I'm suffering from premature ejaculation.
Well, don't come in here.
---
What do you call four priests and a paedophile?
Five paedophiles.
---
"Phones4U" is changing its name to "P45s4US".
---
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible.
But if you do that with your girlfriend, it's called "cheating".
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
An elderly couple were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard and the old man would say "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life!" The neighbors grew very afraid of the man.
One evening, the man died at the age of 98. After the funeral the neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked the widow "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up out of that grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
She replied "Let him dig. I buried him upside down and I know he won't ask for directions."
---
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
One evening, the man died at the age of 98. After the funeral the neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked the widow "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up out of that grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
She replied "Let him dig. I buried him upside down and I know he won't ask for directions."
---
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I've got 69 problems.
My girlfriend's a midget.
---
Did you hear about the guy who caught his wife cheating, chopped her and her lover up into little pieces and scattered the bits all over the Yorkshire Moors?
No?
Good.
---
I was voted off the X-Factor on my first audition.
I forgot to tell them that my mum is dead.
---
I was in Edinburgh today, and saw a woman wearing a T-shirt that said, "Yes".
Long story short, I'm up on a rape charge tomorrow.
My girlfriend's a midget.
---
Did you hear about the guy who caught his wife cheating, chopped her and her lover up into little pieces and scattered the bits all over the Yorkshire Moors?
No?
Good.
---
I was voted off the X-Factor on my first audition.
I forgot to tell them that my mum is dead.
---
I was in Edinburgh today, and saw a woman wearing a T-shirt that said, "Yes".
Long story short, I'm up on a rape charge tomorrow.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Fact #1: Scotland can leave the UK simply by checking a box that says "Yes".
Fact #2: I have to agree to 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8.
---
What's the difference between Will Smith and Scotland?
Independence Day.
---
An Irishman and Two British men walk into a bar...
Fact #2: I have to agree to 18 pages of terms and conditions to download iOS 8.
---
What's the difference between Will Smith and Scotland?
Independence Day.
---
An Irishman and Two British men walk into a bar...
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
Everyone is going from the iPhone 5 to the 6 all for an extra inch.
I hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.
I hope your girlfriend doesn't do the same.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Mama Mia - classic Abba song or Yorkshire kid telling his Mother he's arrived?
---
When I was growing up, selfies were accidental Polaroids of our thumbs.
---
When I was growing up, selfies were accidental Polaroids of our thumbs.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I really miss not being able to slam the phone down on people. Violently pressing the "End Call" button just doesn't quite have the same effect.
---
I've overcome dyslexia and qualified as a Funeral Director.
I'll give my competitors an urn for their money.
---
Some call it "alcoholism".
I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated".
---
NASA is currently examining the planet Mars in order to work out why it has changed from warm and wet to cold and dry.
Maybe it got married.
---
I told my father of my intention to enter the priesthood when I left university.
"I can't believe it, " he said, "my own son, a paedophile."
---
What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.
---
I've overcome dyslexia and qualified as a Funeral Director.
I'll give my competitors an urn for their money.
---
Some call it "alcoholism".
I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated".
---
NASA is currently examining the planet Mars in order to work out why it has changed from warm and wet to cold and dry.
Maybe it got married.
---
I told my father of my intention to enter the priesthood when I left university.
"I can't believe it, " he said, "my own son, a paedophile."
---
What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?
Trombones.