Jokes thread

I have a million of them, here's a few of the best. Sorry in advance.

Why can't whites play basketball?
Because they're not as good at stealing, shooting and running as blacks are.

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Whats the difference between a black man and a pizza?
A pizza can feed a family.

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How do you get a black man to come down out of your tree?
Cut the rope.

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I put my Christmas tree lights up the other day, They reminded me of niggers.
All chained up, Half of them didn't work & they looked good hanging from a tree.

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Why are chimps always frowning?
They know in a million years they are going to turn into niggers.

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A nigger walks into a bar with a big parrot on his shoulder.
Barman says, "Hey! Where'd you get that animal?"
Parrot says, "Africa! There's fucking millions of 'em."

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What's the difference between a tire and a nigger?
A tire doesn't sing when you put chains on it.

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A golfer walks into the clubhouse of a new country club. He tells the golf pro behind the counter that he wants to do 18 and he is going to need a caddy. The golf pro informs him that the country club is running a promotion and if he tries out one of their experimental robot caddies, he can golf for free. The golfer agrees and takes out the robot. While on the golf course the robot caddy tells the golfer the wind speed, distance, even how hard to hit with which club. He has the best game of his life.

The next month the golfer goes to the country club, he tells the golf pro that he wants to do 18 holes and that he wants to get one of the robot caddies. The pro informs the golfer that they don't have the robot caddies anymore. The golfer, all upset, tells him how great they were and asks him what happened. The golf pro tells him that members were complaining that the sun would reflect off their metal bodies and into their eyes. The golfer asks him why they didn't just paint the robots black? The golf pro said that they did, but the next day, 3 of them didn't show up for work and the others robbed the pro shop.

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Roses are red, and violets are blue
Niggers are black, you know that's true
But they don't mind, cause what the heck
You gotta be black to get a welfare check!

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Why do niggers hate aspirin?
Because they're white, they work, and you have to pick through cotton to get to them.

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What do you call a nigger swimming back to Africa with two Mexicans under his arms?
The American Dream.

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A guy is stranded on a desert island. Walking along he finds a lamp. He figures, couldn't be, but decides its worth a shot anyways to try rubbing the lamp. Much to his suprise out comes a genie, who states, "I may grant you three wishes, but whatever I give you I must grant every black man double." The man thinks on this for a second. "I want a yacht full of the worlds most beautiful women to take me off this island." The genie says, "Granted, but now every black man has two such yachts." The man says, "Yeah sure. For my second wish--I'm not too greedy--I want ten million dollars on that yacht waiting for me." The genie again says, "Granted, but now every black man has twenty million dollars," and then continues, "This is your final wish, what shall it be?" The man thinks hard for a few minutes and then says, "I wish you'd beat me half to death."

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What word starts with N and ends with R that you don't want to call a black man?
Neighbor.

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A woman went inside a shoe store and saw a gorgeous pair of white stilettos. She asked what they were made of.
The assistant said they were made of human skin and cost $1500 a pair.
The woman said she couldn't afford that, so the assistant said, "Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99."

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A nigger comes home from school one day. His fifth grade class had just started sex ed. He asks his mother, "Momma, why I got de biggest dick in my grade? It because I black?"
"No, Jamal," his mammy replies, "it because you 18."
 
When a pedophile asks "Who's your daddy?" it's actually a two part question.

October-25-2011-15-15-12-SenseofHumour.jpg
 
not really a joke but seldom where these other posts... sooooo...

Boy/are you from china'?
Girl/umm....???
Boy/cuz' I'm china' ketcho' numpuuhh
(insert insane laughter)

FOBS: what I live for
 
One day a man was dreaming peacefully that he was going to heaven. In his dream he saw way up in the sky a golden ring. So as he flew up to reach it, god told him "Grab the golden ring, my son" So the man stuck his finger in the ring, but when he woke up he realised he had his finger up his ass.

-Rid
 
There's a competition between 3 guys. You have to go into room #1 where there's a bottle of tequila and drink it as fast as you can, then move on to room #2 where there's a wild bear and kill it as fast as you can, and last room, room #3 there's a naked girl and you're supposed to fuck her as fast as you can. Fastest time wins.

First guy goes in, drinks the tequila in 30 minutes. Second room, he kills the bear in another 30. Then last room, he fucks the girl in 15 minutes. A grand total of 1hr and 15 minutes.

Second guy goes in the first room, drinks the tequila in a faster time. Then kills the bear even faster, and fucks the girl att the same speed as the previous one.

The last guy comes in to the first room, drinks the bottle of tequila in 15 seconds, but then when he got the the 2nd room after 3 hours he still didn't get out. The people started wondering wtf had happened, but after a while he finally got out with scratches and bites, bleeding and tired, and before proceeding to the final room he said "Alright, where's the girl I have to kill?"
 
1. A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples!!" The man yelled "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."


2. This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. "Put your finger in me..." she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in...", she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!". The guy's like, "Ok!". So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!". So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands..." commands the girl. "I can't", says the guy. The girl looks at him and says "See, I told you I had a tight pussy!"

By the way, all these jokes are garbage compared to the ones I used to know =/ but it's been a long time so it'll be hard to remember the golden ones.
 
A British man is on trial in Dubai for allegedly throwing a naked prostitute out of his hotel window.

But since it's Dubai, he's only being charged with littering.
 
Three ducks walk into a bar.

The bartender says to the first duck, "So what did you do today?"
The first duck responds, "My day's been great, just been jumping in and out of puddles all day long"
The bartender turns to the second duck and asks the same, "What did you do today?"
The second duck replies, "It's been grand, hopping in and out of puddles, got really wet."

The bartender then turned to the third duck, "Why are you so sad? Didn't you have a good time jumping in and out of puddles today?"

The Third duck says, "Well, my name's Puddles"
 
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