Saturday Night Live MATERIAL... DO IT!Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms? Well sit back and enjoy reading these episodes of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms.
"Captain's log, star date 122113, we have been on a course set for the planet Algol in search of the Soul Crystals but lately we have not made any progress. The crew is starting to get a little antsy as I have been sitting in my chair for the last 3 days brooding over whether or not we will find the Soul Crystals needed to bring back from our expedition." thought Capt. Siegfried Schtauffen to himself.
"Mr. Kilik." Capt. Siegfried Schtauffen called out to his second in command.
"How far will we reach Algol?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.
"Well, Captain, seeing as we are two miles away from our destination, logic suggests that we continue on our path rather than taking any shortcuts like last time." answered Kilik.
"I will take that into consideration, rather than having our helm misdirect us." assured Capt. Schtauffen
At the helm, Xianghua and Mitsurugi are steering the ship. Both are frustrated, having nothing much to do other than stare into space.
"This is ridiculous, I should've been captain." murmured Xianghua.
"Hmph, like they would let a woman lead." scoffed Mitsurugi.
"I had better credentials than our captain, and yet this is what they give me?" groaned Xianghua.
"Could've been worse, you would've been a red shirt." chuckled Mitsurugi.
As Xianghua rolled her eyes, Taki addressed Capt. Schtauffen with an alert she received on her radar.
"Captain, we have a strange vessel approaching us." said Taki.
"Just what could it be?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.
"It seems to be a...pirate ship." said Taki.
"A pirate ship? Like an actual one that floats on water?" inquired Kilik.
"Correct." said Taki.
The crew's ship shook as they were hit by cannon ball.
"Captain, we've been hit!" said Mitsurugi.
The crew's ship shook once again as they were hit once again.
"Captain, the opposition looks to hold an audience with us." said Xianghua.
"On screen." said Capt. Schtauffen.
The screen revealed a rugged looking man in pirate captain attire, laughing menacingly at the crew.
"This is Captain Siegfried Schtauffen of the S.S. Requiem, state your name and your intention." announced the Captain.
"This is Cervantes De Leon of The Adrian. I am after the Soul Crystals on the Planet Algol, and see to it that no one takes them from me!" announced the dreaded captain.
"We are after the Soul Crystals ourselves." Capt. Schtauffen added.
"Oh? And you think you will be successful?" Cervantes asked with a malicious grin across his face.
"Captain, I seem to have located the area where the Soul Crystals are embedded. The Crystals are inside a cavern" said Yun-Seong.
"Mr. Yun-Seong, direct the coordinates to Sophitia." demanded Capt. Schtauffen.
"Mr. Kilik, Dr. Sorel, Ivy, and I will look for the crystals." Capt. Schtauffen added.
"Hmph, you won't get there before I do." scoffed Cervantes.
Captain Schtauffen and Kilik met up with Dr. Sorel and Ivy, who was wearing a purple spandex catsuit with cybernetic implants, at the engineer dock to be transported to Algol.
"Sir, I have coordinates to where the crystals are located." Sophitia confirmed.
"Captain, it seems like we're missing another person for this mission." said Ivy.
A man wearing a red shirt arrived at the engineering dock and joined the others on the transporter.
"Looks like we're all set, beam us out, Sophie." said Capt. Schtauffen.
Sophitia beamed the five crew members on Algol. On the treacherous planet, the five crew members looked around in sight of the cavern.
"Captain, look." Ivy pointed out.
"That must be the cavern Yun-Seong must've mentioned." Dr. Sorel added.
"We must head inside before Cervantes beats us to it." said Capt. Schtauffen.
Inside the cavern, the crew members looked around with their flashlights on, looking for the crystals. The red shirt snagged his pants across white jagged rocks.
"Ouch!" yelped the red shirt.
"What is it?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.
"Captain, it appears to me that our red shirt may have came across one of the Soul Crystals." Kilik observed.
"Dr. Sorel, see if you pull one of the crystals out of the ground." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.
"Dammit, Siegfried, I'm a doctor, not a miner." Dr. Sorel grouched.
"I'll retrieve it." said Ivy.
As Ivy attempted to retrieve the crystal, a stray bullet flew between Ivy's hand and the crystal.
"Not so fast!" said Cervantes.
"Cervantes!" said Capt. Schtauffen as crew members pulled their phasers out.
"You will not grasp those crystals, and I will make blight of your mission." declared Cervantes.
The red shirt fired his phaser at Cervantes but missed. Cervantes shot the red shirt in the chest, killing him.
"Dr. Sorel, Ivy, get the crystals, Mr. Kilik and I will fend off Cervantes." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.
As Dr. Sorel and Ivy tried to grab all the Soul Crystals from the cavern, a group of Lizardmen cornered them.
"Great, we're screwed." gritted Dr. Sorel.
"Not if I can help it." said Ivy.
Ivy managed to fight off many of the lizardmen as Dr. Sorel fumbled with his phaser, trying to shoot most of them. Meanwhile, Capt. Schtauffen and Kilik were in a shootout with Cervantes over the Soul Crystals. Cervantes was running low on bullets, and looked to have lost the fight.
"We got him right where we want him." said Capt. Schtauffen.
"Captain, wait." said Kilik.
As Capt. Schtauffen raced up to fight Cervantes with his fists, the dreaded pirate pulled out another phaser, shooting a bullet at him but the steely captain dodged it. Captain Schtauffen tackled Cervantes, relieving him of his weapon. Both captains engaged in a fist fight, with Cervantes gaining the upper hand.
"Mr. Kilik, gather all the Soul Crystals!" Capt. Schtauffen demanded.
Cervantes delivered a punch to the young captain's stomach, followed by a punch to the chin, sending him to the ground. Cervantes then went to grab his phaser but Capt. Schtauffen tripped him. Back in the cavern, Ivy managed to subdue the Lizardmen, with some help from Dr. Sorel shooting some. Both Dr. Sorel and Ivy helped Kilik gather up the Soul Crystals out of the cavern, and fled before any menacing threats approached. Cervantes and Capt. Schtauffen were nearly exhausted from their fist fight. The young captain was panting heavily while the much older Cervantes snickered.
"What's the matter, don't have any fight in you anymore?" Cervantes asked as he pointed his phaser at him.
Seeing this, Dr. Sorel fumbled with his phaser, looking to stop Cervantes but before he could Kilik and Ivy shot the dreaded pirate in the back, killing him.
"Mr. Kilik, Ivy, thank you." Capt. Schtauffen smiled meekly.
Capt. Schtauffen contacted Sophitia to beam them back up.
"Sophie, we got the crystals. Beam us back up." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.
"Right away, Captain." Sophitia responded.
Back on the ship, Capt. Schtauffen wrote in his log:
"Captain's log, star date 122312, we have gathered the Soul Crystals we needed for our expedition, however, we've gained extra crystals that will come in handy for our ship. Though we lost a crew member in our mission to retrieve these items, I know for certain that it was not in vain. Now as I leave my quarters to my chair, I can't think about how great of a captain I am."
As Capt. Schtauffen headed back to his chair, he sees Xianghua sitting in his seat.
"Lieutenant Xianghua, what is the meaning of this?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.
"I wrote a letter to the federation concerning my credentials as a potential captain for this crew, and you being in a menial position" Xianghua answered.
"Xianghua, I was elected captain for this crew, and the federation can't overturn that." Capt. Schtauffen retorted.
"Hmm, last I checked, such a thing can occur, regardless of what you may say." Xianghua repsonded.
"She's right." Kilik chimed in.
Xianghua handed Capt. Schtauffen a letter stating that Xianghua's credentials were more higher than his, and that they agreed to make her captain, on the lines that he'd be willing to be a co-captain.
"Well, I'll be." said Capt. Schtauffen.
"Looks like you're going to be calling me Capt. Chai Xianghua for now on." Xianghua beamed.
"Not if I become co-captain." Capt. Schtauffen retorted.
"We'll see." Xianghua smiled
"Mr. Mitsurugi, Ms. Mi-Na, takes us to warp speed" Xianghua demanded.
"Aye, aye, Captain." groaned Mitsurugi as the ship went into warp speed.
Thanks. I kinda knew what personalities they had, and matched them with the characters from leverage. Ivy does fit as a leader, Taki being sarcastic and tough, Sophitia being the sexy decoy, Cassandra as the cautious go-getter, and Xianghua as the nerdy or brainy rookie of the group.Ivy, the fearless leader; Taki, the sarcastic rebel of the bunch; a naive Sophitia, Cassandra, the cautious go-getter; and Xianghua, the rookie. HA! Wonderful how you satire their character traits into this story.