- Thread starter
- #41
Jrasta111
[11] Champion
Bless. You know I spent years making videos here. At first people liked them and that was nice but soon people started to dislike them or me I can't really tell but I never stopped making them because that was never why I was doing it. Art isn't just about technical proficiency or rather technical proficiency isn't what most think it to be. What good is it if you stops you from achieving what you set out to achieve at first? Can you call that proficiency? All art is mere self-expression and just a child's wax crayon picture of their cat stuck on the fridge is more beautiful than a Van Gogh or a Monet to their parents.
Therefore art was never about beautiful pictures at all. It's about beautiful people. Never let any pretentious arsehats tell you otherwise. I only stopped because it no longer suited me. All of a sudden it turned into self-hatred instead of self-expression due to an unforeseeable chain of events but in doing so I learned when most people look at you all they see is themselves and how they can take advantage of you to benefit them so for years I couldn't do a thing but agonise over the past I could never change until I finally once again accepted everything must be for the best. If you can only let it be. Harder than it sounds. A lot harder actually. It was the most I could do to try and find people who I appreciated for who they were and gradually I was able to start doing this what I do now although eventually I'd find neither would this be immediately reciprocal.
In the end what I've found is it's all meaningless outside. All that matters is inside and if you can't appreciate anything what's the point in anything? So even at the bottom of everything there is beauty to be found. Inside. You. Life. Don't throw it away or let others diminish what is most important. It's all you'll ever truly have and if you let it be yours it will be more than you can possibly imagine at first. No one can take it from you so just let it be the gift it is.
If you can't honour that gift of self first how can you expect to ever honour others? Every morning I wake up and it feels like dying all over again. Again and again. But every day I get stronger and it seems a little more worth it. So I keep going as, well, what on earth else am I going to do?
Honestly it feels like I'm not even here and so it feels good just to be hated, noticed, hateful as that rightfully must sound which is why I appreciate such kind words more than anyone else will ever know. Why nonetheless I feel nothing at all.
