Jokes thread

[TheGuy]

TheGuy, you wanna start doing some anti-jokes eh? Let's have at it!

What do you call a black priest?

Spoiler

A priest, you racist bastard."

Why did the blonde throw herself over the bridge?

Because she was depressed.


Why couldn't the kid see the pirate movie?

It was full of murder and rape.


Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Its not, numbers are insentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

 

[Xernuht]

Knock Knock.

 

[StevenBlind77]

So a horse trots into a bar. The bartender asks "what'll ya have?"
Then the horse kicks him in the face and shits on the floor, because it's a fucking horse.

 

[TheGuy]

So a horse trots into a bar. The bartender asks "what'll ya have?"
Then the horse kicks him in the face and shits on the floor, because it's a fucking horse.

What's black and always in the back of a cop car?

The seat.

 

[BlackDragon37]

Americans:

Iran and Iraq are countries, not Apple products, so say their names properly.

 

[optymuss]

http://failblog.cheezburger.com/

:)

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

So a guy goes into a restaurant and the daily special is eggs.

"These are innocent chicken fetuses, I can't eat these!"

Waitress-
"Actually sir they are not, they are not fertilized. Our chickens lay sterile eggs daily."

"Oh, well I guess that is ok."

So he orders the eggs and starts eating.

Waitress-
"In actuality you are eating a chicken's period."

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

So a drunk guy tries to hit on a group of girls and said "My penis should come with a warning label, know what it is?"

Girl-"No, what is it?"

"Warning: Choking Hazard!"

His friend says "They only put that on small objects."

 

[K0rN_b4LL]

Chuck Norris loves Russian Roulette, his record is 44 and 7.

 

[BlackDragon37]

How many months have 28 days?

All of them.

 

[BlackDragon37]

ROFL.

The noise a dog makes when you stick your cock in its mouth.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I think Halloween is a bit racist. I mean, you never see any black skeletons.

Unless you count charity adverts...

 

[BlackDragon37]

The closest my daughter gets to exercise is when I tell her that she's fat.

You should see the tears running down her face.

 

[BlackDragon37]

I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night called 'Bomb Jovi'.

They were fucking brilliant - their last song 'Living on a Prayer Mat' almost brought the house down!

 

[Ninjaguy446]

Knock Knock.

It's open

Why did the little boy drop his icecream?
Because he was hit by a bus.

Why did the little girl fall of the swing?
Because she had no arms.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Not the little girl.

Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.

 

[BlackDragon37]

Everybody complains about Japanese tourists taking pictures and recording everything. Which should be expected when their flag's a 'recording' sign.

I just farted and nearly shit myself. Is it normal to be that afraid of farts?

Real men don't wear pink, they eat it.

 

[BlackDragon37]

'Say no to rape'

Not the best anti-rape compaign banner I've seen.

 

[BlackDragon37]

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. When the bulb goes, they just replace the house.

 

[KingWithNoKrown]

chuck norris

 

[BlackDragon37]

Since my wife died, leaving our teenage daughter and I behind, I've found that routine can help to cope with the loss.

For example, every night, I pour myself a glass of wine and pop my head round the lounge door and say to my daughter, "Night night. I'm off to bed."

I then walk up the stairs and straight into her bedroom, taking a seat in the corner.

Ten minutes later, she makes her way upstairs and into her room. She strips off, gets comfortable on her bed, and masturbates herself to a quiet but intense orgasm. She then rolls over and falls asleep.

I finish off my wine, and slowly creep out of the room, so that she doesn't wake up.

I then take my glass downstairs and wash it in the kitchen sink, feed my daughter's guide dog, and go to bed.