BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Actions speak louder than words.
That's why you don't need to read the Qur'an to say that Islam is violent.
That's why you don't need to read the Qur'an to say that Islam is violent.
Jokes thread
- Thread starter Blade_edge
- Start date
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I learned most of my best dance moves from watching TV shows where the black guy finds out he's not the father.
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'LSD makes users lose weight'
That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
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'LSD makes users lose weight'
That makes sense, it's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Some guys think all women hate each other.
If that's the case, then why do they all greet each other the way I would act if I saw a mate who I thought was dead?
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If I could take Abba out to lunch I would, my friend, for Nandos.
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If evolution is true, why did snakes lose the ability to talk?
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I worship polar bears.
Don't laugh at me - I can prove that they exist.
If that's the case, then why do they all greet each other the way I would act if I saw a mate who I thought was dead?
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If I could take Abba out to lunch I would, my friend, for Nandos.
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If evolution is true, why did snakes lose the ability to talk?
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I worship polar bears.
Don't laugh at me - I can prove that they exist.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
The Muslim Ten Commandments:
1.You shall have no other gods before me. Except money and young white girls.
2. You shall not make idols. But you can make IEDs.
3. You shall not take the name of God in vain. You may cut the heads off non believers who do this.
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Open as many hours as you can.
5. Honour your father and your mother. Honour kill your slut of a daughter.
6. You shall not murder. However, you can kill in the name of Islam.
7. You shall not commit adultery. On any of your fifteen wives.
8. You shall not steal. Benefit fraud and tax evasion is not stealing.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour. Unless a personal injury claim is involved.
10. You shall not covet. You should not need to. You have already robbed, killed and cheated to get everything you want.
1.You shall have no other gods before me. Except money and young white girls.
2. You shall not make idols. But you can make IEDs.
3. You shall not take the name of God in vain. You may cut the heads off non believers who do this.
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Open as many hours as you can.
5. Honour your father and your mother. Honour kill your slut of a daughter.
6. You shall not murder. However, you can kill in the name of Islam.
7. You shall not commit adultery. On any of your fifteen wives.
8. You shall not steal. Benefit fraud and tax evasion is not stealing.
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour. Unless a personal injury claim is involved.
10. You shall not covet. You should not need to. You have already robbed, killed and cheated to get everything you want.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
A major hurricane is about to hit India, so if anyone needs to call their bank or cable/internet company, do it soon.
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Being fat has its advantages too.
For example, you don't have to bother about the gap between the train and the platform.
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I told my Grandad a joke about a dead German. He absolutely pissed himself.
And he didn't get it.
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Being fat has its advantages too.
For example, you don't have to bother about the gap between the train and the platform.
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I told my Grandad a joke about a dead German. He absolutely pissed himself.
And he didn't get it.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1?"
So I did.
I don't remember much after that.
I was staring at her boobs when she said, "Would you please press 1?"
So I did.
I don't remember much after that.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
So there is going to be a half hour segment tonight on Crimewatch, re-visiting the night Madeleine McCann was abducted.
I'm not quite sure how 25 minutes of Kate and Gerry eating tapas and drinking sangria will help jog anyone's memory though.
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Most women think men are amateurs in bed, but I don't think so...
We're not the ones who struggle to reach orgasm.
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Kate McCann: "We're not the ones who have done something wrong here."
Sorry Kate but when Josef Fritzl can look after his kids better than you can, you shouldn't make those claims.
I'm not quite sure how 25 minutes of Kate and Gerry eating tapas and drinking sangria will help jog anyone's memory though.
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Most women think men are amateurs in bed, but I don't think so...
We're not the ones who struggle to reach orgasm.
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Kate McCann: "We're not the ones who have done something wrong here."
Sorry Kate but when Josef Fritzl can look after his kids better than you can, you shouldn't make those claims.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
My chemistry teacher asked us to write a 1000 word essay on acid.
Unfortunately I couldn't because my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
Unfortunately I couldn't because my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I was giving my young son a wash when all of a sudden he shat in the tub.
"Bath turd!" I yelled as he sat there giggling.
The little fucker won't be laughing when I get rid of my lisp.
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I came home after a night out with work.
"You're early," my wife sneered. "I thought you'd be out all night flirting with that slag Tracy."
"Actually, she invited me back to her place, but I said there's no point going for a burger when I can have steak at home."
"Aww, you do love me really, don't you..."
"Shut the fuck up and cook me a steak!"
"Bath turd!" I yelled as he sat there giggling.
The little fucker won't be laughing when I get rid of my lisp.
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I came home after a night out with work.
"You're early," my wife sneered. "I thought you'd be out all night flirting with that slag Tracy."
"Actually, she invited me back to her place, but I said there's no point going for a burger when I can have steak at home."
"Aww, you do love me really, don't you..."
"Shut the fuck up and cook me a steak!"
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
You call it rape,
I call it "strangers-with-benefits."
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A push-up bra is like a bag of potato chips.
Once you open it it's half empty.
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I find it sexist that when a woman sleeps with a bunch of guys she is called a "slut."
But when a guy does it he is "gay."
I call it "strangers-with-benefits."
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A push-up bra is like a bag of potato chips.
Once you open it it's half empty.
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I find it sexist that when a woman sleeps with a bunch of guys she is called a "slut."
But when a guy does it he is "gay."
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BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
A recent study suggests eating bacon can lower a man's chances of getting a woman pregnant.
Talk about a win-win.
Talk about a win-win.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
My wife recently told me whenever we have sex she closes her eyes and pretends I'm Johnny Depp.
So this morning I fingered her with a pair of scissors.
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I was out food shopping with the family.
"Is there anything else we need?" I asked my wife.
"Nutella" she replied.
I ended up breaking my daughter's nose.
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What would you call Christopher Walken in a wheelchair?
Christopher.
So this morning I fingered her with a pair of scissors.
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I was out food shopping with the family.
"Is there anything else we need?" I asked my wife.
"Nutella" she replied.
I ended up breaking my daughter's nose.
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What would you call Christopher Walken in a wheelchair?
Christopher.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
"I'm going to fuck you over!' means two completely different things, depending on whether you're talking face to face, or on a walkie-talkie.
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What do you get if you hold a twenty pound note between your chin and your chest?
A good impression of Stephen Hawking at a strip club.
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Which drug has been clinically proven to help reduce the number of instances of armed robbery?
Thalidomide.
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I don't care how anti-racist you are - the minute your daughter brings home a black guy he becomes a nigger.
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What do you get if you hold a twenty pound note between your chin and your chest?
A good impression of Stephen Hawking at a strip club.
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Which drug has been clinically proven to help reduce the number of instances of armed robbery?
Thalidomide.
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I don't care how anti-racist you are - the minute your daughter brings home a black guy he becomes a nigger.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
When three people have sex its a threesome.
When two people have sex its a twosome.
And that's why everybody calls me handsome.
When two people have sex its a twosome.
And that's why everybody calls me handsome.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
Men would pay more attention to feminist's protests if those chicks had bigger tits.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
How can Piers Morgan lie with a straight face?
He practised in the Mirror.
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Why all the outrage at the British Gas price increase?
You can't tell me another company that's doing more to combat global warming.
He practised in the Mirror.
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Why all the outrage at the British Gas price increase?
You can't tell me another company that's doing more to combat global warming.
BlackDragon37
[12] Conqueror
I smiled at the checkout girl and said, "Has anybody told you how gorgeous you look today?"
"No", she giggled.
"Well, if they do", I replied, "will you please send them to my Specsavers shop next door?"
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Kate McCann: "Reading to the twins at bedtime is so very hard for Gerry and I."
I'll bet. Getting your stories straight must be a bitch.
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I bought Alex Ferguson's autobiography.
I thought I'd got to the end but six more pages appeared.
"No", she giggled.
"Well, if they do", I replied, "will you please send them to my Specsavers shop next door?"
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Kate McCann: "Reading to the twins at bedtime is so very hard for Gerry and I."
I'll bet. Getting your stories straight must be a bitch.
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I bought Alex Ferguson's autobiography.
I thought I'd got to the end but six more pages appeared.
K0rN_b4LL
[14] Master
Reality TV star Mama June, who is the mother of Honey Boo Boo, revealed that she has lost more than 100 pounds in the past year without surgery, dieting, or going to the gym.
I have to admit, I thought the only way she'd ever lose 100 pounds is in a custody battle.
I have to admit, I thought the only way she'd ever lose 100 pounds is in a custody battle.
Tenchi8
[10] Knight
You don't know true fear until you walk in on someone using your laptop without your permission. XD