Jokes thread

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Phillip?

Killed in a tunnel.

It was Thanksgiving last thursday. Long story short it's where Americans give thanks to the English for inventing them. You're welcome.

Lame Joke.

Guy one: How many cars do you have?

Guy two: Two Mini

If you didn't get that then wow...

Why would you become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide on the off chance you MIGHT get 72 virgins when you die?

Become a Catholic priest, and have them NOW!

Synraii I love you.

A russian, an american and an iraqi sat down and talked.

The russian: We were first out to space.

The american: Oh yeah?! Well we were first on the moon.

The iraqi: We will be the first people on the sun.

The russian and the american: You would burn up before you would make it there.

The iraqi: Bruh, we'll go there when it's night.

I'm not racist, but I LOLed when I saw this picture:

This is racist?

Maybe cuz he blended in with the shadows and you can barely see him? I dunno I'm just stretching.

What time is it when you need to see the dentist?

Tooth-hurty

I've heard inverted ejaculation is making a comeback.

When you realise you know everything, you get your A Levels. When you realise you know nothing, you get your degree. When you realise no one else knows anything either, you get your Ph.D.

I saw a female protester hand-cuffed to a fence with a little sign which read, "Say NO to RAPE!"

So I said, "NO!"

Then raped her.

What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?
...Pizzas don't scream when you put them in the oven.

Dora the Explorer has got a little Muslim friend called Doda.

The Exploder.

I am so going to hell.