Artilust
[10] Knight
Dudes and dudettes, gather round. Lemme share my story with you.
I was up all day yesterday, or last night rather doing a little homework. Thats besides the point. I have a habit of eating late at night, and if you dont know, eating late at night then going to sleep will make you fat, but eating at night then waking up a few hours later fucks up your digestion process and you will get a VILE upset stomach.
So I get up and get dressed and about halfway on my travel to school I begin to feel a bit sick. Like I had to throw up. I say, "oh hell" I got a presentation today so after I finish Ill hit it back home and lay down." Boy was I wrong. I started gettin sharp ass pains that would subside and then rise back, in some cruel game of biological digestion the "calm" would be so peaceful and soothing, and like clockwork a storm would arise in my belly that felt like a bunny rabbit in a blender of razor blades. This shit was CRUCIAL.
So I give my presentation, slumped over the side of the podium like Richard Nixon. Throw up my peace signs and dart out the building. I start to get down the steps and the most horrifying feeling Ive ever felt hit me. . .I wasnt going to make it all the way home without shitting on myself. Oh god. Dear god. Children and old people shit on themselves. Im not wearing a diaper. Im wearing several hundred dollar jeans. These are pretty rainbow-colored gap boxers. So I punch it back into the building and into a closed off bathroom. I de-robe. I cant take a shit with clothes on, hopefully nobody walks in! I have on gold shoes! Who the fuck wears gold sneakers? Ill be the guy in the gold sneakers who almost shit himself. UGH.
So [AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH] and then come back outt he bathroom. Boy that feels good.
So im on my way home, and I get that feeling all over again. WHAT?!!!!! Youre not done, lower intestine? NO. NOT HERE. NOT NOW. NOOOOOO NOT AGAIN! I thought it was over. Now im starting to panic. I start to sweat quit a bit. And I hop out into the parking lot. I begin to walk slow. My fucking knees begin to shake, this will SURELY be funny once I tell it in a few hours. Im duckwalking up to the second floor, Im screaming on the inside. I can barely turn the key into the door...matter fact..I dont even lock the bitch once I get in. I shoulder tackle my bedroom door, then I take off my clothes...slowly..it was like in slow motion. I was exercising my Ghandi-like Zen technique and then I E-Honda d (charge) u + PPP on the toilet stool. Wow.
I almost shitted on myself today. I didnt even eat anything crazy yesterday. Let this be a word of advice for you guys, eating, then sleeping, then waking up shortly after will REALLY son your ass.
Im not proof reading this...I had a long day.
I was up all day yesterday, or last night rather doing a little homework. Thats besides the point. I have a habit of eating late at night, and if you dont know, eating late at night then going to sleep will make you fat, but eating at night then waking up a few hours later fucks up your digestion process and you will get a VILE upset stomach.
So I get up and get dressed and about halfway on my travel to school I begin to feel a bit sick. Like I had to throw up. I say, "oh hell" I got a presentation today so after I finish Ill hit it back home and lay down." Boy was I wrong. I started gettin sharp ass pains that would subside and then rise back, in some cruel game of biological digestion the "calm" would be so peaceful and soothing, and like clockwork a storm would arise in my belly that felt like a bunny rabbit in a blender of razor blades. This shit was CRUCIAL.
So I give my presentation, slumped over the side of the podium like Richard Nixon. Throw up my peace signs and dart out the building. I start to get down the steps and the most horrifying feeling Ive ever felt hit me. . .I wasnt going to make it all the way home without shitting on myself. Oh god. Dear god. Children and old people shit on themselves. Im not wearing a diaper. Im wearing several hundred dollar jeans. These are pretty rainbow-colored gap boxers. So I punch it back into the building and into a closed off bathroom. I de-robe. I cant take a shit with clothes on, hopefully nobody walks in! I have on gold shoes! Who the fuck wears gold sneakers? Ill be the guy in the gold sneakers who almost shit himself. UGH.
So [AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH] and then come back outt he bathroom. Boy that feels good.
So im on my way home, and I get that feeling all over again. WHAT?!!!!! Youre not done, lower intestine? NO. NOT HERE. NOT NOW. NOOOOOO NOT AGAIN! I thought it was over. Now im starting to panic. I start to sweat quit a bit. And I hop out into the parking lot. I begin to walk slow. My fucking knees begin to shake, this will SURELY be funny once I tell it in a few hours. Im duckwalking up to the second floor, Im screaming on the inside. I can barely turn the key into the door...matter fact..I dont even lock the bitch once I get in. I shoulder tackle my bedroom door, then I take off my clothes...slowly..it was like in slow motion. I was exercising my Ghandi-like Zen technique and then I E-Honda d (charge) u + PPP on the toilet stool. Wow.
I almost shitted on myself today. I didnt even eat anything crazy yesterday. Let this be a word of advice for you guys, eating, then sleeping, then waking up shortly after will REALLY son your ass.
Im not proof reading this...I had a long day.
