Hot Rod Dave
"Saucy saucy minx"
Thats old. Get some new material hahahaha.
What is the difference between a homosexual and a freezer?
Freezer dont fart when you pull the meat out.
*rimshot*
Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
Thats old. Get some new material hahahaha.
What is the difference between a homosexual and a freezer?
Freezer dont fart when you pull the meat out.
*rimshot*
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Breaking news about Nelson Mandela...
He has a new sponsorship deal from Duracell.
He has a new sponsorship deal from Duracell.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
First Kanye West writes and releases his hit single, 'Gold Digger.' Then he begins to have a relationship with Kim Kardashian. After all is said and done, he ends up having a baby with her. Which can only mean one thing...
Even he doesn't listen to his own fucking music.
Even he doesn't listen to his own fucking music.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
My new blow up doll is so realistic, it told me it just wants to be friends.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
This gin and tonic is 91 calories.
This banana is 105 calories.
My doctor told me to make the healthy choice.
I love my doctor.
This banana is 105 calories.
My doctor told me to make the healthy choice.
I love my doctor.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Andy Murray is the first British Men's singles champion at Wimbledon in 77 years.
To put that length of time into context: 77 years ago, Nelson Mandela wasn't even ill.
---
Murray might be getting a knighthood?
It's Tennis. They weren't fucking jousting.
---
I saw my first Ethiopian DJ last night.
MT Stomach.
---
I'm not saying that my mum used to be a slag, but when I was born she slipped me back in and out a few times.
To put that length of time into context: 77 years ago, Nelson Mandela wasn't even ill.
---
Murray might be getting a knighthood?
It's Tennis. They weren't fucking jousting.
---
I saw my first Ethiopian DJ last night.
MT Stomach.
---
I'm not saying that my mum used to be a slag, but when I was born she slipped me back in and out a few times.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I don't like the term 'morning wood'.
I like to call it my girlfriend's alarm clock.
I like to call it my girlfriend's alarm clock.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
All Jay-Z's problems have been undone by his brother, Ctrl-Z.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Scooters are for men who want to ride motorcycles, but prefer to feel the wind on their vagina.
---
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."
---
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.
They seem like nice people.
---
"Hi, I'm Jane," she said.
"I'm Christopher," I replied, "but everyone calls me Dick for short."
"How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked.
"You ask nicely," I said.
---
A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."
---
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.
They seem like nice people.
---
"Hi, I'm Jane," she said.
"I'm Christopher," I replied, "but everyone calls me Dick for short."
"How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked.
"You ask nicely," I said.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Isn't it ironic, a little less Glee, brings a lot more happiness.
---
After hearing about Glee star Cory Montieth's death of a suspected drugs overdose, it's such a tragedy.
That the rest of the cast wasn't there.
---
After hearing about Glee star Cory Montieth's death of a suspected drugs overdose, it's such a tragedy.
That the rest of the cast wasn't there.
Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed?
Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi?
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week.
He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
---
I've noticed that if I pull my bum cheeks apart and stick my thumb up my anus...
...my girlfriend leaves the restaurant in tears.
---
Double sprint world champion Tyson Gay has tested positive for a substance he could not identify and is pulling out of next month's world championships in Moscow.
To be fair, he's not the first gay to test positive and have to pull out before it's too late.
---
The very best definition of irony?
George Zimmerman is afraid to leave home, as he is worried someone might take the law into their own hands.
---
I don't understand all this controversy over the Zimmerman case. People complaining that if Trayvon Martin was white then Zimmerman would have been found guilty. It's all bullshit.
If Martin was white, Zimmerman wouldn't have had to shoot him in the first place.
He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
---
I've noticed that if I pull my bum cheeks apart and stick my thumb up my anus...
...my girlfriend leaves the restaurant in tears.
---
Double sprint world champion Tyson Gay has tested positive for a substance he could not identify and is pulling out of next month's world championships in Moscow.
To be fair, he's not the first gay to test positive and have to pull out before it's too late.
---
The very best definition of irony?
George Zimmerman is afraid to leave home, as he is worried someone might take the law into their own hands.
---
I don't understand all this controversy over the Zimmerman case. People complaining that if Trayvon Martin was white then Zimmerman would have been found guilty. It's all bullshit.
If Martin was white, Zimmerman wouldn't have had to shoot him in the first place.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I don't think it's fair that Babestation are only allowed to show boobs late at night, but BBC Parliament are allowed to show cunts all day.
---
Prince Harry is off to the South Pole in an event called "Walking with the Wounded".
I'm sure his father will be proud of him, as will Prince Charles.
---
My wife came to me weeping last night, saying that she could never live up to the girls in my porn mags.
I took her in my arms and made sweet love to her.
Then when I was finished, I shoved her under the bed.
---
Prince Harry is off to the South Pole in an event called "Walking with the Wounded".
I'm sure his father will be proud of him, as will Prince Charles.
---
My wife came to me weeping last night, saying that she could never live up to the girls in my porn mags.
I took her in my arms and made sweet love to her.
Then when I was finished, I shoved her under the bed.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Being white has its disadvantages too, you know.
It can be super hard to find a rap song on iTunes when you spell all the words correctly.
---
Scientists claim that the reason dolphins like to swim with humans is because it sexually arouses them.
Which raises an interesting question - what do dolphins find so damn sexy about kids with Down's Syndrome?
---
"I think it's a total disgrace that Muirfield was awarded this years British Open," I said to new girl in work. "In this day and age, not to allow female members makes it our equivalent of the Taliban not allowing young girls into the education system. Total bloody disgrace."
Amazing the bullshit you can spout when you want to shag someone.
It can be super hard to find a rap song on iTunes when you spell all the words correctly.
---
Scientists claim that the reason dolphins like to swim with humans is because it sexually arouses them.
Which raises an interesting question - what do dolphins find so damn sexy about kids with Down's Syndrome?
---
"I think it's a total disgrace that Muirfield was awarded this years British Open," I said to new girl in work. "In this day and age, not to allow female members makes it our equivalent of the Taliban not allowing young girls into the education system. Total bloody disgrace."
Amazing the bullshit you can spout when you want to shag someone.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
The media is full of shock over Britain's recent heatwave.
Or as we used to call it - summer.
---
A guy came up to me and told me I look a lot like Jesus.
Which is ironic because if he'd seen my porn collection he'd think I was Mohammed.
---
She lay naked on my bed, with just a carrot, a leek and a cauliflower covering her nether regions.
She called it a vegazzle.
---
I've been dating a blind girl and we've had our problems.
It was our fifth date before I woke up and realised she'd been sucking off the bedpost.
Or as we used to call it - summer.
---
A guy came up to me and told me I look a lot like Jesus.
Which is ironic because if he'd seen my porn collection he'd think I was Mohammed.
---
She lay naked on my bed, with just a carrot, a leek and a cauliflower covering her nether regions.
She called it a vegazzle.
---
I've been dating a blind girl and we've had our problems.
It was our fifth date before I woke up and realised she'd been sucking off the bedpost.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
What do you call a bunch of stoned Mexicans?
Baked beans!
Baked beans!
Hot Rod Dave
"Saucy saucy minx"
I cant wait to see Enrique at work tomorrow
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Why don't black people get sunburnt?
Prisons are indoors.
---
Cambridge News: "Man charged after severed deer head left on supermarket checkout"
Finally, a genuinely unexpected item in the bagging area.
---
After Zimmerman was acquitted, Kim Kardashian tweeted, "No justice".
I'm guessing she doesn't remember her father was one of the lawyers who got OJ Simpson the same deal.
---
What's taking so long for Kate to have this fucking kid.
I haven't seen a royal having this much trouble reaching the end of a tunnel since Diana.
Prisons are indoors.
---
Cambridge News: "Man charged after severed deer head left on supermarket checkout"
Finally, a genuinely unexpected item in the bagging area.
---
After Zimmerman was acquitted, Kim Kardashian tweeted, "No justice".
I'm guessing she doesn't remember her father was one of the lawyers who got OJ Simpson the same deal.
---
What's taking so long for Kate to have this fucking kid.
I haven't seen a royal having this much trouble reaching the end of a tunnel since Diana.