Two guys get shipwrecked and are trapped on an island in the middle of nowhere. The first man says, "Don't worry; we'll be rescued soon. I make millions of dollars daily from my company."
The second man responds, "I don't think it matters. This island is deserted. I don't think a single person lives here. Your money won't do you any good if there are no banks or anything."
The first man responds with. "I'm a Christian and I make more money in a day than most people make in a month. Do you realize how much money that is? We'll both be fine."
Angered, the other man starts ranting. "What does your religion matter? And what are you going to do with your stupid money now? Last I checked, these coconut trees don't take credit cards! Are you an idiot? Do you think your smart phones and fancy corporate gadgets get service out here?! We are so dead. Neither of us have any survival skills." He finishes ranting and sits in the sand in despair.
Finally, the rich Christian says. "I don't think you understand. I run a successful corporation, and I'm a Baptist who tithes 20 percent. Within a week, my pastor will find me."
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Three explorers are on an archaeological dig and discover a golden lamp. Excitedly, they all grab it and rub it at the same time. A genie pops out and looks at the three of them.
"Well, I normally give three wishes to one person, but since you three all found me at once, you can all each have one wish. Use it wisely." The genie says.
The first man elbows his way to the front and starts jabbering. "Maaaaan, I wish I was on a yacht in the Bahamas, with loads of whores and cocaine just having a blast!" When he finishes, the genie snaps his fingers and the man disappears.
The second man walks up and says sheepishly, "I wish I was in the most beautiful place this world has to offer, with an amazing view of gorgeous trees and waterfalls. A place where no one could find by accident, but capturing the beauty of nature as it happens." As soon as he finishes, the genie snaps his fingers and the man disappears.
The third man then speaks up. "Um, I really haven't given much thought to what I'd say if offered a wish. I.... really just wish to be with my friends." As he finishes, the genie snaps his fingers again. The first two men reappear before him, yanked away from their respective paradises to be back with the third man as the genie zips back into the lamp with a cackle.
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Three men are exploring and come to a cliff with a sign in front of it. The sign reads, "Magic Transformation Cliff--Jump off this cliff and shout out what you want to be."
The first man, a bit skeptical, slowly creeps up to the edge of the cliff, and looks over. He sees there is water at the bottom, so if the whole thing is bogus, he can still survive. He flings himself off the cliff and yells, "Eagle!" as he falls, transforming into an eagle and flying off into the distance.
The second man carefully sidles over and looks over the cliff edge, also seeing that there is water at the bottom. He grins and plunges off, yelling "Dolphin!" as he falls, turning into a dolphin on the way down and diving into the water, swimming away.
The third man walks over to the edge and tries to look over, but slips on a loose rock and yells "Oh shit!" as he falls.
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Three married men die and go to heaven. Peter stops them at the gate and says, "Before you go in, tell me how faithful you were to your spouses. God knows if you're lying."
The first man walks up and says, "Our relationship was pretty rocky, and I ended up cheating on her twice."
Peter responds, "Okay, as punishment, all you get to travel around heaven is this old, bashed-up, cramped passenger car that has a tendency to break down." And gave him the keys.
The second man bounds up and says, "I only cheated on my wife once!"
Peter replies, "Better. You can have a slightly newer mid-sized car." and handed him the keys.
The third man, happy as can be stepped up proudly and declared, "I loved my wife with all my heart and never cheated on her even once in my life."
Peter smiled and showed him to a limousine. "Very good. You can ride around heaven forever in this spacious limo. You'll have a chauffeur and if it ever has problems, I'll have some angels repair it for you." And the man rides off happily.
A little while later, the man driving his mid-sized car pulls up next to the third man and sees him slumped against the hood of the limo, crying his eyes out. Puzzled, he asks, "Woah, man, what's wrong?"
The man wipes the tears from his eyes and says, "I just rode by my wife. She was limping around heaven wearing some rusty old roller-skates with a few wheels missing..."
