my 2 cent: if i was you, i will find a figurative element for the pants (on a single leg, asymmetric design give ever a "less standardized touch), on the dark gray shoulders cloth white jap kanjis. But trying to not make it too contrast so maybe instead 0,0,0 white go down 2 or 3
Overall i like it, specially the head (very good hairs-face paint combination choice)
Depend of the contest where you want put in, without it is hard say if he got too much or not enough detail
If is for a SCV CaS and you want make it deal with SC style, yeah you may need some more detail
You've a number of flat colour elements, now you need to spice up things... a figurative element (animal, flower) usually give a dramatic boost in that sense
I did get a chance to create her on SCV though. Not as close as I have in the drawing but it was close enough for me.
http://8wayrun.com/threads/my-original-creations-challenges-of-beauty.13043/page-2#post-489058