Jokes thread

Saw this on one of those facebook joke pics-


Shelly-
MENstruation, MENopause, MENtalbreakdown... notice how all of women't problems start with MEN...

Blake-
HERpies...
 
The only time Joey Essex will see an "A" on a test paper is when he writes his name.
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What's the difference between a job and a rape victim?

Black people don't hold down jobs.
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They should really do a celebrity version of 'I'm a Celebrity...'
 
Hull has beaten several other contenders to become the UK's 'City of Culture' in 2017.

Meanwhile Liverpool has been named 'safest place to live' and Bradford has been declared 'terrorist free'.
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It's not rocket science.

It's actually aerospace engineering.
 
My mother always told me I could he anything or anyone I wanted to be.

Turns out the police call this "identity theft."

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That which doesn't kill you will likely regroup and try again later.
 
And on the sixth day God created Man, and gave him free will, so that he could follow the rulebook to the letter or get sent to Hell.
 
When she asked me if I liked her, I said, "No."

As I stared into her tearful eyes, I said, "You didn't ask me if I love you, though."

"Do you love me?" she said, as her face lit up.

"No," I replied.
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Ethiopia announced that it will ban pornography on the internet.

That makes it the first country to use a porn filter before using a water filter.
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Daily Mail online: Victoria Beckham reveals mountain of shoes she's donating for The Philippines.

Because a girl's gotta look her best, crawling through rubble.
 
Alex.J walks into the bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?"

Alex.J looks in the mirror and realizes he's now a horse and replies "I"LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!"
 
Alex.J walks into the bar with jumper cables.

The bartender says, you can have a drink, but ya better not start anything
 
Alex.J, IRM, and Jimbo walk into a bar

The bartender replies to Alex.J "you are my hero, have a free drink"
 
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