The copypasta thread

Bluegod

[11] Champion
Post the most interesting/bizarre/funny copypastas you have seen. I'll start off with a few good ones.

Please forgive English, I am Russia. I come to study Mechanical Engineering at American University. I am here little time and I am very hard stress. I am gay also and this is very difficult for me, I am a very religion person. I never act to be gay with other men before, but after I am in America 6 weeks I am my friend together he is gay also. He was show me American video game and then we are kiss. I never before now am tell my mother about gay because I am very shame. I am feel so guilty, I feel extreme guilt as I am feel the pleasure. I pick up the telephone and call Mother in Russia. I awaken her. I am very upset and guilty and crying, so I yell her (in Russia)… I hang up the telephone and am very embarrass. My friend also he is very embarrass. I am guilt and feel very stupid. I wonder, why do I gay with man? But I continue because of pleasure. Please help me I very need advice

Today being Halloween, I decided to fuck with the major retard at school when I came out of science for break. He was dressed as Ash. Knowing this was going to happen, I brought a Mudkips doll. Thus I started the conversation, making sure no one saw me.

"So I heard you like Mudkips..." "MUDKIPS? I LUUUUUUUUUUUUVE MUDKIPS." "O RLY? So, would you ever fuck a Mudkips, that is.." (he cuts me off before I could say 'if you were a mudkips') "OF COURSE." "Well I just happen to have a Mudkips here, and..."

Before I finished the sentance, which would have resulted in me hitting him across the face with the doll, he grabbed it. In one swift motion his pants were down and he was violently humping it. Not to get between a man and his Mudkips I started to walk away, because there is no way I'd be caught wrestling a half-naked crazy guy humping a Mudkips.

Needless to say, within 5 to 10 seconds, some girls saw him and started screaming. I cooly walked into a restroom, pretending nothing had ever happened; not that I had intended that outcome, but now that it was in play I didn't want to be involved.

I came back out two minutes later, and like any wanton act on school grounds there was now a huge crowd around him. He was still fucking it and baying this real fucked up 'EEEEEEEEEEINNNNF EEEEEEEEEEINNNF' sound. Suddenly a scuffle broke out in the middle, meaning he probably did something stupid.

I asked someone what had happened. A girlfriend of one of the football players tried to get him to stop, but he bit her for trying to take it away. Someone called in a few football players (all dressed up like Road Warrior) who proceeded to pummel the shit out of the guy. Meanwhile the school police were freaking out and having trouble getting in to the situation.

A few minutes later the intruder alarm went off and we were all shuffled into classrooms. Over the intercom the principal announced that someone had thrown a flaming plush toy into the library. Uh.. what the hell.

So we were kept there and about 30 minutes later the principal came on again. This time he was saying that whoever was behind the beating should turn themselves in. All of a sudden this woman began yelling, "I WILL SUE YOU FOR DAMAGES. YOU LITTLE PUNKS, I'M GONNA SUE..." and it was cut off.

I asked an office later what had happened. Apparently his mother had come to pick him up and threatened to sue for the beating and 'whatever else happened.' The school threatened to counter-sue because of lewd conduct, inciting a riot, and starting a fight.

So I ask you: do you like Mudkips?

You fucking motherfucker. Do you know what you have just said? DO YOU?!?

I do. I know what you have just said, and I don't like it. I don't like it one fucking bit, asshole. You think you can fucking say that and get away with it? Yeah, I bet you do. Well, guess what, jackass. I have your IP address. Yeah, that's right. I'm tracing your location as I type this. When I find where you live, you fat faggot, I'm going to come to your house, rip your mailbox out of the ground, and shove it up your big fat ass. But that's not all I'll do, oh no. That's just the start. That's just the tip of the fucking iceberg of things that I will shove up your ass. Expect things like my foot, your head, a dragon dildo, high explosives, crossbow bolts, and more to have penetrated your anus by the time I'm done with you.

All you had to do was keep your stupid ass post to yourself, and not post it, but noooooooo, you just couldn't let it go. You had to hit the "submit" button and, well, buddy, your moronic actions will catch up with you.

Oh look, I just found your address. See ya, punk.

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch. I’ll have you know my name is John, and I woke up this morning 5:30 sharp to the smell of wet pussy. I was getting a blowjob from two bitches (Shit was SO Cash), one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 3\8 inch dick. She started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. I gave it to them and they were on the floor squirting like motherfucking fountains. Must have come about a quart of sperm and compressed air. Imagine your best orgasm, then multiply it by 35. I had to go to base camp so I front-flipped from my 14th floor barracks into my valet parked 2012 Ferrari (I got connexions). Pushed my shit to about 4 hundo (mph, mind you) and I was at base camp in no time. When I entered, I became a top sniper and was granted access to the entire arsenal of the USMC. I learned how to kill someone in over 700 different ways and was assigned to be the leader of a squad that will kill 300 terrorists using gorilla warfare tactics. Also did 6000 push-ups, 8000 sit-ups and bench-pressed 30 plates in 16 minutes. After basic training, I met a network of secret spies who will help me trace your IP address, while eating gold plated sushi and 15,000 $ champagne. My unit got the rest of the day off and I became captain of our base’s football team and starter of the basketball team. I got straight A’s on the military entrance exams and received more awards. Meanwhile, you were jacking off to pictures on Facebook and naked drawn Japanese people. Went back in the Lambo to my barracks and now I am getting ready to go to sleep. I am going to graduate at the top of my class in the Navy Seals tomorrow and I want to look pretty much perfect for it. Don’t be a stranger and remember, I did more in one day than you will your entire life.
 
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And so it begins...

Blueboy shut the fuck up and die choking on a million fucking dicks you fucking cunt. I'm the nicest goddamn person you'll ever meet in your pitiful fucking existence, so you learn to fucking respect how nice I am or I'll smack your shit senseless. Bitch.

Jesus fucking christ you god damn fucking faggot holy fucking shit we've given you the series name and now you're bitching about not being able to find it holy fucking fuck go drown yourself in a bucket of your own fat-roll sweat that you produce by jacking off to the picture of Rin masturbating in front of a computer because clearly that's the only reason you want to find the fucking manga you massive cocksucking knobgoblin, jesus fuckwobbling christ you are such a massive faggot words cannot express how much of a massive fucking faggot you are. If I had $1 for every time someone thought you were a really huge fucking faggot, I'd probably have about $14, but that's only because in real life people probably don't know how sad of a faggot you are looking (unsuc-fucking-cessfully might I add) for a manga with a preteen girl masturbating. Holy fucking doorknobs on ice you've probably sweat so much just straining your fat palms typing your google searches for this that your pants have a massive sweat line running off your chair and onto the floor, I hope that when you stand up you slip in it and break your neck. Faggot.

What in tarnation did you just say about me hombre? I’ll have you reckon I learn’t me real good in the old west, and I’ve been on more prairies hogtyin me heathens than you know bout buddy. I done wrastled me up 300 scoundrels, and I know how to use this here 6 shooter everwhich way! Im sheriff in these here parts, Consarnit! You ain’t nothin to me but another dagnum yellabelly. I’ll clean your clock rightfast, and you won’t reckon what hit ya, now you listen good, you think you can come round here and tell me whatfer? Well you better think again damn it, right as we speak my possie is closing in, tracking your there computer all across this here frontier. And you better git while the gittins good. Yesir, you better amscre compdre, fore were forced ta get mean, or you’ll be six feet under by sunup. Yesir now we can duel like gentlemen or I can use ol’betsy here to shoot the smile right off yer face 6 ,9 to 1 ways from sunday. Not only do I have with me here these pistols but being law and order round here i got me a whole heep o’ guns and I’ll use em if need be. I think if you only knew what snakes you were winding up, youda came wearing gloves partner. But ya could’t, ya didn’t and now mister, you’re gonna pay the price dag-gumit, It’s gona be raining bullets like cats and dogs all over here in a minute. You’re a goner partner.



I don’t give a fuck who you are or where you live. You can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end. I’ll put you in so much fucking pain that it’ll make Jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a fucking back massage on a tropical island. I don’t give a fuck how many reps you have or how tough you are IRL, how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. I’ll fucking show up at your house when you aren’t home. I’ll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You’re going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you’ll have a fucking heart attack. You’ll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you’ll see when you’re being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor. When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You’ll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I’ll run you over with my fucking car out of no where and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I’d rather go to a great fuckng length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing fucking hell. It’s too late to save yourself, but don’t bother committing suicide either… I’ll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitch-faced phaggot. Welcome to hell, population: you



Gomenasai, my name is Ken-Sama

I'm a 27 year old American Otaku (Anime fan for you gaijins). I draw Anime and Manga on my tablet, and spend my days perfecting my art and playing superior Japanese games. (Disgaea, Final Fantasy, Persona series)

I train with my Katana every day, this superior weapon can cut clean through steel because it is folded over a thousand times, and is vastly superior to any other weapon on earth. I earned my sword license two years ago, and I have been getting better every day.

I speak Japanese fluently, both Kanji and the Osaka dialect, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Japanese history and their bushido code, which I follow 100%

When I get my Japanese visa, I am moving to Tokyo to attend a prestigious High School to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become an animator for Studio Ghibli or a game designer!

I own several kimonos, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Japan, so I can fit in easier. I bow to my elders and seniors and speak Japanese as often as I can, but rarely does anyone manage to respond.

Fuck spoilers. Copypastas are meant to be read
 
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There is no such thing as rape...
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That's a pretty mean thing to say, Slade.
 
(Not a copy pasta but I thought it was pretty gud)

COON, COON ...
Black Baboon ...
Brutal, worthless
thieving GOON...
Often High, Thrives in Jail
His welfare check
is in the mail ...
Some 40 offspring have been had,
Not one will ever
call him dad ...
And yet he hollers day and night:
"i blames de white man
fo my plight,
it's him spreads trash
all round my shack...
it's him what makes me
smoke dis crack,
he push my kind
to burn and loot,
an sends de po-lice
dat we shoot ...
but inch by inch we takin' hold
like when the white bread starts to mold...
i'll overrun
yo home and soon...
DEY BE ONLY FIT FO DE BLACKASSED COON"


BWAAAAAH!! H'what in the hell did you just say about me, you got danged giblet head? I'll have you know i graduated top of my class at Arlen high in propane and propane and propane accessories, and I have been involved in numerous Vogner Char King sales extravaganzas, and I have over 300 confirmed sales. I am trained in BTU calibration and I'm the top assistant manager in all of Heimlich County. You are nothing to me but just another valued customer. I will fill up your propane tank with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my got danged words. You think you can get away with saying that asinine garbage about propane on the internet? Think again, you little weasel. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of propane truck drivers across the USA and your address is being traced right now so you better prepare for the convoy, you big baby. The convoy that refills the pathetic little thing you call your propane tanks. You're all filled, you damn moron. I can be anywhere, anytime, and i can service your propane need in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am i extensively trained in propane tank calibration, but i have access to the entire arsenal of the Texas propane gas association and i will use it to its full extent to wipe your charcoal loving ass off the face of the continent, you little bastard. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your damn tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you got danged idiot. I will kick your ass so hard you won't be able to sit for a month. You're dead, I tell ya h'what.


One day while Andy was masturbating, Woody got wood. He could no longer help himself! He watched as Andy stroked his juicy kawaii cock. He approached Andy which startled him and make him pee everywhere on the floor and on Woody too. Being drenched in his urine made him harder than ever! Woody: "Andy Senpai! I'm alive and I want to be INSIDE OF YOU." Andy: "Oh Woody Chan! I always knew you were alive! I want to stuff you up my kawaii ass!" Woody grabbed a bunch of flavored live and rubbed it all over is head Woody: "Oh my! It's cherry flavored lube! Cherry is my favorite! Woody then stuffed his head up into Andy's tight ass! The other toys around the room watched intently as Woody shoved his head back and forth into Andy's nice ass, continuously making a squishy wet noise. The other toys also became aroused and they all gathered around Woody and Andy and started to urinate all over them, and then they started to masturbate. Andy: "Oh my goodness, Woody Chan! You are churning my insides up so well! Your nose is stimulating my prostate! OH YES! All the other toys became so aroused by this, that they could not help themselves anymore! They pushed Woody completely inside, and they all went inside. All of them wanted to be inside Andy's nice round ass. Andy: "No wait guys! My ass cannot hold this much! I'm getting so full! All the toys went inside of poor squirming Andy and pretty much, he was beyond full, and died from having his insides completely damaged. The mother came inside and found Andy, dead with a huge ass hemorrhage on his anus, with a HUGE belly full of toys.


I feel so honored to be the first comment. All of my hard work and dedication has paid off. Getting the top comment has been a dream of mine for many years, and i would like to thank those who have helped me along the way. First and foremost i would like to thank god for giving me this opportunity. Next i would like to thank my parents. I want to thank my friend Josh Arcaro, for being really skinny and always there for me. I would also like to thank my pet tadpole for surviving against all odds for over a week. Next i would like to thank the squirrel that lives in my backyard for climbing trees because that gives me inspiration that i need to get through the day. This is a special moment in my life and i would like to thank any of my unmentioned friends and family that have helped me along the way. This moment will be a moment that i will never forget. I just remembered a few other people i would like to thank; facebook, the fish i caught in the third grade, my light in my room bc i wouldn’t be able to see the keyboard without it, the internet for letting me go on facebook, my house because without it i would be homeless, and last but not least i would like to thank all the people out there that actually took time out of their day to read this. I cannot stress how much of a big deal to me this is. I have been trying to be the first comment on a post for years, but that has not been possible until this amazing day. Hopefully my good luck will continue, but this is undoubtedly a rare occasion. If you asked me how i did this, i would say, you can achieve anything u set your mind on. To all the kids out there reading this, i would like to tell them to follow their dreams. Being the top comment is amazing, thank you everyone
 
Did you add the marines one yet? tl;dr.

Edit: Nvm looked in Blue's spoilers lol
 
Got this in my YouTube inbox one day:

joeottoson .Korean, I'm Chinese. If you don't know English, please send this email to the one who can read it.
Korean:
Please send this massage to all your self-righteous friends so that they can regret their faults. This email is only for those never-regret Korean people and gives them a lesson, not for those who genuinely respect China and work hard for the rise of Korea rather than boringly defending their faults. I dont use dirty words like fuck and shit and hope that you wont use them equally when you reply. I welcome all you tough defiance.
Well, first I have seen your English and it sounds terrible. Ive just tried to reveal the true history and the problems you nationalists afraid of mentioning. Well since you revenged shamelessly, I have to refute and you male or female must listen:
1. The area of China is 9600000 square kilometers and the little Korea (99600 square kilometers) is even smaller than our Zhejiang Province (101800 square kilometers). Im examining your geology knowledge. Ha-ha! You guys just daily dream about that China is your mainland. All right, we accepted you poor guys. Also, we Chinese have the nuclear power while you are still protected by the American.
2. You may argue that little country can even make great accomplishments like Japan and England. Yeah I totally agree with you and respect Japanese and English for their creativities. However, for you Korean, even the economy of Hong Kong is better than that of Korea, not to mention Beijing, Shanghai, Tianjing, and Dalian. By the way, recently Korean economy is declining as a result of global economy crisis and I believe you may have deep feelings about that. You may have learned from the news that your president had just asked Chinese and Japanese for help to prevent the devaluation of WON. Hey you, if you really think that Korean people and economy is great, please stop your president and let go the economy. But Im afraid that you wont, and so does your president. You are all cowards.
3. Lets talk about the essence of the country. For people around the world, they relates Korea to the pickles, cosmetic surgery and and..and.........what? Hey I cant think much of it! How poor are you that you Korean impress the world with the only pickles and cosmetic surgery. Well, when foreigners talk about China they mention the Great Wall, Chinese food, Chinese tea, the Four Great Inventions, scenery, economy, Lenovo, thousands of years of history, Chinese calligraphy, Chinese Painting, Chinese poems, panda, the Chinese dragon, and the Beijing Olympic Games. Well, too many to tell and Im even tired of listing all of them. Want more? Well, Chinese athletes won 51 golden medals and total 100 medals in the Beijing Olympic Games while Korean got only 13 golden medals and total 31 ones. Cool?
4. And we can talk about the infamous copying of Korea.
The Dragon. Everyone in the world knows that there are mainly two types of dragon. One is the western dragon with huge wings. And the other one is Chinese dragon that likes like the snake with four paws. You Korean director made the miserable movie The Dragon War and copy our Chinese Dragon. Shame on you.
Three Kingdoms. You Korean guys, young and old, must have read much of the classic Chinese literature The History of the Three Kingdoms. Gradually, you guys advocate to the world that you wrote the book and even made the awful computer game of it. Do you agree? Thieves! Hey, have you saw the movie The Red Cliff recently? Thats a Chinese movie and we will tell you that all you painstakingly copying are worthless! Jealous? Well, please dont see the movie although other Korean rushed to see it.

You argue that panda is Korean.
You argue that Dr.Sun Yat-sens ancestor was Korean.
You argue that Yao Mings ancestor was Korean.
You argue that The Dragon Boat Festival is Korean.
You argue that
You are just in dream that all of the things are Korean, right? You will never make it, buddy.

Finally, I have to say that some of Korean people are the ugliest ones on earth! Consequently, those Korean pussies and bitches have to transform their faces and boot their breasts. Then all of their bodies and faces are fake! But it seems that you Korean fairly like them.OMG!

Go and tell your girlfriend, mother, or aunt if you like. And I assist you to do so. Maybe they had taken the surgery. Maybe the pretty bitch you make love with was an ugly village girl. Ha-ha!

And there are still lots of thing to tell IF YOU REALLY WANT THEM.​

I replied that I wasn't Korean...

He followed up with:

Hey, Uncle Tom!
Uncle Tom, who do you think you are? Your American humor is as terrible as your language. How haughty are you that you are living in a country with less than 250 years' of history.

If you are not a Korean, please fuck off and stop spamming me!
I'll not waste my time on you. If you dare help Korean to smear our reputation, you will pay for it. As the fxxking descendant of your English ancestor, please manage your terrible terrible American language and act as a civilized hypocrite.​
 
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