Nyte
Fu-ma's Shadow
Why do girls talk too much? Because they have four lips.
Why do guys think too much? Because they have two heads.
Why do guys think too much? Because they have two heads.
Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
A new Michael Jackson album has been released despite his death five years ago.
Just because he was both black and white doesn't mean it's okay for his record company to milk him like a fucking cow.
---
The king of Spain has abdicated.
Another Juan bites the dust.
---
The difference between pray and prey can be several years of therapy for an altar boy.
Just because he was both black and white doesn't mean it's okay for his record company to milk him like a fucking cow.
---
The king of Spain has abdicated.
Another Juan bites the dust.
---
The difference between pray and prey can be several years of therapy for an altar boy.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Say what you like about Muslims, but those long beards really tickle your balls when they're sucking your cock.
And that's just the women!
---
Why do midgets make shit parents?
Because they struggle to put food on the table.
And that's just the women!
---
Why do midgets make shit parents?
Because they struggle to put food on the table.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
My wife walked into my room last night and said-
"Take off my skirt."
So I took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes."
So I took off her shoes."
"Now take off my bra and panties."
So I took them off too.
Then she looked me straight in the eye and said-
"I don't ever wanna see you wearing my stuff again!"
---
Science will fly you to the moon.
Religion will fly you into buildings.
"Take off my skirt."
So I took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes."
So I took off her shoes."
"Now take off my bra and panties."
So I took them off too.
Then she looked me straight in the eye and said-
"I don't ever wanna see you wearing my stuff again!"
---
Science will fly you to the moon.
Religion will fly you into buildings.
Last edited:
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Let's test the way you think :-
thepenisinhermouth.
Did you read 'the pen is in her mouth'?
Nah, me neither.
thepenisinhermouth.
Did you read 'the pen is in her mouth'?
Nah, me neither.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I felt so down today that I think I actually gained an extra chromosome.
---
What's the difference between a brothel and a special school?
Nothing, if you're Jimmy Savile.
---
A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your eyesight's good."
---
What's the difference between a brothel and a special school?
Nothing, if you're Jimmy Savile.
---
A middle-aged woman looks in the mirror.
"God, I look old, fat and ugly," she says to her hubby. "Pay me a compliment, dear."
Her hubby says, "Your eyesight's good."
Nyte
Fu-ma's Shadow
Rich kid "problems":
The BMW I got for my birthday was the wrong color! I wanted black not blue!
My friend got a private jet and daddy refuses to get me one!
For the party, I can't decide if I want to use the indoor swimming pool, outdoor swimming pool, or if I want to fly to Miami for the weekend. UGH! Decisions, decisions.
People are so judgmental of me! Just because I get everything I want and never had to work a day in my life, people act like I get everything I want and never had to work a day in my life!
The BMW I got for my birthday was the wrong color! I wanted black not blue!
My friend got a private jet and daddy refuses to get me one!
For the party, I can't decide if I want to use the indoor swimming pool, outdoor swimming pool, or if I want to fly to Miami for the weekend. UGH! Decisions, decisions.
People are so judgmental of me! Just because I get everything I want and never had to work a day in my life, people act like I get everything I want and never had to work a day in my life!
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
My wife text me saying "I've found out you've been fucking another woman you cheating bastard! I've taken my things and I'm going back to my mum's house"
"Ok, see you when you get here" I text back.
---
If global warming means Rihanna is going to dress like that, the polar bears can go fuck themselves.
---
Me and six friends were sitting in a room; we got onto the subject of rape.
The only girl in the room said, "I've often wondered if I'm strong enough to stop someone trying to rape me."
Turns out she's not.
"Ok, see you when you get here" I text back.
---
If global warming means Rihanna is going to dress like that, the polar bears can go fuck themselves.
---
Me and six friends were sitting in a room; we got onto the subject of rape.
The only girl in the room said, "I've often wondered if I'm strong enough to stop someone trying to rape me."
Turns out she's not.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Reports saying that Muslim extremism is occurring in schools in Birmingham are wrong.
It's actually Birming.
Muslims can't have ham.
---
Schools now have Domestic Violence Prevention classes to teach girls how to stop themselves becoming victims of abuse by their partners.
We had something similar back in my day except it was called Home Economics.
It's actually Birming.
Muslims can't have ham.
---
Schools now have Domestic Violence Prevention classes to teach girls how to stop themselves becoming victims of abuse by their partners.
We had something similar back in my day except it was called Home Economics.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
What's the difference between democracy and terrorism?
Whether the US is attacking or being attacked.
---
Nicolas Cage said in an interview that he avoids watching his own movies.
He's not the only one.
---
So a computer manages to fool people and it's all over the news.
The Catholic church has fooled humanity for two thousand years and anyone hardly gives a shit.
---
You know it's a great orgasm when your toes are tossing out gang signs.
Whether the US is attacking or being attacked.
---
Nicolas Cage said in an interview that he avoids watching his own movies.
He's not the only one.
---
So a computer manages to fool people and it's all over the news.
The Catholic church has fooled humanity for two thousand years and anyone hardly gives a shit.
---
You know it's a great orgasm when your toes are tossing out gang signs.
- Moderator
- #951
Marginal
Chikara Sashimi
When my pet clown died, I followed his wishes and ground him into confetti and blasted it at children.
The Small Cheez
[09] Warrior
Why are Jewish men circumsised?
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 20% off
Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 20% off
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
FIFA President Sepp Blatter today left his Brazil hotel with a riot squad surrounding him.
Reports say it was to protect the public from his bullshit.
---
What did the confused Magnesium Oxide say?
OMg
---
It's not surprise sex - it's a struggle snuggle.
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Justin Bieber's career in ruins.
Proving once and for all that racism can be a good thing.
Reports say it was to protect the public from his bullshit.
---
What did the confused Magnesium Oxide say?
OMg
---
It's not surprise sex - it's a struggle snuggle.
---
Justin Bieber's career in ruins.
Proving once and for all that racism can be a good thing.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
My wife was reading the paper and said, "Tut tut, that's terrible. Another woman in India has been gang-raped and hung."
I replied, "Actually it's 'hanged'. In India, women are hanged. In Thailand, women are hung."
---
Johnny goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest ask, "Is that you, little Johnny Babineaux?
"Yes, Father it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
Johnny says, "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Comeaux?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Thibodeaux?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Olivier?"
"I'm sorry but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Prejean?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Prudhomme, then?"
"Please, Father," Johnny pleaded, "I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Babineaux and I admire that. But you've sinned and
have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Jack slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
Johnny replies, "Four months vacation and five good leads..."
I replied, "Actually it's 'hanged'. In India, women are hanged. In Thailand, women are hung."
---
Johnny goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest ask, "Is that you, little Johnny Babineaux?
"Yes, Father it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?"
Johnny says, "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Comeaux?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Thibodeaux?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Olivier?"
"I'm sorry but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Prejean?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa Prudhomme, then?"
"Please, Father," Johnny pleaded, "I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Babineaux and I admire that. But you've sinned and
have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Jack slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
Johnny replies, "Four months vacation and five good leads..."
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Went hiking with my mate the other day, half way to the summit I fell, slipping a disc in my spine. He looked at me and grinned saying "I guess you could call this 'Brokeback' mountain."
"Very funny, but I haven't broken my back."
"I know, but I'm about to fuck you."
---
A couple drove down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied. "In-laws."
---
Who else spends ages looking for the perfect scene to cum to on a porno, only to think 'Why did I fucking bother?' five seconds later?
"Very funny, but I haven't broken my back."
"I know, but I'm about to fuck you."
---
A couple drove down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied. "In-laws."
---
Who else spends ages looking for the perfect scene to cum to on a porno, only to think 'Why did I fucking bother?' five seconds later?
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Bizarrely, One Direction have presented one of their bride-to-be fans with a signed guitar.
That's a bit like getting a signed pair of socks from Oscar Pistorius.
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I just tried to upload the highlights of Spain vs Holland to Youporn, but unfortunately they don't accept rape.
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A German walks into a library and asks for a book on war.
The librarian replies, "No mate, you'll lose it."
That's a bit like getting a signed pair of socks from Oscar Pistorius.
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I just tried to upload the highlights of Spain vs Holland to Youporn, but unfortunately they don't accept rape.
---
A German walks into a library and asks for a book on war.
The librarian replies, "No mate, you'll lose it."
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Spain 1, Holland 5.
Proof that bulls get reincarnated as Dutch football players.
Proof that bulls get reincarnated as Dutch football players.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
Brazil really is the most dangerous country in the world.
In only two days Mexico and Croatia have been robbed and Spain was raped.
In only two days Mexico and Croatia have been robbed and Spain was raped.
ZER0
[13] Hero
red indian walks into a bar and says "HOW!!!"
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Guns don't kill people
George R.R. Martin kills people.
---
Where's the quietest place on Earth?
Iraqi Army Recruiting Office.
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My brother just updated his status to "I love my girlfriend <3".
I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.
---
What does the average Pakistani weigh?
Sweets.
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Women, here is a reason that you will never be equal to men.
I asked my girlfriend to record something for me on ITV2 +1.
She recorded ITV3.
---
I see that in the US they're complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way...
But, honestly, what are the chances of a cow enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?
George R.R. Martin kills people.
---
Where's the quietest place on Earth?
Iraqi Army Recruiting Office.
---
My brother just updated his status to "I love my girlfriend <3".
I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.
---
What does the average Pakistani weigh?
Sweets.
---
Women, here is a reason that you will never be equal to men.
I asked my girlfriend to record something for me on ITV2 +1.
She recorded ITV3.
---
I see that in the US they're complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way...
But, honestly, what are the chances of a cow enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?