MarKOed
Alchemist of the Ages
So two guys walk into a bar.......and then.....um I forgot the rest of the joke but your mother is a whore
Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
So the man who killed 12 people at a screening of the Dark Knight in Colorado claims he is 'The Joker'.
Ironically, when he ends up in prison, he'll be walking like a penguin.
Ironically, when he ends up in prison, he'll be walking like a penguin.
MarKOed
Alchemist of the Ages
I'd like to say "Too soon" but I have to admit I laughed at that
So you wanna hear a good joke? Women's rights!
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'
MarKOed
Alchemist of the Ages
What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women :D
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Well done, Danny Boyle. Nothing says "London" better than youths setting fire to stuff.
TheGuy
[09] Warrior
What's a mexicans favorite sport? Cross Country
How do you burn calories? Set a fat kid on fire
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family
I heard you wanted to be like batman, so I brutally murdered your parents.
The penis says to the condom: Cover me, I'm goin' in!
Your mom is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, she blows, and she fits well in a closet.
So a jew, a mexican, and a black guy all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Get the fuck out."
A rabbi, a catholic priest, and an evangelical christian all walk into a bar. After some drinks, they all say "Hey, we all give attention to humans, why not the animal kingdom?" So they all decide to go sway a bear to their religion.
They all come back to the bar the next day. The catholic priest said "Well, I read him verses from the bible, had him sing songs to the lord, and I can now say that this is a christian bear."
The evangelical said "I shook him hard and told him of the glories of god and the evils of the devil! Now, he is an evangelical bear."
The rabbi is all cut and bruised, and so he says "Well, guess I shouldn't have started with the circumsision!!"
The plumber one is kind of an anti-joke.
How do you burn calories? Set a fat kid on fire
How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family
I heard you wanted to be like batman, so I brutally murdered your parents.
The penis says to the condom: Cover me, I'm goin' in!
Your mom is like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, she blows, and she fits well in a closet.
So a jew, a mexican, and a black guy all walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Get the fuck out."
A rabbi, a catholic priest, and an evangelical christian all walk into a bar. After some drinks, they all say "Hey, we all give attention to humans, why not the animal kingdom?" So they all decide to go sway a bear to their religion.
They all come back to the bar the next day. The catholic priest said "Well, I read him verses from the bible, had him sing songs to the lord, and I can now say that this is a christian bear."
The evangelical said "I shook him hard and told him of the glories of god and the evils of the devil! Now, he is an evangelical bear."
The rabbi is all cut and bruised, and so he says "Well, guess I shouldn't have started with the circumsision!!"
The plumber one is kind of an anti-joke.
Hot Rod Dave
"Saucy saucy minx"
Back in my younger, dumber days. Was dating this girl named Wendy that had a weird infatuation with my penis. So I decided to surprise her and get her name tattoo'd on my pic (pics upon request). Cool part is, when it gets erect, it says "Welcome to Jamaica Have a Nice Day"
Not thats a "too long" penis joke......recognize fool!!
Not thats a "too long" penis joke......recognize fool!!
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
English people often moan about Americans taking some of our best TV shows, like Spaced, Top Gear and The Inbetweeners, and turning them into absolute crap.
But I actually prefer Mitt Romney's version of An Idiot Abroad.
But I actually prefer Mitt Romney's version of An Idiot Abroad.
Norik
[14] Master
How to you fit two Charizards and three Pikachus into a bus?
You pokem' on.
You pokem' on.
SpaghettiViking
Blink Master
This one's racist, so be warned...
What's the worst part about being a black jew?
What's the worst part about being a black jew?
You get put in the back of the oven.
Steven_a
The Alpha
Want a list of racial slurs? HERE YOU GO!
http://www.johncglass.com/racialslurs.htm
my favorite is antique farm equipment for blacks
http://www.johncglass.com/racialslurs.htm
my favorite is antique farm equipment for blacks
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I find it ironic Team GB's first gold medal is for women reversing...
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
"Don't kid yourself."
Will be a great slogan for my new abortion clinic.
Will be a great slogan for my new abortion clinic.
Soul
Valide Kösem Sultan
Dunno if i can post this here,but anyway..
Max_300
[10] Knight
Why did the plane crash into the field?
Dunno if this was posted. It's my favourite.
Oh yeah! Elephant series of jokes! You have to read them in order. They're better told, and are a guaranteed "wat"
How many elephants can you fit in a mini cooper?
How many giraffes can you fit in a mini cooper?
How can you tell when there are two elephants in your refrigerator?
How can you tell when there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
How can you tell when there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
The pilot was a loaf of bread.
Oh yeah! Elephant series of jokes! You have to read them in order. They're better told, and are a guaranteed "wat"
How many elephants can you fit in a mini cooper?
4. two in the front, two in the back.
none, its full of elephants.
when you close the door and hear giggling.
the door won't close.
there's an empty mini cooper parked out on the lawn.
Hussler
Hilde SA Mod
Wind is such a whore
It blows me everyday
It blows me everyday
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Childhood is time when you like Jerry and admire his smartness.
Adulthood is when you realise that Jerry is a complete cunt and you feel bad for Tom.
Adulthood is when you realise that Jerry is a complete cunt and you feel bad for Tom.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
"Knock, knock," I said to my blind mate.
"Who's there?" He asked.
"Doctor."
"Doctor who?"
"Correct!" I giggled.
"I see what you did there," he replied.
And that's when I reported him for benefit fraud.
"Who's there?" He asked.
"Doctor."
"Doctor who?"
"Correct!" I giggled.
"I see what you did there," he replied.
And that's when I reported him for benefit fraud.
Slade
[14] Master
I'm a quantum physicist myself. One of the bad things about it is that it makes you a pretty bad lover. When you find the right position, you can't find the momentum, and when you find the momentum, you can't find the right position.