Soul Calibur TV

Xianghuafan85

[08] Mercenary
* All Soul Calibur characters belongs to Namco and the shows in topic belongs to their respected owners* (on another note this is my first fan fiction I hope you all enjoy it.)

Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms? Well sit back and enjoy reading these episodes of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms.

let's start with one of my favorite characters Xianghua in: I love Xiangua: The music producer

(the theme of I Love Lucy comes on, the lights comes up in the living room scene Kilik in a business suit and suitcase enters the room)


Kilik: I'm home!

Xianghua: (enters the living room) oh Kilik i am so happy that you are home! (kiss her husband passionately on the lips)
Kilik: ( breaks off the kiss) Listen Xianghua, a very famous music producer and dear friend is coming over for a visit, to discuss this talent show. So i want you on your best behavior NO MISCHIEF!
Xianghua:( gets star struck begins to sing off -key)
Kilik: (cuts her off ) please don't sing! last thing i need is you scaring him off!
Xianghua: but honey i can sing, wait a minute you never complained about my singing before.
Kilik: that's because you never sing outside the bedroom before, besides he is looking for professionals anyway and i don't want you in this show.
Xianghua (protests) but Kilik -
Kilik (interrupts her) the subject is closed Xianghua! (doorbell rings, he goes to the door to greet Maxi, the music producer) now make yourself useful and bring some refreshments.
Xianghua (rolls her eyes and storms into the kitchen)
Kilik: wow Maxi it really been a long time since college
Maxi: yeah i know, i made it as a record producer at Kitia yuga records, this is why i came by, one of the judges had been in the hospital for food poisoning, so i need you to judge the talent show.
Kilik: why not, I will love to help you out, anyway Maxi, I want you to meet my wife.(shouts) honey, can you come in here please.
Xianghua: (returns to the living room with the refreshments she nearly drops the tray when she sees Maxi) Good evening you must be the music producer.
Maxi: Yes I am (shakes Xianghua's hand) hi my name is Maxi producer of Kitia Yuga records, but i never catch your name young lady.
Kilik: this is my wife, Xianghua.
Maxi: wow Kilik, I never picture you the married type you have a very pretty wife.
Kilik: thanks well if you excuse me i am going to the restroom.
(Kilik exits, Xianghua looks around to see if the coast is clear)
Maxi: so Xianghua, that is a very pretty name for such a lovely lady.
Xianghua: thank you, i am very talented too want to hear me sing?
Maxi: uh sure...
Xianghua begins to sing on key at first Maxi begins to smile but becomes disturbed when she sings off key unaware that Kilik is right behind her.
Kilik: (angrily) Xianghua!
Xianghua: (stops singing, turns around to face Kilik) What!
Kilik: Cut it out you are embarassing me
Xianghua: But Kilik I want to sing!
Kilik: Listen Xianghua, I am going to be a judge of the talent show tomorrow night and I don't want you in the show understand!
Xianghua: (whines) But Kilik I want to be in the show!
Kilik: you are NOT going to the show and that's final! (goes to Maxi in a calm voice) Maxi I will see you tomorrow at the Azure Arena right?
Maxi: Right, see you then.
Xianghua gives the men a nasty look and leaves the living room muttering under her breath.
The next evening Kilik is getting ready for the talent show, he explains to Xianghua on why he don't want her in the show.
Kilik: now sweetie, I know you are mad at me, but i am actually saving you from embarassing yourself out there.
Xianghua: (thinking to herself) More like embarrassing you
Kilik: (continues) I am only Doing this because I love you, we will talk when i get back I love you (kiss Xianghua on the cheek, as he heads to the door)
Xianghua: I love you too (she close the door behind him) (to herself) I'll show him! (she looks around for a disguise finds a short sexy dress that she wore for Halloween last year and a brunette wig she borrowed from her neighbor last week got herself ready and leaves for the arena)
Meanwhile at Azure Arena dozen hopefuls are performing their talents to the judges one by one each person preform giving it their all, but the judges were growing bored.
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen there you have it our performers let's give the around of applause. (someone hands the announcer a card) Oh I am sorry we got a last minute entry so put your hands together for Chai!
Xianghua who is in complete disguise begins to preform her Ballard the audience as well as the judges are moved by her song.
Kilik: there is something about her I can't put my finger on it
once she is finished, the house stands in a wave of applause, Xianghua smiles and takes a bow unaware that she did not put on her wig on tight, as she bows the wig falls off! the crowd fell silent
Kilik looks up and frowns at Xianghua
Kilik: Start explaining Xianghua!
Xianghua (groans)

Well that about do it for this show, see you next time where we bring in a new batch of characters and a brand new show!
 

HiguraShiki

[10] Knight
LOOOOOOL!
I can actually picture this!
Loved it when Maxi turned out to be the music producer in the beginning and Xianghua acts so much like herself X3

Kitia Yuga Records... LOL XD
 

ShaolinTiger86

[13] Hero
Great concept, keep up the great work. I enjoyed reading the first chapter, hopefully, there will be more to come. I'm staying tuned to Soul Calibur TV.
 

Xianghuafan85

[08] Mercenary
Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms? Well sit back and enjoy reading these episodes of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms.

Let's tune in to the school of sex with Dr. Ivy Valentine....Host of this series: (nervously)uh oh....

Ivy: Welcome to the school of sex i am your host Dr.Ivy Valentine and tonight we have three techniques that can improve your love life with the help my assistants Taki and Mitsurugi will guide you on what to on foreplay, oral and the hardcore stuff ok let's begin.
First, we will start some gentle foreplay.
Mistsurugi will start to nibble on Taki's neck.
Taki will take off Mitsurugi's clothes off, and she does the same
now they are completely naked, Mitsurugi will preform oral-
(service was interrupted!)
Ivy: What the hell is going on?
Producer: static interference go on with the show
(service is back to normal)
Ivy (resumes): Next, Taki will pinch his nipples to get them erect as she tries the cowgirl position. ladies it is very important arch your back while trying this position.
let's move to the doggy position-
(service interrupted again)
Ivy: (shouts) COME ON NOW SERIOUSLY?!
Producer: Ivy it's not our fault! the censors are on our asses on this show!
Ivy: (pulls out her sword valentine) well somebody better do something fast!
(service resumes Ivy is keeping her composure)
Ivy: After climax, the couple snuggle next to each other, this is the end of the intercourse.
well I hope you and your lover learn something from this. This is Dr. Ivy Valentine sensual dreams.
Producer(shouts):CUT!
Ivy (annoyed sigh) I f*#@ing quit!
(long beep shows a picture of baby kittens)
Announcer: please stand by.

Due to the explicit nature of this program the school of sex is on hiatus until further notice until then stay tuned for to catch a predator
 

bobdude

[08] Mercenary
LOL. The second one worried me for a while there... it didn't get too bad, though, so thumbs up!
 

Xianghuafan85

[08] Mercenary
Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms? Well sit back and enjoy reading these episodes of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms.

now we return to catch a predator (our translator will try his best to translate Voldo's language)

(Voldo enters the house)
Boy: on in have a seat make your self at home.
Voldo: hissssss (ok)
(Voldo enters the kitchen)

Chris: Hello Voldo, have a seat, do you know why you are here?
Voldo shakes his head (no)
Chris: so who are you here to see?
Voldo:hisssss gurnt (carl)
Chris: do you know how old he is?
Voldo: grunt (21?)
Chris: no he's 13
Voldo: hissssssssssssssssss (what! that is not what he told me he said on the chatroom)
Chris: what are your plans to do with this boy?
Voldo:grunt (uh...nothing)
Chris:(grabs the bag of sex toys a whip and other odd things and puts it on the table) really. (reads off the paper) are you in to S&M? because i love to do it from behind. i will f*** you so hard with my big long (censored!)
Voldo looks disturbed and looks around the room to see any cops around
Chris: do you watch TV?
Voldo: shakes his head but he begins to panic as he is looking for an exit.
Chris: I'm Chris-
before Chris can finished Voldo jumps out the window running away.
Chris: (sighs) where do we get these freaks?
Porducer: beats me?
Well that about do it for this show, see you next time where we bring in a new batch of characters and a brand new show!
 

Xianghuafan85

[08] Mercenary
Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, Due to Circumstances beyond my control , i am unable to work on the Soul Calibur TV project for a while. but don't fret i am leaving this project in very good hands to my dear friend / sweetheart ShaolinTiger86 who is the creator of the Real World Soul Calibur style and Detective Kilik to name a few. He will take over this project temporally until my issues are finally resolved. also i am working on two other projects that will be released soon, the party a comedy mini-series in late march, and a chronicles of the sword like series action and adventure story *i will explain later* in April. until then, see you around and thank you all for understanding.

Xianghuafan85
 

ShaolinTiger86

[13] Hero
Hi, everyone. This is ShaolinTiger86. As most of you know, I will be taking over Soul Calibur TV for a while until Xianghuafan85 returns. I look forward to adding new shows and love to hear your responses. In the meantime, I will be working on a show for you all. Thank you.
 

ShaolinTiger86

[13] Hero
Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms? Well sit back and enjoy reading these episodes of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms.

Warning:
The following show features stunts performed either by Soul Calibur characters or under the supervision of Soul Calibur characters. Accordingly, Soul Calibur TV and its creator(s) must insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact any stunt or activity performed on this show.

Siegfried: Hi, I'm Siegfried, welcome to Soul Calibur Jackass (Siegfried gets punched in the back of his head by Cassandra)

The Jackass theme song plays as various clips of the Soul Calibur characters doing stupid yet harmful things to themselves. The intro ends with Xianghua landing face first in shaving cream and Kilik yelling to Seong Mi-Na to wash his back.

***Punt Return Touchdown***
Xianghua: Hi, I'm Chai Xianghua and this is the Punt Return Touchdown.
Xianghua is wearing a New England Patriots uniform, standing at one end of the football field. On the other end of the football field are Maxi, Yun-Seong, Astaroth, Zasalamel, and Mitsurugi wearing New York Giants uniforms. Cassandra blows a whistle, signaling Yun-Seong to punt the football to Xianghua, who catches the ball. Xianghua jukes past Maxi but is tackled immediately by Astaroth.

Everyone: Ooh.

Cassandra: Do it again

Xianghua: I think I broke a rib

Cassandra: Quit your belly aching, you got on more pads then the guys.

On the second attempt, Xianghua manages to roll past Mitsurugi but is tackled by Yun-Seong, sending her out of bounds.

Xianghua: Dammit, Yun-Seong
Yun-Seong celebrates over the prone body of Xianghua

On the third attempt, Xianghua ends up dropping the ball. Before she can recover the ball, she is tackled by Maxi and Mitsurugi, resulting in a safety. Maxi and Mitsurugi high five each other.

Cassandra *blowing her whistle* Safety!

Xianghua: Aww crap, I think I'm not getting up.

On the fourth attempt, Xianghua manages to juke past Yun-Seong, Maxi, and Mitsurugi. She rolled past Astaroth and just as she's about to reach the goal, she is tackled by Zasalamel.

Xianghua: I was so close... Kilik, come help me.

Kilik: Do I have to, Xianghua?

Xianghua: Yes, dammit. Now, come on!

On the fifth and final attempt, Xianghua, using Kilik as a human shield, manages to get a touchdown.

Cassandra *blows her whistle* Touchdown, Xianghua!

Xianghua celebrates by jumping on Kilik. Afterwards, she is blatantly tackled by Maxi and Yun-Seong.

Xianghua: Crap, I think I'm gonna need a chiropractor after this.
***Stunt ends***

In one shot, we see Talim holding a football in place for Yun-Seong to kick. Yun-Seong runs towards the ball and as he is about to kick it, Talim lifts the ball in the air, causing Yun-Seong to almost kick her yet split his pants.

***World Cup***
Kilik: Hi, I'm Kilik and this is the World Cup (Ivy runs up to Kilik and kicks him in the groin)
Kilik is wearing a Chinese National Team soccer uniform and a cup hopefully guarding his nether regions. Talim, wearing a Philippines National Team soccer uniform, runs up to Kilik and kicks him in the groin.

Kilik: *groaning*
Yun-Seong runs up to Kilik and kicks him in the groin.

Yun-Seong GOAL! *takes off soccer jersey and runs towards Xianghua*

Kilik: Dammit Yun-Seong

Raphael takes his sweet time getting to Kilik and literally kicking him so hard, it caused Kilik to remain on the ground for 5 minutes.

Raphael: For Amy!

Kilik: Oh god, please tell me this is over with?

Cervantes: One more left

Cervantes runs right up to Kilik and kicks him hard in the groin.

Kilik: I might not be able to make any kids

Xianghua: Oh, there there. *intentionally grabs Kilik's groin*

Kilik: Argh!
***Stunt ends***

In another scene, we see Raphael in a French soccer uniform arguing with Voldo who is wearing an Italian soccer uniform. Raphael headbutts Voldo on the chest but ends up hurting himself. It is later revealed that Voldo had a breastplate underneath the shirt.

***Shirts vs. Skins***
Siegfried: Hi I'm Siegfried and this is Shirts vs. Skins.

Siegfried, Maxi, Hwang, Mitsurugi, and Kilik all show up on a basketball court wearing nothing but sneakers. The basketball players looked shocked and surprised.

Siegfried: You guys ready to play some hoops?

Siegfried, Kilik, and Hwang starts shooting three pointers as the basketball players are distracted by their opponents. Mitsurugi dunks on a basketball player, causing him to rub his face. Maxi is playing defense. One of the basketball players get very paranoid and makes a mistake, causing a fast break as Kilik, Hwang, and Siegfried pass the ball to each other in transition, Kilik making a layup. Siegfried, Kilik, Hwang, Maxi, and Mitsurugi high five each other. The basketball players look disgusted, shaking their heads.

Siegfried: We played a good game, didn't we?

Maxi: Sure did.
***Stunt ends***

In one shot, we see Raphael and Cassandra playing naked tennis. Cassandra backhands the tennis ball, hitting Raphael in the groin.

***Hockey Check***
Ivy: I'm Ivy Valentine
Taki: and I'm Taki
Both: And this is hockey check!

Xianghua, Cassandra, Seong Mi-Na, Sophitia, and Hilde are dressed as figure skaters. As they are practicing on the ice, Ivy and Taki, wearing hockey uniforms, come charging at them. Ivy checks Hilde, knocking her on the ice.

Hilde: Ow, dammit. The hell

Taki checks Xianghua up against the glass pane as the guys cheer.

Xianghua: For fucks sake, Taki.

Ivy checks both Cassandra and Sophitia, knocking them both out.

Taki blatantly checks Seong Mi-Na, sending her flying near a goal post. As Hilde tries to get herself off the ice, Ivy checks her again.

Ivy: How you like that, sweet lips?

Xianghua and Cassandra both try to take out Taki but ends up being clotheslined by her. Sophitia goes right after Taki also, resulting in the same fate as Xianghua and Cassandra. Ivy and Taki both check Seong Mi-Na near the glass pane, causing her to fall down slowly. Ivy and Taki high five each other leaving Xianghua, Cassandra, Sophitia, Seong Mi-Na and Hilde on the ice.

Hilde: I hate hockey.
***Stunt ends***

In one shot, we see Ivy and Taki, instead of checking people on the ice, engage in an actual hockey fight. At first, Ivy seems to get the better of Taki until Taki aims for Ivy's chin and takes control of the fight. Ice skaters break up the fight, separating Ivy and Taki.

In another shot, we see Cassandra running towards a pummel horse, looking to pull off some flips in the air. She's in the air, flipping and turning until she lands straight on her face.

***Fastball***
Mitsurugi: The name's Heishiro Mitsurugi
Yun-Seong: And I'm Hong Yun-Seong
Both: And this is fastball

Mitsurugi and Yun-Seong are seen wearing baseball uniforms, their backs facing Taki and Setsuka.

Setsuka: This is gonna hurt me more than this will hurt you, Mitsurugi.

Mitsurugi: Bring it, you bit--

Mitsurugi is hit in the back of his head with a fastball going 98 miles per hour.

Mitsurugi: Ow!

Yun-Seong chuckles. The next thing he knows, he is hit by a 97 mile per hour fastball in the back of his right leg.

Yun-Seong: Dammit, who was that?

Mitsurugi and Yun-Seong both get hit by 95 mile per hour fastballs in their butts.

Mitsurugi: I need that to sit on.

Yun-Seong: What he said.

At this point, Taki and Setsuka bring in automatic ptiching machine, loading all the baseball in it, and setting it the speed to fast. Mitsurugi and Yun-Seong are peppered by dozens of flying fastballs. Both men run for safety.

Yun-Seong this was a terrible ass idea.

Mitsurugi: Ah, my back, my back. Dammit Setsuka.

Everyone begins laughing as the show closes
***Stunt ends***

As the credits roll, we see various outtakes which include:
- Xianghua doing her best tebowing impersonation
- Kilik, foolishly taunting Seong Mi-Na to kick him in the groin and eventually gets kicked there
-Siegfried hanging off the rim of the basketball goal
- Ivy and Taki checking each other
- Mitsurugi getting hit by a fastball thrown by Setsuka
- Yun-Seong running towards Xianghua holding a football, hoisting her over his shoulder as he makes a touchdown
and celebrating by doing backflips.