K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
The fickle world of American TV news reporting, eh?
One minute you're doing the morning slot; the next, the graveyard shift.
One minute you're doing the morning slot; the next, the graveyard shift.
Project Bokuho
[14] Master
LMFAO
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
A recent study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example when a woman is ovulating, she prefers a man with rugged masculine features.
When she is menstruating she prefers a man with his face doused in gasoline and set on fire, with a pair is scissors stuck in each eye
---
I decided to get some of those glow in the dark condoms for me and my girlfriend to try.
You should have seen her face light up.
---
Poor Caitlyn Jenner. I too once felt like a man trapped inside a woman's body.
Then my mother gave birth.
When she is menstruating she prefers a man with his face doused in gasoline and set on fire, with a pair is scissors stuck in each eye
---
I decided to get some of those glow in the dark condoms for me and my girlfriend to try.
You should have seen her face light up.
---
Poor Caitlyn Jenner. I too once felt like a man trapped inside a woman's body.
Then my mother gave birth.
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BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
My daughter asked, "Why is the soap in the shower hanging on a rope?"
I replied, "Because it saw your mother naked."
---
"Do know why you've been arrested?" asked the cop.
"Because my girlfriend is a bitch," I replied.
"Yes," he said, as he patted her and called the RSPCA.
---
Those abs on Jessica Ennis-Hill are incredible.
I bet the baby shot out of her like a particle from the Large Hadron Collider.
---
Jeremy Corbyn is on record as supporting female-only train carriages to protect women from dangerous men on trains.
Using that same logic, I look forward to the day he declares his support for male-only motorways.
---
So the BBC have reported that teen pregnancy is falling. But child obesity is rising.
Just proves no one wants to fuck a fatty.
---
Nicole Scherzinger has gone from Lewis Hamilton to Ed Sheeran.
I guess orange really is the new black.
---
What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?
Finding a condom in your hole.
---
What do we want?
Race car noises!
When do we want them?
Neeeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwwwww!
I replied, "Because it saw your mother naked."
---
"Do know why you've been arrested?" asked the cop.
"Because my girlfriend is a bitch," I replied.
"Yes," he said, as he patted her and called the RSPCA.
---
Those abs on Jessica Ennis-Hill are incredible.
I bet the baby shot out of her like a particle from the Large Hadron Collider.
---
Jeremy Corbyn is on record as supporting female-only train carriages to protect women from dangerous men on trains.
Using that same logic, I look forward to the day he declares his support for male-only motorways.
---
So the BBC have reported that teen pregnancy is falling. But child obesity is rising.
Just proves no one wants to fuck a fatty.
---
Nicole Scherzinger has gone from Lewis Hamilton to Ed Sheeran.
I guess orange really is the new black.
---
What's worse than finding a hole in your condom?
Finding a condom in your hole.
---
What do we want?
Race car noises!
When do we want them?
Neeeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwwwww!
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippie chick?
The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
The hockey player takes a shower after three periods.
Nyte
Fu-ma's Shadow
So One Direction is breaking up?
Looks like they're going in different directions.
Looks like they're going in different directions.
Project Bokuho
[14] Master
LMFAO
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
I made an deal with my wife that we would only smoke after sex.
I've had the same pack of cigarettes since 2013. She's up to three packs a day.
---
I've had the same pack of cigarettes since 2013. She's up to three packs a day.
---
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K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
"Why does Donald Trump keep coming out with such ignorant, racist comments?" asked my wife.
"He's trying to win an American election," I explained.
"He's trying to win an American election," I explained.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Americans:
"It's 'mom' not 'mum'!"
"It's 'color' not 'colour'!"
"It's 'football' not 'rugby'!"
"It's 'soccer' not 'football'!"
"It's 'chips' not 'crisps'!"
The English:
"It's 'school' not 'shooting range'!"
---
Caitlyn Jenner "wants to be Bruce again."
Typical woman, can't make her mind up.
"It's 'mom' not 'mum'!"
"It's 'color' not 'colour'!"
"It's 'football' not 'rugby'!"
"It's 'soccer' not 'football'!"
"It's 'chips' not 'crisps'!"
The English:
"It's 'school' not 'shooting range'!"
---
Caitlyn Jenner "wants to be Bruce again."
Typical woman, can't make her mind up.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I think it was stupid of David Bowie keeping his cancer a secret.
The amount of likes he would have got on Facebook would have saved him ten times over.
---
What was David Bowie's last hit?
Probably morphine.
---
EVERYTHING these days is being 'Re-Branded':
Budget cuts = 'Austerity'
Shitty weather = 'Global Warming'
AIDS = 'An 18 month battle with cancer'
---
I wondered what kind of publicity stunt David Bowie would come up with to promote his new album.
Just when you think you've seen it all, he ups the game for everyone!
---
David Bowie dead...
Didn't take Lemmy long before he started giving out party invitations.
---
Shortly after arriving in heaven Lemmy was summoned to see God in his office.
God said to Lemmy, "Lemmy, you have been a fine servant to music and the arts, I will grant you one wish and let you bring something from Earth to heaven. It can be anything you want, whatever you most enjoyed on Earth, I will allow you to have it in heaven"
Lemmy gave his answer and returned excitedly to his room.
A few days later Lemmy stormed back into Gods office and shouted "I said blowie not Bowie!"
The amount of likes he would have got on Facebook would have saved him ten times over.
---
What was David Bowie's last hit?
Probably morphine.
---
EVERYTHING these days is being 'Re-Branded':
Budget cuts = 'Austerity'
Shitty weather = 'Global Warming'
AIDS = 'An 18 month battle with cancer'
---
I wondered what kind of publicity stunt David Bowie would come up with to promote his new album.
Just when you think you've seen it all, he ups the game for everyone!
---
David Bowie dead...
Didn't take Lemmy long before he started giving out party invitations.
---
Shortly after arriving in heaven Lemmy was summoned to see God in his office.
God said to Lemmy, "Lemmy, you have been a fine servant to music and the arts, I will grant you one wish and let you bring something from Earth to heaven. It can be anything you want, whatever you most enjoyed on Earth, I will allow you to have it in heaven"
Lemmy gave his answer and returned excitedly to his room.
A few days later Lemmy stormed back into Gods office and shouted "I said blowie not Bowie!"
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
The wife texted me one cold winter morning: "Windows frozen won't open."
I text back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it, and gently tap edge with hammer."
5 minutes later the wife texts back: "Computer is really messed up now."
---
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. "Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket." "Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
Man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked. "I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm . . . " the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said. "So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can't explain."
---
I text back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it, and gently tap edge with hammer."
5 minutes later the wife texts back: "Computer is really messed up now."
---
A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer. "Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket." "Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked.
The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left." "And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket 'bout full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
Man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked. "I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm . . . " the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said. "So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in . . . Some things you just can't explain."
---
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K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
Aristotle once said- "We are what we repeatedly do."
So I guess girls have a point when they say that most guys are jerks.
---
Guys makes a post on facebook-
OP: I just ended a 5 year relashionship.
Reply: Omg, are you ok?
OP: Oh I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.
---
So I guess girls have a point when they say that most guys are jerks.
---
Guys makes a post on facebook-
OP: I just ended a 5 year relashionship.
Reply: Omg, are you ok?
OP: Oh I'm fine, it wasn't my relationship.
---
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K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
A recent study showed that if a woman has two glasses of wine a day it can increase the chances of having a stroke.
If you let her finish the bottle she might suck it too.
---
Why did the console gamer cross the road?
To render the building on the other side.
If you let her finish the bottle she might suck it too.
---
Why did the console gamer cross the road?
To render the building on the other side.
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K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
How many divorced men does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, the sockets go with the house.
None, the sockets go with the house.
hwang24
[10] Knight
Super Treat Fighter II Turbo
Gouki/Akuma - *During Super Street Fighter II Turbo Intro*: "Oy,... Ryu! I stole BOTH your girls... (Chun-Li & Cammy) U mad, bruh?..."
Ryu - Says back to Gouki/Akuma like he says back to anyone else, "Tch, whatever."
E. Honda thinks you have spirit. He thinks you have drive. He has confidence in you. Heck, he even pep-talks to you like a brotherly friend...even if you lose to him every time! Why do you think he always says to you, "Can't you do better than that?"
Blanka says that seeing you is a joke. He also thinks YOU yourself...are a joke.
Just because Gulie's a hard-nosed military man, strong, shows no restraint and he's a tough manly-man doesn't mean he is a sexist nor a chauvinist. He's just indiscriminate when he says, "Go home and be a family man!"
Ken: "You don't wanna mess around, you don't wanna mess around... (hypeman - probably Sean: "uh-uh") ... you don't wanna mess around wit' meeeeeeeee, no more... I'll CRUSH YOU!"
Chun-Li off that DragonBall Z mess. 'Her goin' around random people, running out 'the mouth claiming how she's the "World's Strongest."
Zangief just thinks you're weak... PERIOD. He already had you know it. How?... By BEATING YOU!!
Dhalsim be "spittin' FIRE in a world so cold"...
Back in the day of the World Warrior, Balrog would always have something red to wear on his fists... whether it'd be those boxing gloves or YOUR BLOOD.
Ok, ok. So Vega says that handsome fighters never lose battles. He' damn right handsome fighters never lose battles. The handsome fighter isn't going to be the fighter who JUST LOST!
Sagat... he said it best, people. I mean... you never heard of a game called, "Street Fighter II: The World of Beginners."
Bison?... Pfft. Man... he's just a supreme fat-head.
Just like some girls, Cammy can go into cosmetology. With the way she beats you up, there's always room for a little remodeling.
You may block my attacks and get guard crushed. You may move to your offense, I'll still be faster than you. You may come at me with all of your might... you'll still lose.
You're in a lose-lose...lose situation.
Deejay: "Were my killer combos too much for you, mon?!
Human Player: "YES!"
T.Hawk's totem is too great for your desperate fighting techniques...
T.Hawk's totem is also too great for Chun-Li...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Cammy...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Rose...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Karin...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Ingrid also...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Makoto...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Ibuki...
T.Hawk's totem is even too great for Elena...
T.Hawk's totem is DEFINITELY too great for Sakura...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Crimson Viper...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for EITHER of them girls, Juli OR Juni... or for the BOTH of them put together...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Juri Han/Han Ju-Ri...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Maki...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Lei-Lei/Hsien-Ko...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Tabasu/Tessa...
T.Hawk's totem is too scary for Morrigan...
T.Hawk's totem can tame Felicia...
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Poison. (If you do enough research, you'll see why "T.Hawk's totem is greater than Poison's" should not be mentioned)
T.Hawk's totem is too great for Decapre...
T.Hawk's totem is NO MATCH for 'dat Mika Nanakawa/Rainbow Mika AND 'dat Yamato Nadeshiko when they're tag teaming him on a threeway.
They make him cryyyyyyyyy like he's PATHETIC!
DeathInMyEyes
DIME
what in the actual fuck did you just post