Bereavement Symphony (soundtrack included with story)

Alllrighty Vincent! Finally caught up with everyone else in reading these. Outstanding work so far dude!

Kayla at present feels very different than Kayla at the beginning of the story

0VincentRayne0 said:
"Kayla. She gave me a picture of people she wanted me to keep an eye out for. I have to kill them."
Click to expand...

Damnit! Now I feel cheap because Emily does this. Well, sort of.
 
Dab_Of_Oppo said:
Alllrighty Vincent! Finally caught up with everyone else in reading these. Outstanding work so far dude!

Kayla at present feels very different than Kayla at the beginning of the story
Click to expand...

yeah i was going for that. mainly because i wanted to avoid the other silent scary little girls that do a lot of damage cliche. the girl from Case39 and Orphan helped me with this development of Kayla's character. She's young but she obviously understands very well what she's doing and has the maturity of an adult and the thought process of a trained assassin.
Damnit! Now I feel cheap because Emily does this. Well, sort of.
Click to expand...
No, it's cool. just think of it as Kayla passing a trade to a good friend. XD
 
0VincentRayne0 said:
yeah i was going for that. mainly because i wanted to avoid the other silent scary little girls that do a lot of damage cliche. the girl from Case39 and Orphan helped me with this development of Kayla's character. She's young but she obviously understands very well what she's doing and has the maturity of an adult and the thought process of a trained assassin.
Click to expand...

Haven't seen those two films. She seems to be becoming more of a character, less just the thing in the story everyone else fears. I'm failing to understand the bird's importance yet. You don't have to make her too understandable, we (the readers) don't think of her as human. Yea, everyone else in the cast sees a little girl, but we see a sadistic thing we hesitate to call a person.

No, it's cool. just think of it as Kayla passing a trade to a good friend. XD
Click to expand...

Hell we're not the first to do this. Not the last either, and mine is more focused on my characters mental issues rather than just, "Kill these people for me, would you kindly?"
 
Dab_Of_Oppo said:
Haven't seen those two films. She seems to be becoming more of a character, less just the thing in the story everyone else fears. I'm failing to understand the bird's importance yet.
Click to expand...
the bird thing is coming but that's going to be fitted together with Luke's side of the story. that's why it hasn't shown up yet. well, both that and the fact that right after Madeline took it she was kidnapped and she hasn't the foggiest idea where it could be.

Hell we're not the first to do this. Not the last either, and mine is more focused on my characters mental issues rather than just, "Kill these people for me, would you kindly?"
Click to expand...
It's funny because I pictured Kayla with that innocent look on her face handing the list to someone random and and asking that kindly like it's normal. Actually Kayla has a reason for killing these people. I'm just slowly building up to why. It's going to be pretty big when things come out in the open and the action is gonna intensify by A LOT! looking forward to you all reading it as much as I look forward to writing it.
 
0VincentRayne0 said:
It's funny because I pictured Kayla with that innocent look on her face handing the list to someone random and and asking that kindly like it's normal.
Click to expand...

Like, "Hey, can you get that special mustard I like on the way home, and off these dudes. Oh and eggs. Get eggs."

Actually Kayla has a reason for killing these people. I'm just slowly building up to why. It's going to be pretty big when things come out in the open and the action is gonna intensify by A LOT! looking forward to you all reading it as much as I look forward to writing it.
Click to expand...

Oh don't take offense! I sounded like an ass earlier. Not saying that she's killing them pointlessly, sorry.

Remember that action must serve the story (kind of ironic in a Soul Calibur forum eh?), if it doesn't it has no place being there.


EDIT:

Kayla has lost something to me, and I couldn't put my finger on it till now. It's that sense of you want to protect her, or help her with whatever these people have done to her. The dual feelings of wanting to help her and simultaneously fearing what she can do, very conflicting. Maybe that's something you weren't intending. But you pulled it off rather well. However that feeling is gone now.

I still find myself rooting for her though, a la 'Lisbeth Salander'
 
Chapter 17

"Potential?" Madeline asked and Blair quickly nodded her head.
"I didn't ask for this it like I said i didn't have a choice. I have too much research done that now one else can even understand. I can't die!" Blair shot her gun and the bullet hit the commander in the shoulder. Madeline went for her gun but and Blair pointed her weapon at her. "Don't move, Madeline. You're not on the list so you don't need to die." The soldier at the elevator came rushing in. He glanced one at his commander before Blair fired two bullets into him, both hitting him in the chest. After the soldier fell Blair once again aimed at the commander. "It's too late to turn back now! But it's okay because I'm protected. And I'm sure she will be interested in this." Blair held up the music box and then fired a final shot at the commander. The shot finding its mark through his skull.
"So you used me to find that music box and probably use me as a a getaway person?"
"I'm terribly sorry Madeline. I really do feel bad for doing this but there are a couple of more things I need you for before I can let you go."
"What's that?"
"It doesn't matter if I tell you. You are going to do it anyway. Either that or die. Walk to the elevator." Blair pointed her gun in the direction of the door and Madeline slowly turned to walk. The two silently walked to the elevator and Blair pressed the button for the lowest floor. Upon pressing the button she slid her ID into a card reader and then the elevator moved.
"Where are you taking me?" Madeline finally asked as Blair opened the door leading into the lab.
"I need to know what is in that box."
"Why? Because Kayla wants to know as well?"
"That and because I want to know as well. My research is based off of Jonathan's own. I need to know as much about his findings as possible. That way my own research can be as accurate as possible."
"And you think that this box will hold anything? And what if it does? You're still willing to continue your research by becoming a murderer and helping a monster?"
"Kayla is not a monster. She is a step in human evolution and a bright individual."
"And how do you know?" Blair stayed quiet. The look on her face as if she was telling too much. Blair then flipped a switch and the whole room lit up revealing a mass of large fluid filled tubes. Each tube stood as tall as the room from floor to ceiling. Some were empty but most of them held some sort of abomination. Some resembled a mutated animal while others looked human. The worst were the things that only some parts resembled human. Whether it be the hands, arms, the head, or just the torso. The rest were mixes of different species. One that instantly gave Madeline shivers was something that resembled a human and an insect. The only human parts were the head and the torso. The rest were limbs of what seemed like a large fly. But even the human parts were discolored and retextured to resemble more of the insect. Madeline's stomach turned and it was all she could do just to keep from vomiting.
"It's very shocking at first but then it gets to the point of being so grotesque and disturbing that they becoming fascinating." As sick as it sounded Blair was right. Madeline was disgusted by the horrifying creatures but there was something about them that made Madeline keep her eye on them. They drew her attention but at the same time gave her the shivers. "John would have been happy if he knew that we could now have nothing standing between us and our research."
"But isn't that because the government is using you?" Blair smiled.
"Those people are too stupid to understand exactly what's going on. They think we are developing weapons for them. B.O.W.s are what these things are. Bio-organic weapons." Blair pointed her weapon at the Madeline again. "Now, on to what's important. The men that brought you in were carrying something that you found. I need that item. Or rather Kayla needs it. I want you to find it." Madeline looked at Blair questionably.
"Why can't you look for it yourself? I have no idea where they hid it so it really doesn't matter who looks for it now."
"You're a detective. You specialize in finding things that are hidden, right?" Blair lowered her gun. "And if you search for it then Kayla will have no reason to kill you. You'll be helping her and she will not harm you. Like she is doing with me."
"So you want me to stoop to your level? And by helping Kayla no less. I'm sorry but I would rather die." Blair remained silent then her expression hardened.
"Fine." Blair raised her gun again. "Hand me your gun. You won't need it." Madeline went to reach for her handgun. "Wait!" Madeline froze. "I'll take it." Blair walked up to Madeline with her gun still on Madeline. She then reached it Madeline's coat pocket. Madeline then quickly grabbed hold of Blair's weapon and raised it up. Blair struggled to keep ahold of the gun and Madeline made her fire several rounds into the ceiling. Madeline then pushed Blair back into one of the tube containers. Madeline slammed Blair's hand into the glass several times and Blair finally dropped the gun. Madeline quickly went for the dropped weapon but felt her long hair yanked back. Blair hit Madeline in the face with the back of her hand knocking the detective off balance. Madeline retaliated with a kick that knocked Blair into a control panel. Madeline picked up the handgun and aimed it quickly at Blair. The scientist merely smiled and pressed a button on the control panel and a brief alarm followed after.
"What did you do?"
"You will be able to experience my BOWs first hand." Madeline looked at one of the containers and saw that the fluids inside were draining and the creature inside was stirring.
 
Good luck! :3
Just something to mention, but you should avoid using the character's name at the beginning of every sentence. Ex:
Madeline (insert sentence here). Blair (insert the continuation of another sentence here). It just happened with your last paragraph but everything else is good.
Btw, I like Madeline as a character since she's a strong woman and she has a strong sense of ethics. :)
 
darkwings13 said:
Good luck! :3
Just something to mention, but you should avoid using the character's name at the beginning of every sentence. Ex:
Madeline (insert sentence here). Blair (insert the continuation of another sentence here). It just happened with your last paragraph but everything else is good.
Btw, I like Madeline as a character since she's a strong woman and she has a strong sense of ethics. :)
Click to expand...
darn. I was keeping up with that character name at beginning of sentence and I guess I forgot about it. there was a lot of me taking breaks in between righting this particular chapter. been very busy lately.

and i focused on Luke's character through out most of the story and felt Madeline wasn't getting enough attention as one of the leading characters so this whole ordeal is to flesh her out a bit more.
 
0VincentRayne0 said:
Chapter 17

The rest were mixes of different species. One that instantly gave Madeline shivers was something that resembled a human and an insect. The only human parts were the head and the torso. The rest were limbs of what seemed like a large fly.
Click to expand...

Jeff Goldblum have anything to do with this project? Ha!

Very good, I just laughed out loud when I red that part. More of a nod to movie buffs than anything else, still, very good work so far.

Kayla's a controlling little person eh?
 
Dab_Of_Oppo said:
Jeff Goldblum have anything to do with this project? Ha!

Very good, I just laughed out loud when I red that part. More of a nod to movie buffs than anything else, still, very good work so far.

Kayla's a controlling little person eh?
Click to expand...
I had no idea actually. My inspiration was from the Resident Evil remake actually.
Chimera.jpg

but yeah Kayla is controlling. more stuff to be revealed later on. a lot is about to go down in this story from this point on. =D
 
0VincentRayne0 said:
I had no idea actually. My inspiration was from the Resident Evil remake actually.
Click to expand...

Ahhhh, still. Can see babbling dude in glasses working on the computers, shouting at Blair not to touch that button. :P

but yeah Kayla is controlling. more stuff to be revealed later on. a lot is about to go down in this story from this point on. =D
Click to expand...

Oh goody! Anything to do with that bird then too?
 
Dab_Of_Oppo said:
Sorry, I'll rephrase then, everything to do with that bird? (and not Madeline, ha, I'm feeling snarky today)

Also, I read the last chapter to a 'Phish' song, interesting conflict between what I was hearing and what I was reading (In regards to general tone). Try it some time.
Click to expand...
will do. and I'll just say that the bird-- wait. I can't say it without giving the next chapter away. unless you don't mind.
 
Chapter 18​


It was obvious that Blair had lost it. Something told Madeline to shoot the crazy woman but at the same time another thing told her that she would need the ammo. Several of the tubes were drained and the abominations inside scratched at the thick glass and screeched for murder. Whatever human characteristics some of the BOWs had were gone and were fully taken over by their animalistic instincts. They were now dangerous predators. Blair bolted for the door and Madeline instinctively turned and shot. The round missed and Blair ducked out the door. Madeline rushed towards the exit knowing immediately what Blair intends to do. The dread in Madeline growing with every step until the door finally slid shut in front of her. Madeline banged on the door before realizing it was a waste of energy. Then the sound of glass breaking made Madeline jump and turn. It seemed like the monsters didn't have the strength to break the think glass and Blair hadn't pressed the the button to release them. The alarm was silent and the only thing Madeline could hear was the sound of the creatures hanging on the glass desperately trying to free themselves of their prison. But the sound Madeline was listening for were anything that resembled footsteps. At first there was nothing but then she heard them. And they were approaching where she was at the front door. Fast.
Madeline rushed to the opposite side of the room, away from the approaching creature. She then noticed another door at the back of the room. A glimmer of hope and dread rose up. What if the door was locked? And if it was open then what if the room it led to was like this one? Or worse. Madeline shook the thoughts of doubt from her mind. The important thing was to get of this room and away from the awakened BOWs. Another crashing sound came from a. Loser position follows by an ear piercing screech that would haunt Madeline for years to come. If she made it out alive.
Madeline rushed for the door and found that it was a door with a door handle. If it was locked then Madeline would be able to shoot it open but at the risk of thing herself away and the creatures would be able folly her I to the next room.
She tried at the handle and was relieved to find out that the door was unlocked. She pulled it open and darted into the next room. She made sure to quietly close and lock the door. This room was dimly lit but the only sound Madeline could hear was the pounding of her heart. As Madeline walked further into the room she noticed that it looked like an observation room. There was glass that looked into another room with an angle door leading to that room as well as a door that led into a hall. There were also several computers in the room that Madeline stood in. In the other room was a table and a couple of chairs. On the table were papers. Madeline silently prayed that the door she entered through would stay shut. The door that led into the observed room was unlocked as well. Madeline heard banging on the door from the lab and she jumped. She quickly gathered the papers and stuffed them into her jacket and ran for the door that led into a hall from the observation room. Once out in the hall she looked down both ends trying to quickly decide which direction she wanted to take. The crashing that came from the observation room made up her mind. She ran in the opposite direction that she thought the labs were in hoping to find a stair well. Her hopes were rewarded when she passed by a sign that read stairs. Just as she heard another crashed followed by another ear piercing shriek Madeline yanked open the door and ran inside. She immediately climbed the flights of stairs as fast as she could. When Madeline got out of this she would have to be quick about finding that bird if it was important to Kayla. It had to hold some key relating to Kayla. Another loud bang was heard letting Madeline know that the creatures knew where she was. She continued her quick ascent until she arrived to the first floor. Madeline slammed herself into the door but was shocked when the door didn’t budge.
Blair must have locked it! Madeline could hear the ticks of the abominations that were quickly reaching her. Madeline banged on the door and screamed for help. She quickly looked back at the flight of stairs below her just in time to see one of the ghastly creatures appear around the corner. Madeline slammed her already injured shoulder into the door again and again as the B.O.W. quickly climbed the stairs. Suddenly, the door finally gave way and Madeline fell into the arms of a soldier. Quickly, two other soldiers rushed where Madeline just came from and fired their weapons at the creatures. As the continued firing the soldier that caught Madeline carried her away and out the building.
“It seems she was right.” The soldier said.
“What?” Madeline said groggily. She felt exhausted and the events that just happened already felt like a distant nightmare.
“A woman came up saying that someone was looked in the lower building and that the live experiments got out. If it wasn’t for that woman then who knows what would have happened.”
Blair? Madeline thought confused. The woman that tried to kill her also helped her immediately afterwards? There were so many questions that were arising as the events surrounding Kayla went on and there weren’t any answers. And now Blair and her actions added to the situation. Kayla was no longer a lone threat. She had allies now and Madeline wasn’t sure if there were more than just Blair helping the girl. That thought alone seemed much scarier than the bio-weapons that just chased after her.

 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back