Christie being interviewed
"I was in the bathroom when I heard Xianghua and Cassandra yelling at each other and throwing things around. I also saw Kilik holding his pants while holding Xianghua at the same time as well as Cassandra grabbing a piece of Xianghua's hair, landing a few blows and Jin stopping the fight.
"Alright ladies, I want to know what the hell is going on?" Jin inquired.
"That bitch started it!" yelled Xianghua.
"No, you started it!" yelled Cassandra.
"Enough!" bellowed Jin.
"Kilik, you tell us what's going on?" Jin asked as the camera pans to Kilik.
"Why are you pulling up your pants?" Jin added.
"Okay, Jin, I'll tell you everything." said Kilik
Kilik's Flashback It was right after your so called Anger Management class and all the employees are going back to their desks, very tense and all, when I went to the break room getting a drink of coffee, when Xianghua walked in to get coffee herself but was playing the whole "I need help with the coffee" excuse.
"Kilik, I can't seem to get a can of coffee, can you get it for me?" Xianghua asked.
"Okay". said Kilik.
As I am reaching for the coffee maker, I feel her hands groping my butt. I turn around and I already see her licking her lips. Then as I get the coffee for her, she pins me up against the wall and starts taking my pants off .
"You know, Kilik, I thought about the whole anger management thing and this is how I want to vent." said Xianghua.
As Xianghua and I are having....oral sex, in comes Cassandra with a camera and starts taking pictures of us.
"I caught you both red-handed and I am so taking this up with management. You guys are so done!" said Cassandra.
"This leads to Xianghua tackling Cassandra and that's how the whole fight began." Kilik explained.
"Okay, so I see my anger management didn't help anyone here so now I have another plan." said Jin.
"What plan is that, having Xianghua fired at last?" Cassandra asked.
"You wish." sneered Xianghua.
"I want everyone to pack their bags because we are going to a retreat to bond with one another." Jin smiled.
"WHAT?!?" all the employees shouted as the camera panned to their reactions.
Julia being interviewed
" A retreat? What's next, a company BBQ where all we do is fight and bitch at each other?"
"I want everyone to meet up at the retreat and spa, mind you that the spa is off limits." Jin added.
Xianghua and Christie being interviewed
Christie: Why in the hell do we have to go this retreat?
Xianghua: Because someone couldn't keep her entire thoughts to herself.
Christie: I wonder who could that be?
As all the employees meet up at the retreat and spa, they are greeted by Eddy Gordo, Nina Williams, and Jin Kazama, who is in a robe and thermal green mud on his face.
"Welcome everyone to the retreat and spa, we will start venting within an hour" Jin announced.
"Why are you using the spa and we can't?" Julia asked.
"Good question...I just happen to have a membership card." Jin retorted.
"Oh, please." groaned Julia.
"Everyone, get acquainted with this place, you may want to use your two weeks vacation after this." Jin added.
"That green stuff and that robe makes you look gay." smirked Hwoarang.
"Whatever, Hwoarang." said Jin.
As the employees are heading for their rooms, Kilik and Xianghua opened theirs as Cassandra walks past them.
Cassandra being interviewed
"Seeing Kilik and Xianghua opening their retreat room so quickly, I'm suspicious if she is thinking about doing him. This isn't a Motel 6, you know?"
Inside their room, Hwoarang is bored while Yun-Seong is flipping through some channels with a remote control.
"This place blows." said Hwoarang.
"I know." Yun-Seong added.
"What are you doing?" Hwoarang asked.
"I'm looking for anything good to watch." Yun-Seong responded.
Yun-Seong stops on a erotic channel as the camera zooms on Hwoarang's reaction.
"All right, now we're talking!" smirked Hwoarang.
As both men were about to watch the erotic channel, Setsuka walks into their room.
"Hey guys, Jin wants us outside for the bond retreat." said Setsuka.
Setsuka then looks at the erotic channel and then at Hwoarang and Yun-Seong.
"You guys are hopeless." Setsuka added as she walked out of their room.
As the employees were outside, Jin, Nina, and Eddy were already waiting for them.
"Hello, everyone and welcome to our employee retreat." Jin announced.
"I want everyone to feel at home and harmonious." Jin added.
"More like hostile and nauseous." sneered Cassandra as she was sitting between Christie and Xianghua.
"First, we're going to do the trust fall." said Jin.
"I want Xianghua and Cassandra for this activity." Jin added.
The camera pans to Xianghua and Cassandra, who both look pissed off about doing an activity together.
"Okay, Cassandra, Xianghua is gonna fall back and it's your job to catch her." Nina instructed.
"Sure, no problem." smiled Cassandra.
"I fall, I'm going to bust your mouth open." fumed Xianghua.
"Don't worry, trust her." smiled Nina.
"Okay...I'll try" hesitated Xianghua.
Xianghua being interviewed
"If I fall for whatever reason, I am going to pummel the crap out of that pompous bitch!"
"Don't worry, Xianghua, I'll catch you." said Cassandra.
"You better." gritted Xianghua.
As Xianghua folds her arms across her chest and close her eyes, she starts to fall back, hoping that Cassandra will catch her but instead falls on the ground.
"Ow!" whined Xianghua.
"Whoops, just kidding!" smiled Cassandra.
"Why you ungrateful pompous cu--" sneered Xianghua as she was being held back by Christie and Kilik as she was about to lunge for Cassandra.
"I tried to catch her, you all saw me." pleaded Cassandra.
"Wait till I get you, bitch!" yelled Xianghua.
"Okay, can we have Maxi and Setsuka do the trust fall." Jin announced.
"Who's going to do the catching?" Setsuka asked.
"That will be me." retorted Maxi.
"You better catch me or it's your ass." warned Setsuka.
As Setsuka begins to lean back, Maxi tries to play it smooth by trying to catch Setsuka but almost messes up.
"Hey baby, where you been all my life?" Maxi asked.
"In the barn with the rest of your family, you pig." sneered Setsuka as she slaps Maxi.
"She wants me." said Maxi.
"Okay, now we're going to do to have Kilik and Hwoarang hold a keg without either one dropping it." Jin announced.
"Did you just say, a keg?" Yun-Seong asked.
"Trust me, there is no beer in this keg." Jin retorted.
"Damn!" Yun-Seong frowned.
Both Kilik and Hwoarang are holding a keg for a while when Jin, using a feather, starts tickling Kilik.
"Hey, w-what are you doing?" Kilik asked as he was stopping himself from laughing.
"Hold the damn keg, man!" shouted Hwoarang.
"I'm trying to but Jin is tickling me." said Kilik between snickering.
"I'm not doing anything that Xianghua would like." Jin chimed.
"What did you say?" Kilik asked as he dropped the keg, landing on Hwoarang's toes.
"Kilik, you son of a bitch!" Hwoarang shouted.
Kilik turned around and saw Hwoarang holding his toes as he was on the ground.
"Dude, I'm sorry." said Kilik.
"Damn you, Kilik." growled Hwoarang.
"What a way to drop the keg." said Yun-Seong.
After the first day of the retreat, the employees head back to their rooms. Xianghua is massaging Kilik's shoulders and neck. As Kilik is groaning, Cassandra leans against their room door, hearing the moaning and groaning.
Cassandra being interviewed
"I knew it! I knew it! I knew those two were eventually going to do it. Didn't I tell you?"
Hwoarang and Yun-Seong are back in their room, still watching the erotic channel when Seong Mi-Na walks in.
"Hey guys, what are you watching?" asked Mi-Na.
"We're just..." Yun-Seong began as the moaning and groaning from the erotic channel grew louder and louder.
"What is that?" Mi-Na inquired.
Mi-Na had a look of shock and disgust on her face. She then looked at both Hwoarang and Yun-Seong.
"Give me the remote." demanded Mi-Na.
"No, this is getting good." said Yun-Seong.
"Give me the damn remote!" demanded Mi-Na.
"Wait until the climax, at least." Hwoarang added.
"And boom goes that dynamite." said an announcer on the erotic channel.
"Oh, you guys are disgusting." said Mi-Na.
"But at least she was faking it." said Hwoarang.
On the second day of the retreat, all the employees looked a little tense. Maxi was eyeing Setsuka and delivered a wink at her, Christie was hung over after convincing Julia to party with her, and Hwoarang and Yun-Seong had stayed up all night watching nothing but badly done erotic movies.
Maxi being interviewed
"I saw the way Setsuka was looking at me. She knows she wants some of my...dandy...oh yeah."
Julia being interviewed
"I am so sleepy, I am never going to party that late with Christie like that."
Yun-Seong and Hwoarang being interviewed
Hwoarang: We'd stayed up all night watching nothing but erotic movies. I can't even tell you what I saw.
Yun-Seong: I can, there was this one scene where a girl is on her knees and she's--
Hwoarang: *muffles Yun-Seong's mouth with his hand*
"Okay everyone, day two of our retreat and I see everyone is tired and sleepy. What happened?" Jin asked.
"We stayed up too late." said Julia and Christie.
"I heard too much moaning and groaning coming from Kilik and Xianghua's room, if you catch my drift." said Cassandra.
"I was giving Kilik a massage, mind your own business." said Xianghua.
"Sure, honey, and I bet you gave him a happy ending." Cassandra responded
"What's that suppose to mean?" Xianghua asked.
"Xianghua, she isn't worth it." Kilik asserted his girlfriend.
"We watched nothing but bad porn." said Yun-Seong.
"Porn? Really?" said Lili.
"Wait, this place has porn?" Paul asked as everyone looked directly at him.
"What?" Paul inquired.
As the day wore on, most of the employees started to get a feel for one another until the trust fall activity.
"Okay, we will now try the trust fall again." Jin announced.
"So will Cassandra and...Xianghua try one more time." Jin added.
Both Cassandra and Xianghua stared at each other, wanting to beat the crap out of each other.
"Okay, Cassandra will be the one that will fall and Xianghua, you must catch her." instructed Jin.
"Okay." said Cassandra.
Cassandra folds her arms across her chest and close her eyes, she starts to fall back, hoping that Xianghua will catch her but instead falls on the ground.
"Whoops, Just Kidding!" smiled Xianghua.
"Why you salacious whore!" growled Cassandra.
Both Xianghua and Cassandra tackled each other and started clawing away at one another until both had to be separated by Kilik and Steve respectively.
"Kilik, I swear I'm going to throw a piece of wood at her." fumed Xianghua.
As the second day came to a close, Kilik and Xianghua are having dinner. The camera pans to Cassandra, spying on them from afar as Steve Fox is talking on his cell phone.
"I feel like we're being watched, Kilik." said Xianghua.
"Not this again." groaned Kilik.
"Guess we'll have to take this back to our room then." Xianghua sighed.
Back in their room, Hwoarang and Yun-Seong continued watching the erotic channel when a knock on the door interrupted them. Hwoarang opens the door and it's Paul Phoenix.
"Paul, what's up?" Hwoarang asked.
"You guys are watching porn?" Paul inquired.
Hwoarang looks back at Yun-Seong and back at Paul.
"Yep." sighed Hwoarang.
"I wanna watch, I wanna watch!" said Paul gleefully.
"Fine." said Hwoarang.
On the third and final day, the employees started to finally get the hang of the bonding despite trying to rip each other's heads off. The final test came when the trust fall activity came about.
"Okay, let's get through this without trying to kill her, X." said Christie.
"I'll try." said Xianghua.
"Alright, you two better not plan on making me fall flat on my behind." said Cassandra.
Xianghua and Christie just looked at each other and shot Cassandra a death glare. Cassandra folds her arms across her chest and close her eyes, she starts to fall back, hoping that Xianghua and Christie will catch her. Both women manage to catch Cassandra as the rest of the employees applaud.
"Yes! I have finally reached you all!" decalred Jin.
"Everyone give yourselves a round of applause." Jin added as the employees applauded.
Jin being interviewed
"Have I finally reached my employees? I believe I have achieved my goal and I can confidently tell you that my mission has been accomplished."
"Hey, Boss." Kilik began.
"Xianghua and I have some...vacation time coming our way and we were hoping that we take our two weeks off together for a vacation." Kilik suggested.
"Okay, after you participate in a roast in my honor." said Jin.
Jin being interviewed
The employees are having a roast in my honor, preferably because they know that not only have made them respect and love each other but it is also a night to honor me.
Xianghua is looking at some travel sites when Kilik walks by her cubicle.
"I found three perfect deals for us." smiled Xianghua.
"One for Rio De Janeiro, the other for Hawaii, and one for Jamaica." Xianghua continued.
"When we get home, we'll find out which one works for us and we'll start packing up tonight." Xianghua added.
"Well, that's good and all but Jin has invited all employees to this roast of his." said Kilik.
"A roast?" Xianghua asked as the camera zoomed on her while she was looking at Kilik.
"Yes, A roast, plus its mandatory." Kilik added.
"Mandatory, oh god." Xianghua groaned.
"Did someone say something about a roast?" Yun-Seong asked.
"Jin want us to have a roast in his honor." said Kilik.
"A roast? As in pot roast?" Yun-Seong inquired.
"No, not a pot roast, a comedy roast." Kilik retorted.
"A comedy roast? There better be food." said Yun-Seong.
Yun-Seong being interviewed
"I seriously don't know what other roast there is other than food. Seriously, what other roasts you've been to and there was no food?"
In the break room, Steve Fox, Hwoarang, Mitsurugi, and Lili are drinking coffee when Maxi walks in.
"Hey nerds." said Maxi.
"What do you want man?" Hwoarang asked.
"Did you all hear about Jin Kazama's roast?" Maxi asked.
"Jin's having a roast in his honor?" Lili inquired.
"When was this?" Steve asked.
"Okay, to answer your questions, Yes, he's having a roast in his honor and the roast is tonight." Maxi retorted as he looked at Lili and Steve.
"Tonight?!" everyone in the break room said.
"You gotta be kidding me." said Mitsurugi.
"Do I look like Xianghua?" asked Maxi.
"A roast? Well, let me be the one to talk as much trash about Jin than anyone else." smirked Hwoarang.
Hwoarang being interviewed
"I have waited for such a long time to finally mouth off and swear like a sailor about my worthless excuse of a boss."
Inside the file room, Julia and Christie are sorting files when Cassandra waltzes in.
"Hello, my wonderful co-workers." smiled Cassandra
"What is it, Cassandra?" sneered Julia.
"I heard from Jin Kazama himself that he is having a roast held in his honor." answered Cassandra.
"A roast? Really now?" said Christie.
"And its mandatory." Cassandra added.
"Mandatory?" Julia asked.
"Yep." said Cassandra.
"Forget it." said Christie.
"You get to talk trash about your boss." said Cassandra.
The camera pans to Julia and Christie, who are smiling deviously at one another.
Julia being interviewed
"Me, Christie, and a few of my fellow employees, insulting and defaming that bastard excuse of a boss? Yes please."
Inside his office, Jin Kazama is smiling about the prospect of how well his roast will be.
"Everyone is going to be there and I'm going to be honored for a lot of reasons." said Jin.
"Jin, you do know what a roast is?" Nina asked.
"It's a night where everyone talks highly of me?" Jin asked.
"No." said Nina.
"Everyone is going to make fun of you." Nina added.
"Make fun of me, why would they do that?" Jin asked.
"Because it's a roast and people take part in dissing the person who the roast is for." Nina retorted.
"Not to mention, that the person who the roast is being held for can finish off the night by getting back at everyone else." Eddy chimed in.
"Really now?" Jin asked.
"Really." Eddy answered.
Jin being interviewed
"I can't wait to see who's going to diss me at my very own roast. I'm not going to get angry at those shame and defame me nor will I fire them. I will simply look up every little personal thing about my employees and put them all on front street."
Everyone is preparing for the roast and writing their own jokes, except Maxi.
"Maxi, why aren't you writing your own jokes?" Ivy asked.
"I don't have to write my jokes, I already know what I'm going to say about my incompetent boss." Maxi smirked.
"Oh really, then you must be some sort of master comedian." said Ivy.
"Not really, I'm just glad I'm going to put my sarcastic talents to work." said Maxi.
"Why don't you tell us some of it?" Setsuka asked.
"I'll tell you when we get to the roast." Maxi retorted.
"Ahhh." Ivy and Setsuka groaned.
"Trust me, you won't stop laughing the minute you hear it." assured Maxi.
At the roast, all the employees are seated in 4 tables each. Nina is at the mini-bar getting a shot of vodka while Mitsurugi downs a beer.
Nina being interviewed
"I can already tell that this is going to be a long and I mean long night."
"Welcome everyone to The Roast of Jin Kazama." Eddy announced.
"I am glad that everyone is here and that Nina and Mitsurugi are at the bar right now, so they won't go first." Eddy added as the camera zoomed to where Nina and Mitsurugi were.
"I want you all to look at your napkins and look at your number." Jin instructed.
"Whoever has the number one, you may go first." Jin added.
The camera panned to Kilik, who stood up.
"I got number one. " said Kilik.
'Great, our first roaster is Kilik." said Jin Kazama as everyone applauded.
Kilik being interviewed
"Me being the first roaster for this event, I'm a nervous wreck and I might choke. Keyword being might."
"Okay, okay, everyone." Kilik chuckled nervously.
"Wow, my first roast and I'm already sweating like Paul Phoenix at a pedophile's convention." said Kilik as the camera zoomed at Paul's reaction.
"Everyone, I want you all to know that Jin's breath is a mix of bad tuna and three week old cat litter." Kilik added as the camera zoomed on Jin.
Kilik being interviewed
"So far, so good, and I even got Xianghua laughing...for me and not at me...for once."
"Thank you, everyone and Jin, I think you're an okay boss." said Kilik as he took his seat.
As Kilik took his seat, Xianghua pecked a kiss on his lips for a job well done.
"Okay everyone, our next roaster is...Julia Chang!" said Jin.
As Julia made her way to the podium, the camera zoomed on Yun-Seong getting himself something to eat as Nina and Mitsurugi continued drinking.
"Okay everyone, before I begin, let me just say that my boss is a complete asshole and waste of space." said Julia.
"Jin, looking at you, I can easily tell why you weren't nominated for Boss of the Year." Julia added.
"You have the mindset of a tyrant and the IQ of a hyena." Julia continued as everyone laughed.
"With your fashion sense alone, you make Abercrombie and Fitch jealous." Julia continued once more.
"Jin it was pleasure roasting the hell out of you and I look forward to doing it again." said Julia as everyone applauded.
"...Okay, our next roaster is...Maxi!" said Jin.
Maxi being interviewed
"Jin Kazama, consider yourself screwed."
"Okay, everyone, I just want to say that Jin Kazama, you look like poor man's version of a super saiyan." said Maxi.
"Jin, you fondle yourself like you fondle the women around the workplace." Maxi added.
"I have never seen such a bigger stiff then Kilik when I first introduced him to Xianghua." Maxi continued as the camera zoomed on Kilik and Xianghua.
"I can keep this up all night unlike Jin's dysfunction down stairs, if you catch my drift." Maxi continued as the crowd laughed.
"Jin, thank you once again for letting me drill you like you probably could've drilled your female assistant, if you know what I mean." said Maxi as everyone applauded.
Jin looks towards Eddy and expresses his anger.
"I can't take this anymore, when will I get to roast these jerks?" Jin asked.
"When the last roaster is done." said Eddy.
"our next roaster is Hwoarang!" Eddy announced.
"No, no, not Hwoarang!" Jin yelled.
"What's the matter, afraid you don't want me to diss you about your bedwetting skills?" Hwoarang asked.
"You stop it, you stop it, now!" Jin yelled.
"Or about how you cried when Bambi's mother got shot." Hwoarang continued.
"That was a personal thing and you know it!" Jin yelled before collapsing to his knees.
"Dammit, make him stop!" Jin added.
Hwoarang being interviewed
"Hwoarang 1, Jin 0.
Over an hour of roasts and insults delivered by all the employees, It was now time for Jin Kazama to take to the podium.
"And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the man of the hour, Jin Kazama!" Eddy announced.
"Okay, everyone. Now that you all got your moments to shine, now it is my turn and trust me, I will not go silent." Jin declared.
"First of all, Maxi, you are the one with the erectile dysfunction, just ask Setsuka when she wants you to get it up." Jin began.
"Kilik, you're more stiffer than Paul Phoenix when anyone mentions Chris Hansen's name." Jin continued as the camera zoomed at both Kilik and Xianghua.
"And speaking of you, Kilik, your girlfriend has some loose lips and a looser throat if you know what I mean." Jin added.
"Hwoarang, Yun-Seong, you guys look like you sleep with a nightlight on" Jin continued.
"What do Xianghua, Christie, and 7-11 have in common?" Jin asked.
"Oh god..." said Christie.
"Xianghua and Christie are always open 24/7, right Yun-Seong?" Jin asked as the camera zoomed on Yun-Seong eating tacos.
The camera then panned to Cassandra laughing loudly.
"Oh, what are you laughing for Cassandra, you're so uptight, you sleep with a bible up your ass." Jin continued as the camera panned back to Cassandra, who now stopped laughing.
"Ivy, are those real or are you starving for attention that your father couldn't give you?" Jin asked as everyone oohed as the camera zoomed at Ivy.
"Steve, Lili, you two look like you were made for each other. If you ever have kids, just name them children of the corn." said Jin as the camera panned to Steve and Lili.
"Mitsurugi, you're such a lush, you couldn't even stand on the first step of your 12 step program." Jin added.
"Julia and Seong Mi-Na came up with a new website, it's called Virgins Anonymous." Jin continued as Julia and Seong Mi-na lowered their heads in shame.
"How about Siegfried, that one guy in our company that looks at nothing but Playboy in the men's restroom, everybody!" said Jin.
"Now before I go, I want everyone to know that you are all great sports, you all were kinda funny, some of you, and that after this event, I'm still your boss and nothing has changed...Goodnight!" Jin declared as he left the podium.
As the roast was over, Kilik and Xianghua headed for the door.
"I'm glad that roast is over with, so we can finally decide where we should go for our two weeks vacation, right, Kilik?" Xianghua asked.
"Kilik?" Xianghua asked again.
"You have loose lips and a looser throat?" Kilik asked.
"That was a long time ago, that was before I met you." said Xianghua.
"We seriously need to talk." said Kilik.
"Oh no, if this is about our trip or what Jin said?" Xianghua said in a worried tone.
"No, about if any of things are true...because I want to test that theory out for myself." Kilik smirked.
"When we get home, I'll show you." said Xianghua.
"Have fun you two." smiled Christie.
Jin being interviewed
"Was this roast a success? Yes but do I think everyone wasn't such a jerk to me? well, let's just say I'm not going to fire anyone, I'll just take a portion of their salary."