darkwings13
[14] Master
It went well until Zwei said, "Ok then. Good-bye Viola." After that, everything seemed rushed and I really don't think Zwei would give up and say something like that. Add in some more gestures on his part and make him seem uncomfortable and disbelieving at what Viola is saying. More objection from him and the reasons why he loves her is recommended. And Elysium seems too enthusiastic. Make her more calm and collected while at the same, portray the fact that she's pleased with Viola for what she's done. Btw, are you writing your story in order or on scenes you will incorporate into your story? It's best if you go in order ninja; things will be flow more smoothly. Hope that helps.snip
(>^-^)
Thx for reading it over <3It was like none of the weddings in real life I went too. Still very entertaining though. I couldn't really find anything wrong with it Darkwings!