Soul Calibur TV

Xianghuafan85

[08] Mercenary
Hey there once again everyone,

The voting for the season finale is underway! We have ten categories and we are posting up two categories every week in the month of June so here is how it works; I will post up the two categories on a separate thread ( note the voting will not be on this thread) every Friday the fans have until next Thursday 7:59 pm EST to vote, then we move on to the next. the very last day to vote will be July 3rd. the winners will be announced in mid or late July when we post the Soul Clalibur TV awards. voting starts now! look for the thread Soul Calibur Awards voting poll

Happy voting
 

ShaolinTiger86

[13] Hero
Hey everyone, this is ShaolinTiger86. If you love Soul Calibur TV and all that me and Xianghuafan85 are doing, we would appreciate it if you all voted in the Soul Calibur TV Awards Polls that will lead up to the first ever Soul Calibur TV Awards. If you want to continue supporting and reading more of Soul Calibur TV, please vote right now. The categories are:

Sexiest Female
Hottest Male
Funniest Character
Best Couple
Who would you like to see in their own show
Fan Favorite
Best Show
Most Dramatic Character
 

Xianghuafan85

[08] Mercenary
Before I start this next show we just want to thank all the viewers for our 1,000th views, so let me be the one to say thank you all for your support. <3

Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms a talk show? Well sit back enjoy reading this episode of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms a talk show.

Mina The talk show

Audience cheers as Seong- Mi-na (in a red suit) enters the stage some happy music plays in the background

Mina: Hello and welcome to the show today’s topic is I got a secret to tell you.
Audience: oooohhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Mina: let’s meet out first guest meet Siegfried, he has a dark secret to tell his girlfriend. So Siegfried, tell us your secret.
Siegfried: (in a wife beater on and khaki pants) well you know Mina, I want to tell Hilde that I don’t love her, but I am in love with someone else, and we have been seeing each other for six months now.
Mina: Well, she is going to know now, everyone meet Hilde!
Audience: cheers then groans in awe as Hilde (wearing a pink dress and white leggings) goes on stage to give Siegfried a hug.
Mina: welcome to the show, Hilde, Siegfried has something to tell you.
Siegfried: well Hilde, we have been together for four months now but…
Hilde: But what?
Siegfried: I am not in love with you; I have been seeing someone else.
Hilde: (angrily) who is she huh?! Who is this bitch?! When I see her I am going to f**k her up!
Audience: ooooohhhhh!!!
Siegfried: She?
Mina: Siegfried’s lover is here come on out.
Audience boos as nightmare goes on stage and kisses Siegfried Hilde punches Nightmare in the back of head. Security tries to break it up. One of the security guards holds Hilde back from charging at Nightmare.
Hilde: Siegfried you’re gay?! What the F**k?! When did this S**t happened?
Nightmare: Bitch please, he never like you anyhow.
Everyone sits back down in their seats.
Mina: alright calm down, Nightmare um…how did you become attracted to Siegfried?
Nightmare: It was our love for Soul Edge.
Hilde: what about Tira? Was she in love with you and Soul Edge? Yeah let’s talk about that you little b***h!
Mina: Speak of the devil…here is Tira!
Audience cheers enter Tira (in a green tank top and black skirt)
Tira (cheerfully): Hi Mina! I just love your show!
Mina: (Creeps out) Thank you, so Nightmare, go ahead and tell her what is on your mind.
Tira (cheerfully) what do you want to talk about dear?
Nightmare: you got 24 hours to get your crap out of my house; I am leaving you for Siegfried.
Tira: (in a hostile tone) What?! She throws a chair at Nightmare and another fight breaks out.
Mina: we’ll be back after these messages.
(Commercial break)
Audience cheers
Mina: welcome back to the show, we are talking to guests who are exposing their secrets to the world. Hello Raphael, welcome to the show.
Raphael: (in a Dracula outfit) Hello Mina
Mina: Care to explain on why do you dressed like Dracula?
Raphael: my secret is I have a vampire fetish, by seducing ladies in to being my servants.
Mina: can you show us how it works?
Raphael: sure.
Two sexy women enter the stage starts to make out with each other and then with Raphael, suddenly he bites each of their necks.
Mina: I heard you are trying to get your daughter involved.
Raphael: yes I am, but lately she refused to do this with me.
Mina: that is not true, as a matter of fact your Amy is here with a secret of her own Amy come on out.
Enter Amy Audience cheers
Mina: Amy is there something you want to tell your dad?
Amy: Dad, you are wondering on why I seem so distant lately… I am studying to be a vampire dominatrix when I grow up.
Raphael: really! That is great I love it!
Amy: really?
Raphael: yes, now let’s make a new business just you and me!
Both father and daughter leave the stage
Mina: we’ll be back.
(Another commercial break)
Mina: welcome back, meet Kilik, he said have repaid his debt to society and wants to return back to his lover. So tell us all about it.
Kilik: well Mina, my love for Xianghua is unconditional but we had broken up so I can find myself spiritually now that I had atone for my sins, I want her back.
Mina: is that so. You know your beloved Xianghua is here.
Kilik: yes, I am aware and I am ready to marry her Mina.
Mina: I can’t wait to meet her, here’s Xianghua everybody!
Applause enters Xianghua, Kilik tries to kiss her but she turns away.
Kilik: is there something wrong?
Xianghua: oh it’s nothing Kilik.
Kilik: there is something that I must tell you. (Kilik goes down on one knee and pulls out a ring box.)
Xianghua, will you marry me?
Audience cheers at first, but groans on the Xianghua’s reaction.
Xianghua: I am sorry Kilik, I can’t marry you because I slept with your best friend Maxi.
Kilik: What! when the hell this happened!
Xianghua: you left me all alone, so someone must fill in that void besides Maxi is a better lover than you are!
Audience starts to boo, and then chants whore!
Mina: here’s Maxi
Audience boos, enters Maxi Kilik attacks Maxi before he can even touch Xianghua. Security guards steps in to break up the fight.
Kilik: (shouting) Seriously Maxi?! You wanted to F**k my girl? How could you!
Maxi: simple. your ass wasn’t there to take care of her.
Kilik: you know I went to clear my head. I have atoned for my sins…
Xianghua: yeah…like being with a hooker is a toning of your sins.
Maxi: now that’s sick.
Mina: we got a question from the audience sir what do you got to say?
Yun-Seong: You want sick, the night before the show, I had sex with Xianghua and on top of that she is pregnant with my child.
Maxi and Kilik: What!
Mina: is this true Xianghua?
Xianghua (nods her head): yes.
Kilik: oh you f***er!
Both Kilik and Maxi attacks Yun-Seong security tries to break it up again. Xianghua is shaking her head in shame. The audience is chanting Mina. Security tries to calm the guests down.
Mina: so let me get this straight, Xianghua had slept with all three of you, now she is pregnant and have no clue who the father of the baby is. This is crazy; we will have a update real soon. I’ll be back with my final word.
(Commercial Break)
Mina’s final word: As humans we keep secrets all the time, but once we let these secrets out it can get ugly. In the near future don’t keep secrets. See you next time everyone.
 

Xianghuafan85

[08] Mercenary
Introduction For Soul Calibur TV Season 2: (Program note the introduction is short skit on both myself and my partner only)

The setting: it is raining and both ShaolinTiger86 and I are home on the couch looking for something good on TV.

Me: *sighs* another raining day, let's see what's on TV.
*turns to the infomercial*
ShaolinTiger86: oh great not another infomercial
*turns to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo*
Me: give me a break! just how many trashy reality shows are there?!
*the two of us are constantly grabbing the remote changing channels, then all of a sudden Soul Calibur TV comes on*
*silence then the two of us smiled*
Me: Soul Calibur season 2...*let out a sly chuckle*
Both: let the madness begin!
Announcer: Stay Tuned for Soul Calibur TV Season 2: a new year a brand new crop of shows after these messages.
 

ShaolinTiger86

[13] Hero
Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms? Well sit back and enjoy reading these episodes of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms.

"Calibur Trek"

"Captain's log, star date 122113, we have been on a course set for the planet Algol in search of the Soul Crystals but lately we have not made any progress. The crew is starting to get a little antsy as I have been sitting in my chair for the last 3 days brooding over whether or not we will find the Soul Crystals needed to bring back from our expedition." thought Capt. Siegfried Schtauffen to himself.

"Mr. Kilik." Capt. Siegfried Schtauffen called out to his second in command.

"How far will we reach Algol?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.

"Well, Captain, seeing as we are two miles away from our destination, logic suggests that we continue on our path rather than taking any shortcuts like last time." answered Kilik.

"I will take that into consideration, rather than having our helm misdirect us." assured Capt. Schtauffen

At the helm, Xianghua and Mitsurugi are steering the ship. Both are frustrated, having nothing much to do other than stare into space.

"This is ridiculous, I should've been captain." murmured Xianghua.

"Hmph, like they would let a woman lead." scoffed Mitsurugi.

"I had better credentials than our captain, and yet this is what they give me?" groaned Xianghua.

"Could've been worse, you would've been a red shirt." chuckled Mitsurugi.

As Xianghua rolled her eyes, Taki addressed Capt. Schtauffen with an alert she received on her radar.

"Captain, we have a strange vessel approaching us." said Taki.

"Just what could it be?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.

"It seems to be a...pirate ship." said Taki.

"A pirate ship? Like an actual one that floats on water?" inquired Kilik.

"Correct." said Taki.

The crew's ship shook as they were hit by cannon ball.

"Captain, we've been hit!" said Mitsurugi.

The crew's ship shook once again as they were hit once again.

"Captain, the opposition looks to hold an audience with us." said Xianghua.

"On screen." said Capt. Schtauffen.

The screen revealed a rugged looking man in pirate captain attire, laughing menacingly at the crew.

"This is Captain Siegfried Schtauffen of the S.S. Requiem, state your name and your intention." announced the Captain.

"This is Cervantes De Leon of The Adrian. I am after the Soul Crystals on the Planet Algol, and see to it that no one takes them from me!" announced the dreaded captain.

"We are after the Soul Crystals ourselves." Capt. Schtauffen added.

"Oh? And you think you will be successful?" Cervantes asked with a malicious grin across his face.

"Captain, I seem to have located the area where the Soul Crystals are embedded. The Crystals are inside a cavern" said Yun-Seong.

"Mr. Yun-Seong, direct the coordinates to Sophitia." demanded Capt. Schtauffen.

"Mr. Kilik, Dr. Sorel, Ivy, and I will look for the crystals." Capt. Schtauffen added.

"Hmph, you won't get there before I do." scoffed Cervantes.

Captain Schtauffen and Kilik met up with Dr. Sorel and Ivy, who was wearing a purple spandex catsuit with cybernetic implants, at the engineer dock to be transported to Algol.

"Sir, I have coordinates to where the crystals are located." Sophitia confirmed.

"Captain, it seems like we're missing another person for this mission." said Ivy.

A man wearing a red shirt arrived at the engineering dock and joined the others on the transporter.

"Looks like we're all set, beam us out, Sophie." said Capt. Schtauffen.

Sophitia beamed the five crew members on Algol. On the treacherous planet, the five crew members looked around in sight of the cavern.

"Captain, look." Ivy pointed out.

"That must be the cavern Yun-Seong must've mentioned." Dr. Sorel added.

"We must head inside before Cervantes beats us to it." said Capt. Schtauffen.

Inside the cavern, the crew members looked around with their flashlights on, looking for the crystals. The red shirt snagged his pants across white jagged rocks.

"Ouch!" yelped the red shirt.

"What is it?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.

"Captain, it appears to me that our red shirt may have came across one of the Soul Crystals." Kilik observed.

"Dr. Sorel, see if you pull one of the crystals out of the ground." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.

"Dammit, Siegfried, I'm a doctor, not a miner." Dr. Sorel grouched.

"I'll retrieve it." said Ivy.

As Ivy attempted to retrieve the crystal, a stray bullet flew between Ivy's hand and the crystal.

"Not so fast!" said Cervantes.

"Cervantes!" said Capt. Schtauffen as crew members pulled their phasers out.

"You will not grasp those crystals, and I will make blight of your mission." declared Cervantes.

The red shirt fired his phaser at Cervantes but missed. Cervantes shot the red shirt in the chest, killing him.

"Dr. Sorel, Ivy, get the crystals, Mr. Kilik and I will fend off Cervantes." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.

As Dr. Sorel and Ivy tried to grab all the Soul Crystals from the cavern, a group of Lizardmen cornered them.

"Great, we're screwed." gritted Dr. Sorel.

"Not if I can help it." said Ivy.

Ivy managed to fight off many of the lizardmen as Dr. Sorel fumbled with his phaser, trying to shoot most of them. Meanwhile, Capt. Schtauffen and Kilik were in a shootout with Cervantes over the Soul Crystals. Cervantes was running low on bullets, and looked to have lost the fight.

"We got him right where we want him." said Capt. Schtauffen.

"Captain, wait." said Kilik.

As Capt. Schtauffen raced up to fight Cervantes with his fists, the dreaded pirate pulled out another phaser, shooting a bullet at him but the steely captain dodged it. Captain Schtauffen tackled Cervantes, relieving him of his weapon. Both captains engaged in a fist fight, with Cervantes gaining the upper hand.

"Mr. Kilik, gather all the Soul Crystals!" Capt. Schtauffen demanded.

Cervantes delivered a punch to the young captain's stomach, followed by a punch to the chin, sending him to the ground. Cervantes then went to grab his phaser but Capt. Schtauffen tripped him. Back in the cavern, Ivy managed to subdue the Lizardmen, with some help from Dr. Sorel shooting some. Both Dr. Sorel and Ivy helped Kilik gather up the Soul Crystals out of the cavern, and fled before any menacing threats approached. Cervantes and Capt. Schtauffen were nearly exhausted from their fist fight. The young captain was panting heavily while the much older Cervantes snickered.

"What's the matter, don't have any fight in you anymore?" Cervantes asked as he pointed his phaser at him.

Seeing this, Dr. Sorel fumbled with his phaser, looking to stop Cervantes but before he could Kilik and Ivy shot the dreaded pirate in the back, killing him.

"Mr. Kilik, Ivy, thank you." Capt. Schtauffen smiled meekly.

Capt. Schtauffen contacted Sophitia to beam them back up.

"Sophie, we got the crystals. Beam us back up." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.

"Right away, Captain." Sophitia responded.

Back on the ship, Capt. Schtauffen wrote in his log:

"Captain's log, star date 122312, we have gathered the Soul Crystals we needed for our expedition, however, we've gained extra crystals that will come in handy for our ship. Though we lost a crew member in our mission to retrieve these items, I know for certain that it was not in vain. Now as I leave my quarters to my chair, I can't think about how great of a captain I am."

As Capt. Schtauffen headed back to his chair, he sees Xianghua sitting in his seat.

"Lieutenant Xianghua, what is the meaning of this?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.

"I wrote a letter to the federation concerning my credentials as a potential captain for this crew, and you being in a menial position" Xianghua answered.

"Xianghua, I was elected captain for this crew, and the federation can't overturn that." Capt. Schtauffen retorted.

"Hmm, last I checked, such a thing can occur, regardless of what you may say." Xianghua repsonded.

"She's right." Kilik chimed in.

Xianghua handed Capt. Schtauffen a letter stating that Xianghua's credentials were more higher than his, and that they agreed to make her captain, on the lines that he'd be willing to be a co-captain.

"Well, I'll be." said Capt. Schtauffen.

"Looks like you're going to be calling me Capt. Chai Xianghua for now on." Xianghua beamed.

"Not if I become co-captain." Capt. Schtauffen retorted.

"We'll see." Xianghua smiled

"Mr. Mitsurugi, Ms. Mi-Na, takes us to warp speed" Xianghua demanded.

"Aye, aye, Captain." groaned Mitsurugi as the ship went into warp speed.
 

Xianghuafan85

[08] Mercenary
Power Workout with Talim
Ever imagine your favorite Soul Calibur characters in your favorite TV shows? Well sit back and relax and enjoy Soul Calibur TV.
Cast:
Talim: our host
The assistants in the background are
Taki
Sopihitia
Kilik
Xianghua
Voldo
Talim enters the stage as the other characters are stretch as Talim talks.
Talim: Good Morning and welcome to Power Workout. My name is Talim. Today we are going to work on cardio, Follow by working on our legs and lower back and finally a cool down with power yoga, you too can do this at home, so get up and do these exercises with us.
Everyone continues to stretch
Talim: ok everyone let’s stretch our arms and upper body. Stretching is very important when you work out, it makes our bodies more limber.
The camera pans to Kilik, who was too busy staring at Xianghua to follow Talim’s routine when Taki slaps Kilik upside his head.
Taki: pay attention Kilik!
Talim: Alright now that we have stretched ,we will now move on to cardio workout. let’s do some jumping jacks
The camera slowly pans to Taki, Sopihitia and Xianghua’s chests.
Camera man thinking: Oh yes work it for me
Talim noticed that the camera is not on her
Talim: excuse me?
Camera man: oops , sorry
Talim: now we are going work on our lower back so get on all fours and try this exercise, once you are on the floor, you take your left leg and lift it up and down.
The others are copying her moves, the camera pans to Kilik again who was too distracted staring at Xianghua’s rear end. Without a warning, Sopihtia (who was too close to Kilik in the first place) accidently kicked Kilik in the face rendering him unconscious.
(10 minutes later…)
Talim: Now it is time for our cool down, let’s sit down in the crossed legs position and breathe in and out.
The others copy her moves again
Talim: let’s try one of my favorite poses it is called "one with the silent wind." Stand up and bend down to reach your toes as far as you can.
As the others attempted to try the pose, Kilik regains consciousness
Xianghua: I wonder why she named this pose “one with the silent wind?”
Mysterious person farts constantly
Everyone notice a foul odor and people were slowly leaving the room holding their noses.
Kilik: That’s why!
Everyone except Talim and Voldo has left the room.
Talim: that’s our show, have a beautiful morning.
She turns around and notices her crew except Voldo has left the set.
Talim: (sighs) I really need to stop putting Voldo on this show he is scaring my crew.
 

hwang24

[10] Knight
SNL
Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms? Well sit back and enjoy reading these episodes of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms.

"Calibur Trek"

"Captain's log, star date 122113, we have been on a course set for the planet Algol in search of the Soul Crystals but lately we have not made any progress. The crew is starting to get a little antsy as I have been sitting in my chair for the last 3 days brooding over whether or not we will find the Soul Crystals needed to bring back from our expedition." thought Capt. Siegfried Schtauffen to himself.

"Mr. Kilik." Capt. Siegfried Schtauffen called out to his second in command.

"How far will we reach Algol?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.

"Well, Captain, seeing as we are two miles away from our destination, logic suggests that we continue on our path rather than taking any shortcuts like last time." answered Kilik.

"I will take that into consideration, rather than having our helm misdirect us." assured Capt. Schtauffen

At the helm, Xianghua and Mitsurugi are steering the ship. Both are frustrated, having nothing much to do other than stare into space.

"This is ridiculous, I should've been captain." murmured Xianghua.

"Hmph, like they would let a woman lead." scoffed Mitsurugi.

"I had better credentials than our captain, and yet this is what they give me?" groaned Xianghua.

"Could've been worse, you would've been a red shirt." chuckled Mitsurugi.

As Xianghua rolled her eyes, Taki addressed Capt. Schtauffen with an alert she received on her radar.

"Captain, we have a strange vessel approaching us." said Taki.

"Just what could it be?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.

"It seems to be a...pirate ship." said Taki.

"A pirate ship? Like an actual one that floats on water?" inquired Kilik.

"Correct." said Taki.

The crew's ship shook as they were hit by cannon ball.

"Captain, we've been hit!" said Mitsurugi.

The crew's ship shook once again as they were hit once again.

"Captain, the opposition looks to hold an audience with us." said Xianghua.

"On screen." said Capt. Schtauffen.

The screen revealed a rugged looking man in pirate captain attire, laughing menacingly at the crew.

"This is Captain Siegfried Schtauffen of the S.S. Requiem, state your name and your intention." announced the Captain.

"This is Cervantes De Leon of The Adrian. I am after the Soul Crystals on the Planet Algol, and see to it that no one takes them from me!" announced the dreaded captain.

"We are after the Soul Crystals ourselves." Capt. Schtauffen added.

"Oh? And you think you will be successful?" Cervantes asked with a malicious grin across his face.

"Captain, I seem to have located the area where the Soul Crystals are embedded. The Crystals are inside a cavern" said Yun-Seong.

"Mr. Yun-Seong, direct the coordinates to Sophitia." demanded Capt. Schtauffen.

"Mr. Kilik, Dr. Sorel, Ivy, and I will look for the crystals." Capt. Schtauffen added.

"Hmph, you won't get there before I do." scoffed Cervantes.

Captain Schtauffen and Kilik met up with Dr. Sorel and Ivy, who was wearing a purple spandex catsuit with cybernetic implants, at the engineer dock to be transported to Algol.

"Sir, I have coordinates to where the crystals are located." Sophitia confirmed.

"Captain, it seems like we're missing another person for this mission." said Ivy.

A man wearing a red shirt arrived at the engineering dock and joined the others on the transporter.

"Looks like we're all set, beam us out, Sophie." said Capt. Schtauffen.

Sophitia beamed the five crew members on Algol. On the treacherous planet, the five crew members looked around in sight of the cavern.

"Captain, look." Ivy pointed out.

"That must be the cavern Yun-Seong must've mentioned." Dr. Sorel added.

"We must head inside before Cervantes beats us to it." said Capt. Schtauffen.

Inside the cavern, the crew members looked around with their flashlights on, looking for the crystals. The red shirt snagged his pants across white jagged rocks.

"Ouch!" yelped the red shirt.

"What is it?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.

"Captain, it appears to me that our red shirt may have came across one of the Soul Crystals." Kilik observed.

"Dr. Sorel, see if you pull one of the crystals out of the ground." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.

"Dammit, Siegfried, I'm a doctor, not a miner." Dr. Sorel grouched.

"I'll retrieve it." said Ivy.

As Ivy attempted to retrieve the crystal, a stray bullet flew between Ivy's hand and the crystal.

"Not so fast!" said Cervantes.

"Cervantes!" said Capt. Schtauffen as crew members pulled their phasers out.

"You will not grasp those crystals, and I will make blight of your mission." declared Cervantes.

The red shirt fired his phaser at Cervantes but missed. Cervantes shot the red shirt in the chest, killing him.

"Dr. Sorel, Ivy, get the crystals, Mr. Kilik and I will fend off Cervantes." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.

As Dr. Sorel and Ivy tried to grab all the Soul Crystals from the cavern, a group of Lizardmen cornered them.

"Great, we're screwed." gritted Dr. Sorel.

"Not if I can help it." said Ivy.

Ivy managed to fight off many of the lizardmen as Dr. Sorel fumbled with his phaser, trying to shoot most of them. Meanwhile, Capt. Schtauffen and Kilik were in a shootout with Cervantes over the Soul Crystals. Cervantes was running low on bullets, and looked to have lost the fight.

"We got him right where we want him." said Capt. Schtauffen.

"Captain, wait." said Kilik.

As Capt. Schtauffen raced up to fight Cervantes with his fists, the dreaded pirate pulled out another phaser, shooting a bullet at him but the steely captain dodged it. Captain Schtauffen tackled Cervantes, relieving him of his weapon. Both captains engaged in a fist fight, with Cervantes gaining the upper hand.

"Mr. Kilik, gather all the Soul Crystals!" Capt. Schtauffen demanded.

Cervantes delivered a punch to the young captain's stomach, followed by a punch to the chin, sending him to the ground. Cervantes then went to grab his phaser but Capt. Schtauffen tripped him. Back in the cavern, Ivy managed to subdue the Lizardmen, with some help from Dr. Sorel shooting some. Both Dr. Sorel and Ivy helped Kilik gather up the Soul Crystals out of the cavern, and fled before any menacing threats approached. Cervantes and Capt. Schtauffen were nearly exhausted from their fist fight. The young captain was panting heavily while the much older Cervantes snickered.

"What's the matter, don't have any fight in you anymore?" Cervantes asked as he pointed his phaser at him.

Seeing this, Dr. Sorel fumbled with his phaser, looking to stop Cervantes but before he could Kilik and Ivy shot the dreaded pirate in the back, killing him.

"Mr. Kilik, Ivy, thank you." Capt. Schtauffen smiled meekly.

Capt. Schtauffen contacted Sophitia to beam them back up.

"Sophie, we got the crystals. Beam us back up." Capt. Schtauffen demanded.

"Right away, Captain." Sophitia responded.

Back on the ship, Capt. Schtauffen wrote in his log:

"Captain's log, star date 122312, we have gathered the Soul Crystals we needed for our expedition, however, we've gained extra crystals that will come in handy for our ship. Though we lost a crew member in our mission to retrieve these items, I know for certain that it was not in vain. Now as I leave my quarters to my chair, I can't think about how great of a captain I am."

As Capt. Schtauffen headed back to his chair, he sees Xianghua sitting in his seat.

"Lieutenant Xianghua, what is the meaning of this?" Capt. Schtauffen asked.

"I wrote a letter to the federation concerning my credentials as a potential captain for this crew, and you being in a menial position" Xianghua answered.

"Xianghua, I was elected captain for this crew, and the federation can't overturn that." Capt. Schtauffen retorted.

"Hmm, last I checked, such a thing can occur, regardless of what you may say." Xianghua repsonded.

"She's right." Kilik chimed in.

Xianghua handed Capt. Schtauffen a letter stating that Xianghua's credentials were more higher than his, and that they agreed to make her captain, on the lines that he'd be willing to be a co-captain.

"Well, I'll be." said Capt. Schtauffen.

"Looks like you're going to be calling me Capt. Chai Xianghua for now on." Xianghua beamed.

"Not if I become co-captain." Capt. Schtauffen retorted.

"We'll see." Xianghua smiled

"Mr. Mitsurugi, Ms. Mi-Na, takes us to warp speed" Xianghua demanded.

"Aye, aye, Captain." groaned Mitsurugi as the ship went into warp speed.
Saturday Night Live MATERIAL... DO IT!
 

ShaolinTiger86

[13] Hero
Ever imagine what your favorite Soul Calibur characters would look like in various sitcoms? Well sit back and enjoy reading these episodes of your favorite SC characters in sitcoms.

Soul Calibur: Leverage

Inside a warehouse, Sophitia, Taki, Xianghua, and Cassandra await their boss, Ivy, who has the latest plan to bring in a con-man.

"When is she getting here, I'm already starting to get irritated." said Taki.

Ivy arrives, meeting the four women.

"Ladies, I see all of you are finally here." Ivy began, glancing at the four women.

"What took you so long?" asked Taki.

"I was finishing up on compiling a few notes about our latest con artist." Ivy answered.

"Probably doing more than that." Taki murmured.

"Excuse me?" Ivy asked as Taki shot her a glare.

"Um, about this con artist, what should we know about?" Sophitia asked, interrupting the would be fight.

"Ah yes." Ivy began.

"Our con artist is none other than one Lord Geo Dampierre, otherwise known as Le Bello." Ivy added.

"Lord Geo Dampierre, that guy that sells those mega vitamins on those late night infomercials?" Cassandra asked.

"Correct." Ivy answered.

"He's been scamming the public for years, telling anyone who buys his product that they will lose weight and gain muscle within a week." Ivy continued.

"That doesn't seem like a bad product." Sophitia chimed in.

"Easy for anyone to say. The product itself has lead to an influx of misshapen bodies and unsatisfied customers." said Ivy.

"But why aren't the people doing anything about it?" Xianghua asked.

"Good question. It's because people are disillusioned by the idea that a pill or vitamin is the key to their new being. So what we're going to do is blow the lid off this secret scam." Ivy answered.

"Xianghua, you will hack into the product's website, exposing the truth on the internet." Ivy instructed.

"Right." Xianghua answered.

"Taki, you and Cassandra will destroy the products, making sure none of his flunkies interfere with our mission." Ivy continued.

"Flunkies?" Taki asked.

"Dampierre has been under so much scrutiny by the government, that he paid them off from the profits he's made, not to mention, hiring thugs in the process." Ivy answered.

"Sophitia, you will be a stand in amongst the crowd. If there's one thing Dampierre can't resist, is a gorgeous face." Ivy continued.

"Going with a sex deploy, that should work." said Taki sarcastically.

"Dampierre and his cronies are going to be at the fairgrounds, if we can catch him, we can bring him to justice." Ivy replied.
*********************************

At the fairgrounds, the team began their operation, leaving Xianghua and Ivy inside the van.

"Everyone knows what to do, right?" Ivy asked.

"Yes." Sophitia then raised her hand.

"Why do we have to wear this fat suit?" Sophitia asked.

"For the last time, the fat suit is supposed to have a button which slims your outer appearance. Afterwards, you'll have to play victim to the side effects. " Ivy answered.

"Side effects? " Taki chimed in.

"We'll have to expose him as a fraud somehow." Ivy responded.

"Alright, girls, let's move." Ivy instructed.
**********************************************

Taki and Cassandra stealthily made their way backstage, looking for the mega vitamin product, while Sophitia stood in the crowd.

"I swear Sophitia should question Ivy more often." said Cassandra.

"Quiet, we'll have to find the products itself." said Taki.

A young man smoking a cigarette, and flicking his switchblade looked up and saw Taki and Cassandra walking towards him.

"Alright, hold it right there." The young man snarled, brandishing his switchblade.

Taki twisted the young man's arm, and delivered a hard chop across the throat, causing him to grasp it as he collapsed to the ground.

"Look!" Cassandra pointed as two men carried a case of mega vitamins into a tent.

"Let's move." said Taki.
****************************************************

"...And now, please give a huge welcome to the maker of Mega Vitamin, Lord Geo Dampierre!" proclaimed an announcer as the lavish and distinguished individual made his way to the stage as the crowd cheered.

"Hello, everyone, it is I, Lord Geo Dampierre, but you can call me, Le Bello!" Dampierre smiled as the crowd applauded.

"Is everyone ready to lose weight and gain muscle?" Dampierre asked as the crowd cheered.

"Come on, you can do better than that, I said, is everyone ready to lose weight and gain muscle?" Dampierre asked once again as the crowd cheered loudly.

Dampierre looked out to the crowd, and noticed Sophitia.

"You look like someone who's in need of some of my own product, madam. Come. " said Dampierre as he helped Sophitia up to the stage.
************************************

Inside the van, Ivy was monitoring Sophitia's progress, while Xianghua was hacking her way into the Mega Vitamin website.

"So far, so good, Sophitia." said Ivy.

"Xianghua, dear. How goes the website hacking?" Ivy asked.

"Almost there...almost there..." said Xianghua.

"Well, make it quick, we can't be stalling now." Ivy replied.

"Got it!" exclaimed Xianghua.

Ivy turned her attention to the computer monitor and saw that Xianghua was ready to go.

"Okay, on my command, hit enter and watch the fireworks explode." said Ivy.
***************************************************

"Now with this pill, all of your weight will vanish, and you will be as muscularly fit as someone who regularly goes to the gym!" Dampierre exclaimed.

Sophitia placed the pill inside her mouth, swallowing it, and has the pill dissolved in her body, Sophitia pressed a discreet button on the fat suit, slimming herself down.

"Eureka!" Dampierre exclaimed as the crowd cheered.

"Now, ma'am. How do you feel?" Dampierre asked.

"I feel...I feel..." Sophitia fainted as the crowd gasped.
*************************************************************

Back in the van, Ivy watched Sophitia faint in front of the crowd.

"Xianghua, you know what to do." said Ivy.

Xianghua pressed the enter button as the hacked website began showing a message about how the product was nothing more than a scam.

"Now, all we have to do is call the cops, and justice will be served." Ivy added as she dialed 911.
*****************************************************************************

As the crowd clamored and worried if Sophitia was fine, the website's hacked message appeared on the monitor as the crowd turned their attention Dampierre, who tried to calm them down. Sophitia opened her left eye, watching Dampierre squirm before he turned his attention to her as she quickly closed it. Meanwhile, Dampierre's thugs tried to dispose of the product after hearing the jeers of the crowd, when they came across Taki and Cassandra, who was finishing cutting the tires off.

"Looking for a getaway?" Taki asked as the thugs were startled by her.

Two of the thugs charged at Taki with their fists, but Taki ducked rolled out of the way, and caught both of them with swift kicks across the face.

"Who's next?" Taki asked.

Another thug swung wildly at Taki with his fists, but was subdued quickly with a takedown and an punch across the face. Another thug grabbed a crowbar, aiming for Taki's head, but she quickly grabbed the weapon, and flipped the thug to the ground. Taki was then caught from behind by another thug, who had her in a headlock. Taki elbowed her opponent, before flipping him to the ground. The thug quickly got up, and was about to strike down Taki, but was knocked out by Cassandra wielding a crowbar.

"Not bad." said Taki.

Dampierre was running from the furious crowd, but was stopped in his tracks by Taki and Cassandra.

"Going somewhere?" Cassandra asked.

Dampierre panted, trying to grasp a second wind and a means of escape, when Ivy and Xianghua arrived on the scene.

"Freeze!" yelled Ivy as Xianghua and the cops trailed behind her.

"It's the end of the line for you, Le Bello." Ivy added.

"You'll never take Le Bello alive!" Dampierre exclaimed as the cops brandished their guns.

"...Or not." Dampierre added meekly, raising his hands in surrender.
*********************************************************************

"Another job well done, girls." Ivy proclaimed.

"I'll say." Cassandra chimed.

"Hey, guys." Sophitia began.

"I think I'm starting to grow muscles where I never knew I had." Sophitia pointed to her legs and chest.

"Hey, I bet she's now stronger than all of us!" joked Xianghua.

Taki, Cassandra, and Ivy laughed along with Xianghua. Sophitia looked at the rest of them with a look of confusion, but smiled and laughed along with her teammates.
 

hwang24

[10] Knight
Ivy, the fearless leader; Taki, the sarcastic rebel of the bunch; a naive Sophitia, Cassandra, the cautious go-getter; and Xianghua, the rookie. HA! Wonderful how you satire their character traits into this story.
 

ShaolinTiger86

[13] Hero
Ivy, the fearless leader; Taki, the sarcastic rebel of the bunch; a naive Sophitia, Cassandra, the cautious go-getter; and Xianghua, the rookie. HA! Wonderful how you satire their character traits into this story.
Thanks. I kinda knew what personalities they had, and matched them with the characters from leverage. Ivy does fit as a leader, Taki being sarcastic and tough, Sophitia being the sexy decoy, Cassandra as the cautious go-getter, and Xianghua as the nerdy or brainy rookie of the group.