Who's the right character for you?

damn-I-Suck

[12] Conqueror
This thread was inspired by the thread "information of every character". Only this time, it's all for fun/not serious. Post any revisions you think are funnier than mine, if I like it, I'll change it. Remember now, this is all for comedy! Now, make me laugh damnit!

Sieg: Play if you are manly. Learn how to pretend that you whiffed on purpose.

NM: Play if you wanna constantly backstep like a little bitch. For cowards who wanna keep their distance from people. For those that wish to compensate for something. Use his 2P weapon with his 1P costume and the entire right side of his body is a penis, which can be detached at half-mast. You're welcome.

Astaroth: Play if you like WWE, the HULK, or you're a bodybuilder. If you have an unhealthy obsession with unscaleable plateaus, you will love the big guy.

Xiba: Play if you have the munchies.

Pat: Play if you're a cop. Feel that justice baby! Also, this one's reserved for smug ass holes.

Apat: Play if you're a robot with no soul. Play if your finger dexterity is inhuman. For people who think "how" you press the buttons is more important than "why".

Omega: Play if you like kinky, gothy, slutty bitches, who love to stab you in the back.

Tira: Play if you're bipolar, or a meth head who gets jolly when they shoot up, and gloomy when they come down.

ZWEI: Play if you're a twilight fanboy fag. This werewolf sparkles too! Play if you really hate winning.

Dampierre: Play if you're rich and eccentric, and like kicking people in the nuts.

Leixia: Play if annoying little Asian girls is your sexual fantasy. Being able to be a big baby while breaking ankles.

Aeon: Play if you're secretly one of those reptilian men. Play Aeon if your lizard vision is based on movement.

Devil Jin: Play if you like Tekken and wanna troll SC by beating up SC characters.

Maxi: Play if you like Elvis, or like retro hair styles. If you were ever one of those kids who made nunchucks, this guy is for you.

Phyrra: Play if you're a pedophile that likes innocent, helpless little girls. Play if your the type that's too quick to apologize.

Viola: Play if you're one of those tards who believe in magic and fortune-telling Tarot cards. Also play if you're old school and grew up with freddy Crugar. If you like balls, this character is for you.

Algol: Play if you think you're better than everyone else, or deserve to sit in a throne. After all, both you and the mighty Algol have no equal.

Ezio: Play if you liked Assassin's Creed, or if you really have a thing for "mustardo". Play if you love to tell people I told you so, "I tried to warn you".

Mitsurugi: Play if you're the type of guy who watches Jackie Chan/Jet LI movies for hours on end. Who doesn't love the Asian badass? Play if you love the Samurai.

Voldo: Play if you like obscure, unorthodox tactics. Also, play if you're a gay man and likes to do pelvic thrusts while they dance to "Macho Man". Play if you're the ultimate troll. Play if, despite all your best efforts, you still don't fit comfortably into society.

Hilde: Play if you are boring and have no personality, and have nationalistic beliefs. "for our homeland!". Also play if you are a patriotic douch-bag.

Natsu: Play if you like the idea of white people learning Asian martial arts, so Bruce Lee fans should play her. Also, play her if you have a thing for tiny tits. Or, play if the idea of a petite blonde ninja turns you on.

Raphael: Play if you're annoying as fuck and like to constantly "poke" people with your annoying bullshit. Play if you have a thing for fencing or vampires.

Cervantes: Play if you grew up thinking that pirates are the coolest villians ever! Play if you like Pirates of the Caribbean, and think that Johny Depp as a pirate is the sexiest thing ever.

Ivy: Play if you like dominatrix, loose women who age very well, but who also possess the culture for the more refined things in life. Play if you like whips and pain.

Yoshi: Play if everything is a joke to you, and you love to troll. If you enjoy stabbing yourself, while still coming back to win, then he's for you. Also, play if you think a flag is a viable weapon compared to a sword.

Elysium: Play if scantily clad women with machine guns is your number #1 fantasy. Play Elysium when "it's meaningless".

Edge Master: Play if your old and decrepid, and you have to "trick" the young people in order to win. Play if you believe that the wisdom of old age outweighs the strength of youth. Play if you're a bitter old man. Play Edgemaster when you lack training.

Kilik: Play if you've ever had to give something up in life, or make a huge sacrifice. Kilik had to give up the Kali-Yuga, so he feels your pain. Play if you'd like to go back to the old days, the way things used to be. Trust me, Kilik wants his old moveset back just as bad as you do.
 

DarkMoonFantasy

[12] Conqueror
Viola: Play if you're one of those tards who believe in magic and fortune-telling Tarot cards. Also play if you're old school and grew up with freddy Crugar

Damn that fits me so well.
 

Death_Emperor_X

[10] Knight
Astaroth: Because berserkings my game, he's big like me, my favorite weapon is a huge axe, I love dealing the highest power then anybody, I love being slow, I love charging/berserking my foes down non-stop, I rely on pure brute strength only & close quarters combat, & my favorite moves are heavy powerful attacks.
 

FenrisZero

[13] Hero
Astaroth: Because berserkings my game, he's big like me, my favorite weapon is a huge axe, I love dealing the highest power then anybody, I love being slow, I love charging/berserking my foes down non-stop, I rely on pure brute strength only & close quarters combat, & my favorite moves are heavy powerful attacks.
Tard: If Your Name is DEX Play Him.
 

Alex.J

[14] Master
Astaroth: Because berserkings my game, he's big like me, my favorite weapon is a huge axe, I love dealing the highest power then anybody, I love being slow, I love charging/berserking my foes down non-stop, I rely on pure brute strength only & close quarters combat, & my favorite moves are heavy powerful attacks.
So if you were drafted into the Military and they handed you a rifle you would be like "Nah dude, I rely on my pure brute strength only & close quarters combat". Also DEX, you sound like a manly person. Would love to meet you in person.
 

Death_Emperor_X

[10] Knight
So if you were drafted into the Military and they handed you a rifle you would be like "Nah dude, I rely on my pure brute strength only & close quarters combat". Also DEX, you sound like a manly person. Would love to meet you in person.
I didn't think real life was involved. If I was sent to the military give my giant fat ass a minigun & rocket launcher. I'll go around sayin "S-T-A-R-S" Lmao XD. Guns are kinda gay anyway, I wish it was still medieval where ppl used melee weapons still. It doesn't matter anyway, I'm a lover not a fighter. So I wouldn't have the guts to end someones life. I would need a better reason. So because I'm a lover & not a fighter, I'd GREATLY loved to disobey orders in the marines cause I don't kill.

I'd disobey orders 24/7
 

Wandrian

I don't know.
Nightmare: For those that wish to compensate for something. Use his 2P weapon with his 1P costume and the entire right side of his body is a penis, which can be detached at half-mast. You're welcome.

Ivy: For those that despise straight people.

Mitsurugi: For upstanding citizens and philanthropists.

Alpha Patroklos: For lazy people with macros on every button.
 

FenrisZero

[13] Hero
I didn't think real life was involved. If I was sent to the military give my giant fat ass a minigun & rocket launcher. I'll go around sayin "S-T-A-R-S" Lmao XD. Guns are kinda gay anyway, I wish it was still medieval where ppl used melee weapons still. It doesn't matter anyway, I'm a lover not a fighter. So I wouldn't have the guts to end someones life. I would need a better reason. So because I'm a lover & not a fighter, I'd GREATLY loved to disobey orders in the marines cause I don't kill.

I'd disobey orders 24/7
Killable Offense. #DEXForEnlistment. Also #MultipleAccidentalFatalDischargeOfFirearm.
 

Delloso

[10] Knight
Raphael: play if you are a sick utopist who thinks malfesting the world will make it better, or if you're a narcisistic wealthy man obsessed with under aged teenage girls

Astaroth: use it if you're a Zidane fan and likes spamming head attacks, or if you like using a wall to rape your adversaries.

Viola: use if you have amnesia and... hmmmm... I forgot the rest.
 

d_b

[12] Conqueror
Alpha: For dilettantes who don't want to look scrubby*/ for people who were pro Setsuka.

*not errybody is this...
 

IdleMind

BANNED FOREVER
Framed through the lens of gameplay:

A.Pat: For people who think "how" you press the buttons is more important than "why".
Aeon: Aeon's lizard brain does not care about step killing, because he does it ALL THE TIME.
Algol: Do you enjoy low risk, high reward naked men? Algol is for you.
Astaroth: If you have an unhealthy obsession with unscaleable plateaus, you will love the big guy.
Cervantes: Never has there been a better character for people trying to get past the backdash nerf and having to risk moving than Cervantes. I guess in that way he's more like a crutch for the elderly.