Bereavement Symphony (soundtrack included with story)


Prolouge

A Chapter by VincentRayne

Prologue
“Of all the experiences you’ve had, what do you think is the most memorable?” Trent waited for several seconds for the girl’s answer but none came. “Okay,” He said drawn out. “Then what’s your favorite food or color?” The girl still didn’t give any answers. She sat on the steel chair, unmoving, in the white room. The only sign that gave any hint that she was still even alive was the rising and falling of her shoulders as she breathed. Trent scratched his head with the back of his pen. He decided to ask at least one more question and give up if she didn’t answer. “Is there anyone you love? Someone who took care of you? Anyone at all?” She remained silent. The doctor blew out a breath of disappointment. He stood up from his own chair. The intercom came on from the ceiling.
“Still no answer, doctor?” A female’s voice filled the room.
“No. She doesn’t eat nor sleep at night either—at least not that I see. I don’t know what to make of her. Blood tests don’t show anything and interrogation is pointless.” Trent exited the room and the woman that was on the intercom joined him from another room.
“So, we don’t know anything more about her than we did when she first got here?”
“That’s correct.” He flipped through his papers on the girl. There wasn’t anything he knew about her himself. He didn’t even know why he took her case. The only thing Trent remembered about taking this particular patient was because she was different from any other patient. His job bore him too easily when the patients he had could easily be categorized and lumped together with one group or another. Although this girl is proving herself to be a challenge and frustrating. Trent thought to himself. He brought out his papers again. “Okay, let’s go through the basics. Again.”
“Kayla, no last name, is a female at approximately five feet tall. Her age is at roughly between ten and twelve. Eye color: navy blue—“
“Unusual.”
“What?”
“We need unusual facts of information. Something that sets this girl apart from the rest of everyone. Something that got her here in the first place.” The woman looked through her own papers.
“Umm, well her eye color is odd itself. The fact that she neither eats nor sleeps adds to it. She hasn’t spoken a word since she got here and sometimes she stares at the camera in her room at night when she should be asleep.”
“Have you noticed anything that’s not in the reports?” Trent asked with a bit of hope in his voice.
“Well, I noticed that she never looks at anyone, only towards, and her head is always bent down as if there’s something interesting on the floor.”
“Yes, yes?” Trent said enthusiastically, hoping to urge her on.
“Have you noticed her skin color? It’s always pale no matter what temperature she’s in.”
“That’s a common issue. There are a lot of people with natural pale skin. And her tendency to look away from people is only a sign that she is shy.” He sighed but then something struck him. “There are some key things that the reports are missing!” he continued on. “We have tested her blood but she doesn’t belong to any of the blood types. Her DNA is remained confidential by the higher ups. This must mean that this subject is of strict importance. Maybe she’s a bioengineered specimen of some type.”
“Calm down. I’m sure you’re just getting carried away. We won’t know anything for sure until we get a response out of her.”
Later that night the two decided to watch her on the camera monitors in the security room. All of the other patients were asleep but this one was still awake. She stood on the far side of her room for about half an hour until she slowly walked to the opposite side of the room. She stopped under the camera and looked up towards it.
“Hey, Maria, take a look at this.” She came beside Trent and looked into the monitor.
“So, this is what they meant.” The girl waved slowly to the camera and Maria instinctively waved back before realizing that there was no way the girl could see her. But then the girl beckoned them to come by waving her hand back towards herself. “I think she wants us to come.”
“No, really?” Trent said in a clearly sarcastic tone. Maria looked at him irritably before rushing out the door. The two of them got to Kayla’s room quickly. When they entered she was sitting on the bed with her head down again. “Kayla, you called?” Again the girl made no response. Trent let out an exasperated breath. He turned towards Maria. “It’s clear that she likes to play practical jokes.” Trent kicked one of the chairs in the room into a wall. “This stupid case is going to drive me insane! No symptoms or mental defects so why does she act like she’s a walking corpse?”
“Trent?” Maria called in a quiet tone and was pointing behind him. Trent turned around and saw that the girl was looking up at him. “She must have responded to you speaking ill of her in her face.” There was mocking pitch obviously dripping with her observation. Trent grabbed the chair he had kicked and set in down in front of the girl. He sat himself down and glared at her.
“Is that it? Did you look up because you saw something you normally aren’t used to seeing? Do you like television?” The girl didn’t utter a word. Her eyes continually stared into Trent’s. “Do you even know what a television is?”
“Trent!” Maria said shocked at Trent’s sudden outburst.
“What? There’s clearly something wrong with this girl. It’s as if she enjoys seeing people suffer! I still can’t under—” The sound of a soft cough behind him cut Trent off. He turned back towards the girl. “You know what? I just think we just have another one of those insane patients on our hands. Just call up the asylum for crazy people and have them ship her off.” He could have sworn that he saw a small smile come across the girl’s face. He remained in his seat for another couple of minutes then got up. “Come on, Maria. Nothing new here.” Trent and Maria were opening the door when a soft voice sounded behind them.
“I’m not crazy.” Both of the doctors froze in their tracks and slowly turned towards the girl. “You people judge others without looking at other possibilities.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Didn’t you ever try to consider the reason why I didn’t respond for such a long time? I could have been a mute, a deaf person, or even a foreigner from a different country thinking that she was going to be killed or tortured at any time.”
“But you’re clearly not so why the acts?”
“I have to recollect myself. After all I was just thrust into this high security building and had doctors questioning me. Do you know how hard this is? To be honest I was just waiting for a doctor to be assigned to me that seems to actually express feelings of sympathy so that I might be released from this prison cell.”
“Well, I’m afraid you have the wrong doctors to carry out that plan. We’re definitely not going to help you escape and now we’ll have to inform the guards to keep tighter security around—”
“I wasn’t talking about you actually helping me escape voluntarily.” Trent didn’t even notice that the girl had gotten up and walked over to him. “You’re the only doctors I’ve had that don’t carry around weapons of some sort but now I realize that that won’t be a problem.” The girl stretched out her hands towards Trent and he fell to the floor dead before a scream could come to his throat. Maria screamed and tried to run bun was seized by a sudden force and was thrown against a far wall. A pipe sticking out impaled Maria and she hung on the wall, lifeless, as Kayla walked out the door finally free to the open world.
first track on the Bereavement Symphony soundrack. yes i did make it.
 
The only thing Trent remembered about taking this particular patient was because she was different from any other patient.

Delete the second 'patient.'

“Well, I noticed that she never looks at anyone, only towards, and her head is always bent down as if there’s something interesting on the floor.”

Only towards... what?

“There are some key things that the reports are missing!” “We have tested her blood but she doesn’t belong to any of the blood types.

No need for the "!," and the second reads awkwardly.

“You know what? I just think we just have another one of those insane patients on our hands. Just call up the asylum for crazy people and have them ship her off.”

Delete: "for crazy people."

And the first bit just reads wrong.

Maria screamed and tried to run bun was seized by a sudden force and was thrown against a far wall.

but

And this being a clean, neat, medical facility, why would a pipe be sticking out of a wall? Maybe have her pull the pipe out, or have the girl throw the chair and it's legs pin Maria to the wall?

---------------------------------

That's all I could find that could use some tweaking. Very, very, very good work Vincent. I am looking forward to reading more of this!

Oh and them dying isn't as much of a surprise (maybe?) as you would have planned it. A little before halfway through I thought, "A creepy little girl in a room. These two doctors are going to die aren't they."

Or maybe we just have the same taste in 'demented-ness'


P.S. The amount of nitpicking I do when reviewing something is directly proportional to how much I actually like the material.
 
thank you. i haven't revised it yet but this GREATLY helps. there are some things that you pointed out that i haven't even thought of. i picture this as a movie playing when i write it so there will be some things that may seem predictable but i'm sure there will be some more things that no one will see coming. (i hope). but once again thank you.
 
Chapter 1

Luke sat at his desk with his head down. He was out cold due to the fact he hadn’t gotten hardly a bit of sleep the last night. Section Thirteen was a what people called the police department’s “ace up the sleeve.” It mainly dealt with cases that was out of their hands. Most dealing with bizarre murders or unexplainable events. The police force often referred to Section Thirteen as Ghost Hunters. A hand slapping Luke’s desk startled him awake. “Jesus Christ, Madeline, don’t bring me into the real world like that. You could give me a heart attack.”
“Well, maybe if you chose to sleep at home instead of on your job you could keep me from cutting years off your life.” She gave a jokingly smile at him. She hopped onto the side of his desk and started reading one of her regular magazines.
“Wait a second. You wake me up just so you could sit on my desk and read?”
“I’m sorry,” She apologized. “It’s just that, you know, my desk area is being renovated and your desk looks so much cleaner than the others.”
“So you think that gives you the reason to place your ass on my new desk?” Madeline looked up as if considering the question.
“Yeah, I think that about sums it up. So, anyway, what were you working on, or rather, suppose to be working on?” Luke moved the mouse to his computer to interrupt the screen saver.
“Nothing, really. Just a couple of bizarre crime scenes. At least that’s what the police department considers them.” Madeline put down her magazine and looked at Luke’s monitor.
“Hey, I heard of that case on the news. It was about some victim’s suffocating to death but the police couldn’t find a reason why. You don’t think that’s odd?” Luke scoffed.
“Please, they could have choked on bubble gum for all we know. What I’m saying is that this case is in too early a stage for them to hand it over to us.” A sound came from the computer meaning that Luke just received a new e-mail. “What, now?” Luke opened his e-mail and skimmed through it.
“Well, what is it?”
“It’s another case. It’s about a couple of deaths at some behavioral asylum. They want me to investigate as soon as possible.” Luke stood up from his chair and grabbed his jacket from a nearby coat rack. Madeline came up behind him.
“Take me with you. I don’t have anything else to do. I’ll even ask if the chief will let me. Please bring me with you. I know I was just transferred here but I promise I will be a great help.” Luke let out a sigh. He couldn’t take it when Madeline begged him for something. He always seemed to give in. It was a definite weakness Luke had and she knew it only all too well.
Madeline may have been added to the Section Thirteen a little over a week ago but Luke knew her from college. She was young at the age of nineteen and was promised a full scholarship to any medical college of her choice if she agreed to some field time for a while. In short, the girl was a medical and mathematical genius. Sometimes Luke wished he would have gotten started at her age. He was twenty-four now. Being part of Section Thirteen had its benefits, so Luke would never complain out loud.
“Okay, alright. I’ll take care of chief just go get your forensics crap and we’ll go.” Within thirty minutes both Luke and Madeline were at the Asylum. As they stepped out of the car a sudden gust of wind picked up and almost knocked Madeline’s kit from her hand. Luke chuckled at Madeline’s struggle then looked up towards the sky. Great, Luke thought. Ominous, dark, clouds hanging over some creepy, desolated, and a creepy asylum. Welcome to a perfect scene for a horror film. “Well, this is the place. A gigantic, creepy, crazy house out in the middle of the gigantic, creepy, dense woods.”
“It’s not a crazy house. It’s a corrections facility.” The statement was more hopefully than factual. The two walked to the front doors and were greeted by two security guards.
“You must be the Section Thirteen.” One of the guards assumed.
“Yes, are the police here?”
“Yeah, they’re around back.”
“Is that where the crime scene is?”
“No, they’re looking for signs of the escaped offender.” Luke hesitated in his step.
“I see.” Luke said slowly. “Well, take us to where we’re supposed to go.” The two security guards lead Luke and Madeline to the room where the two victims were. They first came across a male doctor lying on the floor with a grotesque look on his face. Madeline shivered at the ghastly look.
“What happened to him?” She asked.
“No idea.” The second guard answered. “We tried to look at the camera footage but the damn thing blanked out just before the doctors arrived here. The first victim was Trent, I‘m guessing. Then inside,” The guard lead Luke and Madeline around the corpse and inside a decent sized, plain, room except for the second victim hanging on the far wall. “you have Maria.”
“Is that a pipe valve she’s stuck on to?” Madeline asked again.
“That’s got to be a pretty strong person to do that.” Luke commented “She’s impaled all the way through. Who was prisoner here? A pro wrestler?”
“This is gonna flip your lid,” The first guard chimed in again “but the person that was kept here was only a little nine or ten year old little girl.”
“Then she had to have some kind of help. There’s no way she could have done this on her own.” Madeline said. Luke turned towards her nodding his head.
“Just think. Look at how the doctor lying on the ground face is so distorted. If this little girl can do that then there is a pretty high probability that she can skewer this one through that pipe. Let’s take a closer look at, Trent, was it?” As Madeline took out her forensic kit she almost gagged when she looked at Trent’s face. His eyes were wide open but were rolled into the back of his head. His skin was dead pale but had hints of a small shade of green. His expression was a combination of horror and agony. Even his joints were locked in place. What was the most shocking feature was how his mouth was stretched abnormally long and stretched open.
“Oh, dear God. What the hell am I doing? I don’t even know where to begin.” Madeline took another glance but this time she couldn’t hold it in, turning around in time to vomit on the floor.
“Let’s just start off with looking over the files on this girl.” Luke followed the guards, while supporting Madeline on his shoulder, to a small private room. Luke took out the files on the girl. “Kayla...between eight and eleven years old. No relatives or known contacts. Five feet tall. Slender build. Long black hair, believed to be Caucasian. Pure blue eyes--there’s nothing in here at all that states any behavior?” One of the guards shook his head.
“Nope. Now that I remember, she was, actually, the most boring person here. She never did anything but stand in one of the back corners of her room. She never slept nor did she drink or use the restroom that we saw or noted. She never spoke either. She was assigned numerous doctors to try to figure her out but she either spooked them away or they just got frustrated and gave up.”
“I see.” Luke nodded his head. “Let’s go out back to see what the police came up with.” Luke and Madeline walked out the back door and approached what seemed like the guy in charge. Luke flashed his badge. “So, did you find anything?”
“Yeah, we got tracks going into the woods here and they head all the way until the stream at the bottom of the hill but unfortunately that’s where they end. They don’t appear on the other side of the bank so I have four units tracking either bank both ways.”
“How long ago did all this take place?”
“Judging by the female body, about an hour or two ago.”
“Then she couldn’t have gotten too far, right?”
“Who knows? Seeing that you’re here I’m guessing anything is possible.”
“Thanks for your time.” Luke turned and started walking back towards the door. Madeline had to practically jog with Luke in order to keep up.
“What happened? Is there something wrong?”
“Dead wrong. They’re not going to find her no matter how hard they try to track her down.”
“Why is that?”
“I just have a feeling. We’re just wasting our time here. We’ll have someone else tack care of checking the bodies. If my hunch is correct then those two are just a preface of what’s going to happen. This girl is going to continue to kill until she is stopped. What makes it worse is that there are probably people who will actually want her to roam around and will try to stop us at any cost.”
“Why would anyone do that?” Madeline asked now completely baffled.
“Because they are the ones who made her like this.”

Several security guards didn’t bother watching the camera monitors as they drank and gambled. They didn’t even see a shadow slip past one of the cameras.
“Ha! Sam, you’re on a losing streak. You’d best give up.” One of the drunken guards called out.
“My concentration is off because I’ve been holding my bathroom urges. I’m going to take a piss and when I get back I’m winning all of my money back with interest.” All of the guards laughed as Sam left the monitor room and closed the door. He instantly stopped chuckling when he noticed how eerie the halls were. “Stupid dim lights. There might as well be none at all, considering that you can hardly see.” After using the restroom he felt incredibly relieved and was ready to hit the poker table again when he heard a noise ahead of him. The lights were too dim to really make out anything. He took out his flashlight and gun and, cautiously, stepped forward. Something jumped from the shadows and landed in front of him. “Jesus, you scared me.” He bent down and picked up a stray cat. “It’s a good thing I already took a piss or else it would be all over my pants right now. Come on. You can keep us company.” As Sam picked up the cat he felt that there was something behind him but didn’t dare turn around. Instead, he rushed back to the monitor room.
“Yo, Sam, what’s the rush? Hey, where’d you find the cat?”
“Guy’s I think something or someone is out there.” The guards exchanged glances then looked at Sam once more.
“Did you see something?” One of the other guards asked.
“No, not really. But I know that there is someone.” Sam froze when he saw something appear on one the monitors. “Guy’s, look!” All of the guards shifted their attention to the monitors.
“What the hell is that?” One of them called out.
“I don’t know. A little girl, I think.” Another replied.
“Let’s go check it out.” The men stepped out of the monitor room and ran to where the camera spotted the girl. “Well, no one’s here now. Maybe she ran off somewhere else. Where’s Jimmy?” The guards looked around.
“Maybe he stayed behind for some reason.” Sam said panicked.
“No, I saw him come with us.” The guards backtracked to the monitor room and when they opened the door they all let out a gasp. “Dear, God. What happened to him?” Jimmy was in a chair with a repulsive expression on his face. There was a sound of a circuit breaking over head. One of the large coils of wires was cut and was about to come down. “Get away from here!” The guards turned around and started running in the opposite direction but before all of them could get away the live wire came down and the end struck one of the guards, instantly igniting him in a blaze of fire. The other three screamed as the body hit the floor. The already dim lights started flickering making the men stumble over several objects. Ahead they saw the little girl again.
“Hey, get out of here! It isn’t safe.” Sam called out. The girl ran off down the hall and the guards took off after her. They chased after the child for a while until they lost sight of her on one of the roof quadrants. “It’s like she knew where she was going.” Sam and the other two guards stopped a while to catch their breath. The girl was fast and managed to avoid every single dead end. The sound of a metal object falling seized their attention. They all immediately pulled their guns aware that what ever had killed Jimmy was probably still on the loose. The sound came from around the corner of one of the taller sections of the building. They heard the sound of a girl crying as the approached the area. When the guards rounded they corner they saw her sitting and hugging her knees. The child’s face was hidden behind her legs so the guards couldn’t tell exactly who she was. Suddenly, a shot rang out and one of the guards fell to the ground and didn’t move. The other immediately turned around.
“Sam! What the hell are you doing?” There was a look of pure fear on Sam’s face.
“I-I don’t know! I can’t control anything!” Sam then raised his gun and shot the other guard in the head. Sam looked at the girl and she raised her head and returned his stare with piercing ice blue eyes. He involuntarily raised the gun to his head. “Wha-what are you doing?”
“Exterminate.” Sam pulled the trigger and dropped to the ground.
Track 3. goes with the security guards scene as well as a lot of suspense scenes. there are different parts in the track that go along with the different scenes.
 
Chapter 2

Luke’s car sped through the streets ignoring traffic signals and nearly giving Madeline a heart attack at every four way intersection he ran through.
“Luke, can you please tell me what’s going on?” She asked angrily. Luke slowly decelerated to the proper speed limit.
“I didn’t want to hang around there anymore.” Luke stated in a hardly controlled voice.
“Well, yeah! I could tell that from you speeding away from the place at ninety-five miles an hour!” Madeline cooled her voice. “You normally don’t lose your cool like that, Luke, and it scares me, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t want to be hanging around just in case the girl is in the background taking faces to memory.”
“Why would she?” Luke’s cell phone rang and he jumped at the sound. He quickly fumbled his cell out of his pants pocket and answered. Madeline watched his expression grow dim and he finally hung up. “What is it?”
“That was the chief. He said he wants to speak with me.” A bright light in his rear view mirror made him speed up but the vehicle behind him kept pace with him. He slowed to let the vehicle pass. As it passed Luke’s car another appeared behind him again and the car that was now in front of him slowed. “What the hell?” A third vehicle pulled up, suddenly, alongside the car.
“Do you think these guys are the ones who you said will stop us at any cost?” Luke’s car was boxed in with the only opening being off the road way and into the grass.
“Probably.” Luke abruptly stomped on the gas pedal and rammed the black SUV in front and then hit the black car to his side. The act left a small opening in between the two vehicles and Luke sped through. Luke’s car quickly reached its top speed on the open road but the other three cars seemed to easily keep pursuit. “Madeline, I’m going to need you to take out at least one of those cars.” Luke said, his eyes constantly shifting between the road in front of him and the rear view mirror.
“How am I supposed to do that? I wasn‘t issued a gun or an RPG.” Madeline yelled, obviously in a panicked state.
“You haven’t been assigned a handgun yet?” Luke asked hysterically.
“Well, I haven’t exactly formed a fond relationship with weapons, okay?”
“There’s a pistol underneath my seat. Just grab it and shoot at their fastest vehicle! Anything to get them off our tail.” Madeline reached for the gun on the underside of Luke’s seat, being careful not to touch him for fear of him losing control of the car. After she grabbed the weapon she looked back behind their car. The only experience Madeline had in shooting a gun was at arcades and at basic training. She personally hated the things so she never really tried at qualifying to get one.
“Luke, it looks like all of their vehicles are easily keeping up with us.” One of the vehicles was starting to pull up alongside the car. Madeline quickly crawled to the back seat and opened the window.
“Hurry! I think they’re going to ram us off the road.” Madeline took aim and shot at the tires off the SUV. One of the bullets hit and the tire was instantly ripped to shreds. The vehicle tried to turn and but instead went into doing barrel rolls. The other two vehicles swerved clear of the rolling wreckage dwindling Madeline’s hopes of taking two birds with one stone.
“I got one of th-” Madeline’s triumphant rant was cut short when shots flared out from the car behind them. Luke quickly stepped on the breaks and was behind the two pursuers after they swerved to avoid Luke’s vehicle. Madeline shot into the left car’s tank several times and was rewarded when the back end blew up into flames making the vehicle flip over onto it’s roof. Luke and the last car approached a bridge and the last black motor vehicle started ramming into him trying to force his car off the road and into the river several stories below.
“Moron.” Luke said under his breath and again stepped on the breaks just when the black car tried to ram him again. Luke’s car tail ended the pursuer and made it spin off the road just as Luke’s car made it onto the bridge. They both watched as the last car tumbled down the side of the cliff and exploded into a pile of flames on the way down. Madeline crawled back into the front seat. “I thought you didn’t like guns?”
“That doesn’t mean I wasn’t good with them.” Madeline looked out the back window to see the black smoke rising in the air. “And with that we are now official enemies of whoever just tried to kill us.” She let out a sigh of relief. She had never been in combat situation before and first time she got combat experience it was a constantly moving one. Madeline then blew out a breath and laid down across the back seat. She was shivering but not from the cool Autumn air blowing in through the window that she opened. It was from the realization that she could have been killed. Luke’s voice brought her back to reality.
“The fact that they didn’t even give a warning is proof to how serious this is.”


The chief slammed his hands on the desk in front of him. “This is outrageous! Who would dare try to kill one of my best officers without reason?” Even though the chief was only in his upper twenties he had the temper of an old man, especially, when things went out of control.
“We don’t even know who it was. An SUV and two black cars. Both were black but other than that there is nothing. No license plate was seen on either of them.” Luke said in his regular calm voice. The rush of the day’s events obviously left him exhausted. Madeline was with the other nightshift workers. They both were going to stay at the office for a while since their home would be unsafe. “What was it you wanted me for in the first place?” The chief sat back in his seat to regain his composure.
“I have a mission for you.” He said pushing his eyebrows together. “It’s to investigate a facility where unexplained murders have happened. I understand if you don’t want to do it, particularly, after what happened to you tonight.”
“What does this mission have to do with me?”
“One of the bodies is like the doctor’s body and the asylum.”
“And why exactly am I the only one to be in on this case?” The chief let out a breath.
“Don’t worry. Madeline’s on it now too but her investigation is going to be elsewhere. You have more experience so it’s only to be expected that you search the areas that require a more experienced person like yourself. I’ll be in contact with you myself. You won’t be expected to do much. Only check the area and find any reason as to why the murderer would strike there.”
“I expect to be fully equipped with any defensive weapons.”
“But of course.”



The chief and Luke pulled into a back ally behind the facility. The chief stopped the car. “I expect you to be back in an hour; no more than that. And remember to expect anything.” Luke got out of the car and checked his assault weapon over.
“Yeah, I know. I made that oath when I signed up for this job.” Luke closed the door and the chief pulled out of the ally and drove off leaving Luke alone. Although, I rather go with the phrase, “expect nothing.” It was a phrase that Luke had made up himself. Instead of looking for anything that might surprise him he would go in with no expectations at all, that way the element of surprise doesn‘t exist. He already felt his confidence coming on as he dropped into a pipe line that leads under the facility. When he came to an opening that leads to an entrance into the building he readied his weapon. “Hey, chief, can you hear me?” Luke said in a quiet voice.
“Loud and clear. I got a visual too. That way if you see something crazy I might actually believe you, that is, if I can believe it myself.” Luke tried not to think too much of what the chief meant by that and continued on. He soon came across an area that had several small cells built into the walls.
“It looks like This is where they hold their dogs.”
“Yeah, but where are the dogs? None of the cages are open.” Luke spotted a cage that had been broke open from the inside. “What kind of dog do you think they hold here?” Luke squatted down to examine the cage wires.
“Most likely, Dobermans.” Luke grunted at the thought of having to take down an animal. He stood up and proceeded through the open door that leads out of the room. He quickly checked the three halls.
“What do you think, chief? Hall one, two, or three?” Luke turned on his flashlight to see in the dimly lit halls.
“Go to the left.” Luke followed the hall and thought he heard a growl come from behind him. He quickly spun around with his gun held up. There was nothing there.
“Did you hear that?”
“Hear what? Luke, don’t go crazy on me right now.”
“Never mind. It must have my imagination getting the better of me.” Luke continued down the hall and saw the monitor room. He opened the door, ignoring the smell of something being burnt. The room was empty with none of the televisions on. Luke closed the door and flipped the switch on, that was next to the door. All of the monitors came to life. It was then he saw a light flashing next to one of the security tape players signifying that the tape was full. Luke pressed the rewind button to see what was on the tape. As the tape rewound the image remained the same. Then a blotch flashed across the screen. “What?” Luke whispered to himself and quickly pressed the play button. A little girl was walking across the screen when she stopped and looked up at the camera. She then waved at the camera and Luke almost felt as if she were addressing him specifically. “Chief, you getting this right?”
The only response was the sound of light breathing. “Chief, are you alright?” Then he heard the sound of a little girl giggling. When he looked back at the monitor he saw the chief standing and waving where the girl was. Then he took out a gun a pointed it at his head. “NO!” Luke yelled out but the monitor only showed an empty hall. Luke calmed his heavy breathing. Not real. Just my imagination.
“Hey, Luke!” The chief’s voice over the earpiece made Luke’s heart skip several beats.
“God, chief!” Luke said in an exasperated voice.
“Quit scaring me like that. You just suddenly froze up and wouldn’t answer. I think you should come back.”
“Y-yeah. That sounds like a good idea right now.” Luke took out the tape and returned to the alley where the chief was waiting for him. When Luke climbed into the car he tossed the tape at the chief.
“Something on here?”
“I think so. Only one way to find out.”
 
My my! The music you've made is simply fantastic! I've only read the first chapter and heard the first song but I think that's you're a very talented musician. I prefer it when the guitar had a certain rhythm that you kept up but overall, it sounds amazing and the feelings of ... anger, tension and suspense is very obvious in your song. Poor trent and maria.... Well, I'll continue reading tomorrow. ^^ Good job.
 
Chapter 3
Sabrina looked out of her bedroom window in the two story home. She sighed as she recalled her best friend’s fifteenth birthday party that was cancelled due to the threat of the storm that was coming.
“Sabrina, time to eat.” Sabrina’s mother called from down stairs. She descended the stairs with a gloomy air about her. When she entered the kitchen her mother immediately knew there was a problem.
“Are you okay, sweetie? I’m sorry about the birthday party. How about I take you and Salem to a nice place tomorrow when the weather clears up.” Sabrina sat down in her place at the table her face looking hopeful.
“Where are we going?”
“Anywhere you to would like to go.” A smile finally played across Sabrina’s face.
“Anywhere?” Her mother nodded and placed a paper plate in front of Sabrina. She stared at the plate for a brief period.
“Mom, where’s the food.” As if answering her question the doorbell rang.
“Speaking of...” Her mother said and then went to answer the door. When it opened Sabrina’s best friend, holding a couple boxes of pizza was standing in the door way.
“Hello, Mrs. Peterson.” Sabrina’s mother let the girl inside and closed the door.
“Sabrina, Samantha is staying the night here, if that is alright with you.” A broad smile played on Sabrina’s face.
“Of course it is.”

The next day the two girls decided to go to a festival that was going to last all day. During the festival Sabrina got separated from Salem and Sabrina’s mother.
“I can’t find Sabrina anywhere!” Sabrina’s mother spun her head around frantically. The festival was crowed and picking out a fifteen year old girl proved to be difficult.


Sabrina had wondered to the edge of the crowed festival and was now walking through a forested area that wasn’t far off from where the festival grounds were. I can’t believe I got lost. Salem though to herself. There was a sound coming from a nearby brush and Sabrina jumped at the sound. It was then she noticed a girl hunched against the bush. The girl stood up and turned around. The two just stared at each other for a while not moving at all.
“Excuse me,” Sabrina started. “do you know where--”
“No.” The girl said cutting Sabrina off.
“I didn’t even finish my question.” Sabrina said annoyed.
“I don’t know the area.” Sabrina looked at the girl hesitantly.
“How did you know that I was lost?” The girl returned to what she was doing at the base of the bush. “Are you lost too?” The girl shook her head. “Then what are you doing here?” Sabrina asked.
“Meeting with my friend, here.”
“What friend?” Sabrina approached the bush.
“He’s not feeling well.” Sabrina gasp when she saw a dead crow lying on the ground. The girl looked up at Sabrina. “Do you think he’ll feel better in a little while?” Sabrina shook her head.
“It’s dead.” The girl looked horror stricken and quickly turned back towards the dead crow and shook it lightly. “I’m sorry.” Sabrina said sympathetically.
“Now I don’t have any friends.” There was a moment of silence until Sabrina spoke.
“Well, what about me then?” The girl looked at Sabrina for a little while.
“Are you saying you’ll be my friend?”
“Only if you tell me your name.“ Sabrina held out her hand and the girl took it. “Kayla. It’s Kayla.” Together they both managed their way back to the heart of the festival and literally ran into Salem.
“Sabrina,” Salem said shocked. “Where have you been. Me and you--” She stopped speaking when she realized Sabrina was holding hands with the girl. “Who’s this?”
“Salem, this is Kayla. We met up on the way here. She’s lost too.”
“Should we start looking for her parents, then?” Sabrina’s mother walked up from behind the group. Kayla shook her head.
“They are not here. I can find my own way back.” Kayla walked away and disappeared into the crowd of people.
“Well, who was that?” Sabrina’s mother asked.
“Kayla. I found her in the forest over there.” Sabrina pointed to a thick forest across the street from where they were standing.
“And how did you end up over there? We were looking everywhere for you!”
“I’m sorry. I saw something there and wanted to see it. It was after I had already gotten separated from you two. See, Mom. If I had a cell phone this would never be a problem.” Sabrina’s mother rolled her eyes.
“I’ll let it slide this once but that’s only because we’re celebrating Salem’s birthday. Now, come on the fireworks are about to start and I want to get the best seats. Do you think you can stick with us this time?”
“Yes, Mother.”

Sabrina woke up the next morning with the fresh aroma of breakfast being cooked in the kitchen downstairs. She got up and walked to the mirror hung on her bedroom door. Her brunette hair was a mess like it was every morning. She took her comb and was shortly presentable. She ran downstairs to the breakfast table. Salem went home right after they arrived home the previous night.
Sabrina’s mother set a plate down and the sight of the egg omelet with pancakes brought Sabrina’s hunger forth. After she was done eating her mother sat down with her own plate at the table.
“Any plans for today?” Sabrina pondered the question for a moment and suddenly came with an idea.
“Yes, I do. I want to go back to where they had the festival.” Her mother paused mid-chew. “I want to see if Kayla is there again.” Sabrina’s mother swallowed her food before speaking.
“I guess that’s alright but you be careful. I will meet you at the train station then. I have errands to run in that area anyway. Just make sure you catch the eight o’clock one.”
“Yes, Mother.”

As Sabrina walked through the forest she found that she couldn’t tell where she found the girl from before. She walked down a straight path hoping not to get lost. After walking aimlessly for ten minutes Sabrina was finally about to give up when she spotted something off in the distance that appeared different from the rest of the green forest. As she got closer to the object its shape became clearer to her. The object she saw was the dead crow. Sabrina wondered how long had it lay on the ground dead.
Sabrina stood up suddenly when the sound of footsteps approached. Kayla soon stepped into view. Like their first encounter the two girls stared at each other.
“I see you came to see him off as well.” Kayla spoke breaking the awkward silence.
“Well,” Sabrina started and then realized that if she said the wrong thing then Kayla might get upset. “I did and hoped to see you as well.” Kayla looked at Sabrina puzzled.
“Why would you want to see me again?”
“We’re friends remember?” Kayla held the same unchanging face. “You don’t smile much do you?” Kayla’s face became even more puzzled as if trying to recall the last time she performed such a simple action that was so long ago. Sabrina had never really paid attention to Kayla when they met for the first time the day before. She was too focused on worrying about her Mother and friend.
Kayla’s eyes were an icy blue with an unnatural black hair color. Sabrina wondered if it was dyed that color. The girl’s skin was pale in complexion and her hair was very long and ended at her thighs. The way her hair was would have shown Kayla to have a nice forehead but had strands covering most if it. The clothes she wore were an old Victorian style dress that made her seem like a very old fashioned type of girl.
“Do you have a lot of friends?” Kayla asked suddenly. “You are my best friend—my only friend. I don’t want anyone to take that away.” Sabrina felt uneasy when she saw the maniacal look in Kayla’s eyes but they soon returned to their normal look.
 
I just realized that Track 02 (A Sad Tale) is missing. oops. i forgot to upload it but oh well. it was short and went with the car chase scene. but anyway here's more. a pretty short chapter. The Crow goes with this chapter as well.

Chapter 4
“So do you?” Kayla asked after she buried the crow underneath the bush. “Are you one of those popular girls?”
“No. Why don’t you have any friends?” Kayla remained silent for a moment.
“Mother won’t let me.”
“And why is that?” Kayla shrugged. Sabrina glanced at her watch.
“Oh! Sorry, Kayla, I need meet up with my friend from yesterday at home.”
“But you’re my friend!” Sabrina jumped at Kayla’s sudden outburst.
“I don’t belong to any one person. And you don’t either. I’ll see you later.” Sabrina walked at a brisk pace out of the forest. When she got to the train station her mother was already waiting for her.
“Sabrina, I take it you haven’t seen Salem?”
“What? Are you telling me Salem is here?”
“Well, she called wanting to come over to the house but I told her that we were out. She said that she was already on the train and that she would meet us on the way back. But I haven’t seen her here yet.”
“Maybe she hasn’t gotten here yet or she might have been called home.” Sabrina’s mother pulled out her cell phone from her purse.
“That’s possible but do you think she would have called?” Sabrina shrugged. “Well, I don’t have time to waste. I still have to cook dinner tonight.” Sabrina’s mother dialed Salem’s cell phone number and after a few seconds flipped the phone close. “She’s not picking up.”
The dark of the night had already settled in and the lights around the station started to flicker to life. The eight o’clock train rolled up and Sabrina and her mother walked on board. Sabrina couldn’t help but think about Kayla and the way she acted earlier. The girl obviously didn’t stay around people a lot. Sabrina noticed that no one was on the train and started to walk to the other trolley.
“Sabrina, where are you headed off to?”
“I’m going to check out the other cart, Mom.” Her mother sighed.
“Just try not to get lost, okay?” Sabrina rolled her eyes and opened the doors to get to the next cart. Sabrina heard a recorded voice say the next destination the train was arriving to as it slowed down to a stop. It wasn’t the stop Sabrina and her mother had to get at. The still had another forty-five minutes until their destination. A person stepped onto the train and Sabrina noticed the person to be Salem.
“Salem, where were you? Me and—” Sabrina stopped when she saw the look of pure terror on Salem’s face. “Salem, what happened?” It was then that Sabrina noticed the blood stains on Salem’s yellow t-shirt.
“They were killed!” Salem said in a shaky voice.
“Who? Who was killed?”
“A lot of people.” Sabrina grasped Salem by the shoulders.
“Were you hurt? Who did this?” Salem swallowed hard.
“A girl.” Sabrina thought of Kayla killing someone. No, that’s crazy. Even if she is a little different she wouldn’t kill. Sabrina thought to herself.
“Salem, are you sure? Or is this another one of your ‘a million pranks?’” Salem looked at Sabrina with a surprised look.
“I’m not joking, Sabrina! She kills without hesitating—without even touching most people!” A passenger that must have been sitting off in the far corner got up.
“Okay, now I know this is one of your stupid jokes.” Sabrina said irritated. Then she saw the person that had gotten up. “Hi, Kayla. What are you doing here?” Salem turned around and gasped.
“It’s her!” Sabrina’s face flushed red.
“What are you talking about?” Salem pointed a finger at Kayla.
“She’s the killer!” Kayla held her usual look of confusion. Sabrina turned Salem around to face her.
“Stop it! Your jokes are getting worse and worse and this prank is the lowest of them all! I won’t put up with it anymore. I can’t trust you anymore.”
“Please, Sabrina!” Tears were started to slide down Salem’s cheek.
“Liar…” A voice behind Salem was heard and suddenly she was severed in half, at the waist. Salem’s upper body hit the floor and soon her lower half dropped as well. Most of the blood had gotten on Sabrina’s shirt as she stood in horrified silence looking at her dead friend. Her head then turn to Kayla and she started stepping back as Kayla stepped forward. The doors behind Sabrina opened.
“Sabrina, what"” Her mother started and then saw Salem’s severed body. Before she could let out a scream her jaw was suddenly ripped out and her body was thrown, by an unseen force, out of the train window.
“Mom!” Sabrina turned to Kayla hatred brewing inside her.
“Why! Why did you have to kill them?” Kayla held Sabrina’s stare with her own icy, murderous glare.
“If you weren’t my friend I would have killed you too.”
“So you really did kill all of those people from before! Salem was telling the truth. And I didn’t believe her.”
“You can believe what you want. If you want to deem I killed those people then go on ahead and believe that.” The lights dimmed and went out for a brief second. The train went through a tunnel and when it came back out there was no sign of Kayla.
 
OMG.... Kayla is so evil... This sort of reminds me of Elfin Lied for some reason. The gruesome details and the icy looks were very well used! Good job vincent! I can't wait to read more! Poor Salem and Sabrina's mom...
 
OMG.... Kayla is so evil... This sort of reminds me of Elfin Lied for some reason. The gruesome details and the icy looks were very well used! Good job vincent! I can't wait to read more! Poor Salem and Sabrina's mom...
only saw the first episode and last episode of elfin lied. i'm grateful for you liking it too. plan on putting the next chapter on my birthday which is Wednesday! yes 21 here i come! and thank you for reading.
 
I'll be wishing you a happy birthday when that comes. ^^ Keep up the great work! I actually enjoy reading supernatural stories with twists like this such as yours. There's alot of tension in it :D
 
I'll be wishing you a happy birthday when that comes. ^^ Keep up the great work! I actually enjoy reading supernatural stories with twists like this such as yours. There's alot of tension in it :D
thanks. i'm working on a pic of Sabrina and Kayla. it's a quick sketch though so not too many details. just the basic idea. i want to make another pic of someone else but posting that would ruin the future chapters of the story so i'll hold back. i'll have the kayla and Sabrina pic up tomorrow if not tonight.
 
alright. made a quickie. not much but this is Salem and Kayla. want to make a more detailed pic later. i have a good one of Kayla somewhere. I just gotta find it first. will probably put that up tomorrow (or rather today) if i find it.
Bereveament Symphony1.jpg
 
This is pretty freakin sweet Vincent! Quite demented as well.

Darkwings brought it up, I was going to mention Elfen Lied in my very first response, but decided to hold out. haha!

I won't get too nitpick-y, but this will help. For one of your revision/edits, read it out loud to yourself, or better yet have someone else read it out loud too you. (this is the most nerve-racking thing I've done myself, at my cousins writers-group, surrounded by people with degrees in the field) but god it helps a lot.
 
I saw this thread and I was like 'Yeah, he finally put it up! ^^' I haven't heard the soundtrack though so I think I'll play it while I re - read.
Elfen Lied? Most disturbing, demented, freakish shit I have ever watched O.o
 
Great picture vincent! I love the fact that you drew it in black and white since it fits with the dark atmosphere!
@kira- lol I agree Elfin Lied was gruesome! But I kinda felt sorry for the characters at one point or another. The first time i watched it, I was like O_______O....
 
Chapter 5


Luke had fallen asleep in a small room with a project on top of a lone table. He was watching the tape he had gotten earlier. He couldn’t find the spot where he thought he saw the girl. Many times he would rewind the tape and every time the lights would blank out around the time that the girl was supposed to appear. It was already late and Luke fell asleep at the monitor. Luke stirred when he heard a noise of a switch being flipped. His eyes groggily opened and noticed that the room’s source of light had been turned off. It was then that he realized the projector was on before he fell asleep. He saw something move in the corner of his eye and jumped reaching for a gun that wasn’t on him. He had left it in the locker room—stupid mistake on his part.
“Hey, calm down.” The voice belonged to Madeline.
“Jesus, don’t do that. You scared me big time.”
“Sorry.” Luke let out a breath. “I wanted to ask you something.”
“What is it?” Luke said noting the tone of Madeline’s voice. She seemed dead serious about whatever was on her mind. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped again.
Calm down and sit, please.” Madeline eased him into a chair.
“Can we turn on a light, please? It’s kind of hard to maneuver in this room without me seeing.”
“Sure, turn the projector on. I saw you were asleep so I turned it off hoping not to wake you.”
“That’s okay. Just try making more noise when you do it. By the way what was your question?” Luke thought he heard Madeline chuckle. It wasn’t long before she put her arms over Luke’s shoulders from behind him. She then started humming a tune that Luke thought was familiar.
“Do you think you are still sane?” Luke couldn’t help but scoff.
“Maybe. I think I am—” The sound of his cell phone cut him off. He took it out and saw that it was an unknown name and number. He got up from his seat, flipping open his cell phone to take the call, while heading for the door. The hall lights were dim and some were flickering.
That’s strange. I thought that this was a new area for this building. Maintenance must not get paid too much. Luke thought and held the phone to his ear.
“Hello?” The voice that answered made Luke’s heart practically stop.
“Luke, this is Madeline. I need to know if you came up with any leads on your end.” Luke slowly turned around to see the person he thought was Madeline in the first place. The person was still there but they were sitting in the chair watching the tape. He could only see the back of their head but saw that the individual had long black hair and her height didn’t seem to be the same as Madeline’s. “Luke? Hello?” Madeline’s voice fell on deaf ears as Luke seemed horror stricken.


“Luke? Answer me.” Madeline said raising her voice.
“Is there a problem?” A coworker asked as he was passing by.
“I don’t know. Maybe the line went—” Suddenly, a scream was heard on the phone and Madeline instantly bolted from her seat.
“Where’s Luke at right now?” Madeline quickly asked the man.
“He said he was going to one of the projection rooms to view something he found.”
“Where is it?” Madeline screamed.
“Come, follow me.” The two sprinted towards the door that led out of the office area. “Call this in to Chief McSaph! This might be serious.” The coworker yelled to another member as he and Madeline rushed out. It only took a couple of seconds to reach the hallway that held the viewing rooms. Madeline screamed when she saw the blood splattered walls and the trail that led into one of the rooms.
“Oh, God.” Madeline could feel her tears start to swell up in her eyes. “No, no, no. Please.” The woman shrank down clutching her head with her face buried into her knees. The other officer stepped past her and approached the room. A waft of a grotesque smell came over him and he instantly cupped his hand over his nose and mouth. When he saw the inside of the room the man’s eyes grew wide. The room was a bloodbath. Three walls were covered with blood. He pulled a flashlight from his duty belt and shined the light around the room.
“What in Christ’s name happened?” He noticed something on the floor and could nearly keep from barfing at the sight of the body. The body looked as if it was skinned; a large pull of blood surrounded it. He quickly flashed his light around the rest of the room and something on the far wall caught his eye. There was something written on it. “What the hell?” The wall had a single word smeared by what the officer thought was the man’s blood.

EXTERMINATION​
 
The sentences in the beginning did not flow very well since it seemed kind of clipped. But when Luke started to walk down that hallway and had that cellphone conversation, things moved at a better pace. The description of the room and the horrified emotion of madeline and that guy ended off your latest chapter really well. I would recommend adding a few more details to the settings since you're really good at descriptions at some parts while at other parts, it need more attention. But overall, I'm excited to read your next chapter. ^-^
 
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