K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
HolyCarp
[14] Master
I got a blood test and they told me my blood sample was "B negative"
...Turns out they just printed the results wrong - there was a type-O.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Mitt Romney spent $800m on not becoming president of the USA.
I spent 65p and got the same result, except I have a Mars Bar.
I spent 65p and got the same result, except I have a Mars Bar.
Death_Emperor_X
[10] Knight
I don't think anyones ever told a good joke since 2005-2012. All jokes I heard is too lame & outdated. "DEX is so tall, he tripped over a rock & hit the moon with his head while falling down", "Whenever he does a kart-wheel he kicks Jesus twice", "DEX & his wife grind tectonic boundaries together comitting a focus as they pound earthquakes", "DEX's skin pistol fires off like a volcanoes conflagration".
Rusty Hook: Stick your finger in your butt & then pull someone else over from his mouth.
Chili-Dog: Shit between tits & titty fuck.
None of these jokes are new or somewhat good anymore. I havn't heard one that is in a long time.
Rusty Hook: Stick your finger in your butt & then pull someone else over from his mouth.
Chili-Dog: Shit between tits & titty fuck.
None of these jokes are new or somewhat good anymore. I havn't heard one that is in a long time.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I've been cutting cars off and driving like a maniac ever since I put that "Honk if you're a paedophile!" bumper sticker on my car.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
My daughter and I share very different views when it comes to sex.
I see the back of her head, she sees the mattress.
I see the back of her head, she sees the mattress.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
What should you do if a condom splits?
The same.
The same.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £900. In one year, it would be £10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fucking Ferrari then?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £900. In one year, it would be £10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your fucking Ferrari then?
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
What's the difference between a practical joke and a temperature?
Nurses can take a temperature.
Nurses can take a temperature.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
My mom's a nurse and I can say this is 100% spot on. Can't take a joke to save her life.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
When my Indian girlfriend told me she wanted me to give her a facial, I nearly came on the spot.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
This joke is WAY too soon. You have been warned.
You think you have a busy job?
I work at the return desk in Toys 'R Us in Connecticut!
I work at the return desk in Toys 'R Us in Connecticut!
OneManjiArmy
[10] Knight
MESSED UP, but I chuckled a bit. I hope I dont end up in hell....
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Coming out of the closet would be a lot easier if my wardrobe wasn't so FABULOUS!
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I saw a piece of chewing gum in the urinal today.
I thought, "That must have been really painful."
I thought, "That must have been really painful."
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
As my new girlfriend sat at the dinner table talking to my mum, I started rubbing her leg before slowly moving my hand up her skirt and slipping two fingers inside her pussy.
At this point she had no choice but to keep the conversation flowing and act like nothing was going on under the table.
Otherwise my new girlfriend would've found out the kind of kinky shit our family are into.
At this point she had no choice but to keep the conversation flowing and act like nothing was going on under the table.
Otherwise my new girlfriend would've found out the kind of kinky shit our family are into.
Hot Rod Dave
"Saucy saucy minx"
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
What is the difference between a black man and Batman?
Batman can go to the convenience store without Robin. GET IT???
Batman can go to the convenience store without Robin. GET IT???
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I'll start to believe that video games create violent killings the day someone gets arrested for killing a pig by catapulting a bird at it.