Christian Game Reviews = wat

Felix007

Felix007

[09] Warrior
http://objectiveministries.org/zounds/gaming.html

Shamelessly stolen from another board. This guy apparently reviews games based upon how "safe" they are for people to play without being tempted by Satan or under "communistic influences". Not even kidding, here's an excerpt:

"There have even been implementations of Tetris done using computer controlled lights in office buildings, turning the lighted windows into the falling blocks. The ubiquity of Tetris is also because it is highly addictive. Its repetitive gameplay and use of a repetitive Russian folk tune causes players to slip into a hypnagogic state, making them receptive to the Communistic themes inherent in the game imagery (everyone is an unindividualistic block that must be made to fit together in Soviet conformity, and sometimes whole lines of people are made to disappear without any explanation). This is intentional, since, like all work done by the Soviet Academy of Science where Tetris was developed, it was part of secret military research, in this case having to do with mind control."
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Tetris. He thinks Tetris is evil.

It gets better on his review of Spore:

Will Right, the guy who made Spore, is a professed Atheist, so he likes to deceive people with so-called "satire" (which is really just an elitist way of saying "lies"... did you know that the word "satire" is really a combination of the words "Satan" and "ire"? It's true, I read it somewhere.)
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So even though Spore's rated "E" and allowed on campus I won't be installing it on my computer to review (I don't want my computer marked by the beast!). Given all these issues with Darwinism, deceptive marketing, and possible beast marking, I am giving Spore ZERO CROSSES.
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Halo:

Players swear and use blasphemies constantly in the voice chat, but that's not the worst part. When a player kills another player, he goes to the corpse and does something called "tea bagging". I'm not going to describe this since it's gross, but, according to Skeet, it's something that homosexuals do to each other. Why would they do this in a game!? (That's not the only homosexual content. The human soldiers are referred to as "Spartans" -- the real Spartans were notorious homosexuals. Come to think of it, homosexuals have also stolen the rainbow symbol from Christians and are using it to separate people from their God by leading them astray into the "Gay lifestyle". Maybe Bungie included "tea bagging" to further their anti-Covenant theme into the multiplayer campaigns.) For violence, nudity, swearing, promoting homosexual activities and promoting the destruction of the Covenant, the Halo series gets ZERO CROSSES.
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Always thought Halo was gay. Glad to see there's incontrovertible proof now.

Kinda wonder just what a quality red meat game would contain.
 
Yeah, Bungie had tea bagging in mind when they added CROUTCH. Because only gays who want to seperate you from God would put croutching in a game.
 
omg that is my new favorite website. you all must read the bully review.

people liek that make my day.
 
Oh, I saw that site awhile ago.

If that doesn't make you laugh, I dunno what will.

That reviewer looks like such a tool.
 
dont you run around killing gays in the left behind games?!?!!?
he never got into that....
 
"Then I turned, and lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a flying roll." - Zechariah 5:1
 
I'm a Christian...

My new favorite song is Indestrucible by Disturbed, Mind you I dont listen to them.

Point being...this guy is rediculous. He probably thinks rock n roll is a tool of the Devil as well. There are way to many Christians preaching about dont do this or that while at the same time failing miserably in thier own lives.

I'm begging you...please don't think this is what we are ALL like.

BTW, check it out...I'm an Asta player!!!
 
All this reminded me of was the Angry Nintendo Nerd kid's reviews on a bunch of christian games. They were pretty good.
 
Can someone please give me a link to the page of all the reviews?

EDIT: Never mind, im stupid =P
 
hmm, apparently jesus would play the 360. No wonder its outselling the ps3. Crazy Christians, lol,
 
Heh, if you look at the member biographies (click on the picture of that dorky looking guy on the top left) you find a whole bunch of frauds with creepy looking photos. My favorite was the fake economist that solved the fake game theory problem.
 
Why the hell does that guy like to be called Skeet? I should write an e-mail and tell them what skeet means.

here's an excerpt:

but for now serious researchers can read more details on the Anti Spore blog. (Be warned that they show screenshots that are not wholesome... I had to use Pastor Skeet's unfiltered research computer just to access them. Don't worry though, if you're using Covenant Eyes you'll be safe.)
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Hmm a Pastor named Skeet who has an unfiltered computer while most others don't, that computer couldn't possibly be used for what all the clues hit towards.
 
My favorite part is:

did you know that the word "satire" is really a combination of the words "Satan" and "ire"? It's true, I read it somewhere.
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I mean, I don't even know where to start with that. How can you possibly argue rationally with person like this?
 
You don't. You just sit there and laugh as they stew in their own idiocy.

Christianity. (Actually, mainly Catholicism.) The world's largest cult.
 
I'm Catholic and I'm HIGHLY offended at the stupidity of this thing (not your post, the idiot who posts these 'reviews.')

I could say more, but then this thread would get skewed way off topic.
 
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