8WayRun Fanfiction: The Writer's Block

Right, Darkwings, Talisman, all of you, I would deeply appreciated your opinion on the following.
See Emily Play: Edit 04 said:
“They’re going to get you,” Emily sang the rhyme her father taught her, her voice frail and lilting, “Shadow shall we confide, no matter where I hide, all that's false has turned true.”

“They’re going to get you,” Emily sang and waltzed around the room to the bed; stopping to bow a curtsy to the audience of two. “This is a nice dress, but a bit to small for me." She pulled the dress off and let it fall to the floor.

She snatched a teddy bear and handed it to the sister then cycled the bolt on her pistol. Emily turned, pausing, and pulled a wrinkled photograph from her pocket. “You look so much like her," her voice trailed off.

The little girl clutched her bear, “Please.”

Emily took it from her and held it in front of her face.

“Please,” the girl muttered through the stuffed toy.

Emily fired, ending the girl and turned to the brother, “I really didn’t want to do this, you know. Not all of you guys, just her. But they would have killed you anyways,” she said, and put the barrel to his temple. “They’re already here don’t ya’ know!”

“I, uh—”

Bang.

Matthew drew the bow across his violin, chewing on an unlit cigarette. Mulling over his thoughts he played a minor scale, notes lost in the afternoon of a suburb.
The screen door kicked open, and a beaming Emily ran out, weapon in hand, “The work's all done daddy!"
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Right so. I am thinking about cutting everything in bold. This is the readers very first meeting of Emily, and I've posted this before elsewhere. I ask you about this as an exercise as well. Do you think I should cut her actually killing the kids, and just flash forward to her appearance on the porch saying 'Her work is done?' My cousin brought up an interesting point when he read over this. Saying to cut most of the descriptions, and it would make Emily's actions far stronger. The uneasy necessity forcing the reader to imagine her actions rather than reading them, and the imagining would be far more powerful than anything one could write. Would like your thoughts on this! - S. Athas
 
Oh, I was thinking profanity. Well that's awfully sweet of you ha! XD Thanks Kirax!

I am a smart ass though. my mom asked me once "What's a Wii," Without thinking I just replied: "A pronoun, usually used to reference yourself and one or more people"
 
CalibursEdge said:
I was reading your fanficts and then I went on a spree of reading a bunch of other soul calibur based stories. And now it's almost 2 a.m. Damn you people for writing good stuff! I'll be waiting for more later. This totally doesn't sound like drugs or anything...
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That's probably my fault for writing so much lol. Yay, another person has given fanfiction a try.
Dab_Of_Oppo said:
Right, Darkwings, Talisman, all of you, I would deeply appreciated your opinion on the following.

snip
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Implying is a good thing since it gives your readers free rein to imagine it for themselves but be careful not to overuse it because then your readers will become confuse. For your case, I think you should keep it there since we don't know much about Emily in the first place so it would make the readers alittle hesitant on guessing she killed them. When your characters personalities are more developed, the readers would be able to go "Oh, I know what she's going to do..." when you imply things. Hope that helps. :D
 
darkwings13 said:
That's probably my fault for writing so much lol. Yay, another person has given fanfiction a try.
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It's funny because I only discovered fanfiction about a month before I joined 8WR. It was me looking up something about Cassandra and I found a story on FanFiction.net called "A Love Forged by Blades and Souls" and read the whole thing almost nonstop. The story I think has a few more chapters left to be posted. On a side note, the reason why I stopped reading lastnight was when I got to some story involving Talim, Tira, and Pyrrha having some 3 way or something -_-. But whatever! To each his/her own and I'll be willing to read any story you people post! Even if it might be a little strange like that one. I enjoy reading how you create more of a personality for them. I think I talk to much
 
CalibursEdge said:
It's funny because I only discovered fanfiction about a month before I joined 8WR. It was me looking up something about Cassandra and I found a story on FanFiction.net called "A Love Forged by Blades and Souls" and read the whole thing almost nonstop. The story I think has a few more chapters left to be posted. On a side note, the reason why I stopped reading lastnight was when I got to some story involving Talim, Tira, and Pyrrha having some 3 way or something -_-. But whatever! To each his/her own and I'll be willing to read any story you people post! Even if it might be a little strange like that one. I enjoy reading how you create more of a personality for them. I think I talk to much
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Oh, I saw that story about tira, talim and pyrrha be4. It creeped me out XD
Hmm, I'll look up that story about Cassandra and see how it goes. I haven't really read any good stories or novels lately lol.
 
darkwings13 said:
I think you should keep it there since we don't know much about Emily in the first place so it would make the readers alittle hesitant on guessing she killed them. When your characters personalities are more developed, the readers would be able to go "Oh, I know what she's going to do..." when you imply things. Hope that helps. :D
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:P Once again it's my own fault for not putting up the entire thing. I'll put up the chapter both ways, the end of her chapter is a description of her killing someone; that would force one to think about what she did to the kids. Thanks for your help! and pointing those things out!

I need to learn the less I post the worse it will be.

darkwings13 said:
That's probably my fault for writing so much lol. Yay, another person has given fanfiction a try.
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And she does write a lot. Seriously. Like, a lot. She's also very good at it! :)

darkwings13 said:
Oh, I saw that story about tira, talim and pyrrha be4. It creeped me out XD
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I'll just be avoiding that one. Thanks
 
Talisman said:
Heh heh, not to brag or anything, but I'm the king of disturbing.
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When it caught me that off guard, combined with me being sleepy, it was a whole lot worse for me xD I just hated how Talim was evil and all. I wasn't surprized about Tira acting that way. I just felt horrible for Pyrrha also. Speaking of Talim, I swore I liked your petition link a loooooong time ago. But it said I didn't, I know it's really late but I liked it anyway ^^. Also, about creepyness, it's no problem s long as I'm prepared for it. I was reading this book called "True Crime" that talks about many killers and what they did. Jeffery Dahmer and Jack the Ripper are just examples.
 
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